Let me start by saying that I am gay and in a relationship with a woman. We've been together two years yesterday. I've briefly come out more than once and dated a few boys but I always get cold feet when I start thinking about telling family and friends. The dream: I am trying to make love to my girlfriend but I'm being clumsy and fumbling around a lot. I close my eyes in my dream and picture one of the boys I dated and when I open my eyes she becomes him. But before long it's her again. I close my eyes and think of another boy I've been with but when I open my eyes it's still her. I feel guilty in my dream because I can't perform when it's her. I woke up next to her. Spooning. I pulled her body into mine and felt two opposing forces: attraction and repulsion. Been feeling strange all day.
I'm no shrink but I think that your dream represents the internal struggle that you are feeling. My guess is that while you are in a conscious state that you try hard to ignore your true feelings about being gay-hence the girlfriend and the fear of your families acceptance. Although your feelings for her are probably genuine, your fear of being who you really want to be is too much to process or rationalize right now Therefore, during your sleep your subconscious is trying to make sense and deal with the issues you are working so hard to ignore. Sort of like your brain is saying "if you won't deal with things then I'm going to deal with it for you!" Like I said, I'm no shrink and I could be off base but I saw that nobody had replied to your post yet and thought that I would at least share my opinion.
Thanks for replying. What you say makes sense. It's not the first dream of that flavor. I do everything I can to not deal with my feelings so perhaps my dreams are the only way to process.
