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What to do?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nickmc, Feb 2, 2008.

  1. nickmc

    Full Member

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    There is a girl at my Church who I know really likes me (in a romantic way) but I have no romantic feelings for her. It's not that I don't like her- I do- but as a friend only.

    How can I possibly tell her that I don't want to go out with her (even though she hasn't asked- she never would) without hurting her feelings and making her feel as though it were her fault! I'm not ready to tell her that I think I may be gay (I'm not ready to tell anyone yet) but I feel like if I tell her anything else she will blame herself. I am afraid to have her blame herself because I know she has SERIOUS self-image issues and also has cut herself in the past... :help:

    Even though she has never said anything outright to me, it is clear from how she acts and what she has told other people, that she likes me and I have no idea what to do...

    Any advice would be appreciated
     
  2. Nicvcer

    Nicvcer Guest

    You use the gay card, but she might be hurt and tell her friends... and her friends tell their friends... (which might out you, bad news!) I don't know what to do here. You could just talk to her. I don't think you should leave it alone though, she is probably in pain.
     
  3. GunStarre

    GunStarre Guest

    I'd go with telling her that you're just not interested in dating. You decided to start caring more about your schoolwork and dating will be a huge distraction to you.

    If that doesn't work, the only thing you can do is tell her you're not interested in her as being JUST a friend.
     
  4. Martin

    Board Member Admin Team Full Member

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    You can't be emotionally blackmailed into going out with her, nor can you out yourself for that reason.

    You are under no obligation to tell her anything. You don't even need to say anything if you don't want to. If you wan't to tell her then just tell her you aren't ready for a relationship. Anything beyond that is none of her business. Her past should not force you to do anything you do not want to, and what she may do if you tell her you do not like her is not your problem either. It's not fair on yourself, and it would be very unfair if she did go and do something, it's not something you need on your shoulders.

    Only tell her what you feel comfortable telling her, even if it is the bare minimum of "not interested". What she does is not your problem, and whilst it is nice to care about her, you do need to think of yourself.
     
  5. Bevo

    Bevo Guest

    just say that you aren't looking for a relationship right now and you are not interested. It is better to be frank and to the point than cryptic and hard to understand.
     
  6. nickmc

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    Thanks for the advice guys. I intend to have a good ol' one-on-one with her in the next few days or so and let her know (once again) that I am simply not interested.

    I'l let you know how it goes.