You know the crazy, vindinctive, jealous people in the soap operas? That's me

I'm in the 11th grade right now, but we have to do a little background. So. Big story here. In 8th grade, I met this guy, let's call him Lance. WE were in this program with about 13 other kids, and towards the middle of the year we went of a trip, me, him, and two other guys were in the same hotel room on this field trip. What do horny 8th grade guys do? Masturbate. Well although the lights were off, the TV was on, and I saw his dick.
(Bear with me, this was almost four years ago, so my memory is a bit vauge). When we got back home, I was talking to him on facebook, and the conversation drifted to me seeing his dick, then we talked about giving each other handjobs, and blowjobs, and have sex with each other. I told him I was game just to 'experiment.' We tried to get together all of 8th grade year, but it never happened.

So the next August of 2010, when I entered 9th grade. I met this girl, I'll call her Ashley. We became close friends, and she was dating a bisexual guy, James. Well James and I began talking much more than I was talking to her. I eventually confessed to him that I was unsure of my sexuality, and very anxious to explore that. He repeatedly made sexual advance towards me, which I considered, but declined.
Meanwhile, I was still communicating with Lance as we attend the same High School now, around October, we were texting about trying out some 'things' and apparently his father happened to see his phone after I sent a very dirty message to him. He banned him from talking to me, but we still hung around school. Around January of the next year, we were hanging out after school, and ended up in an unlocked bathroom giving each other blow jobs. We did this two times. I began to think of him as my 'sex buddy.' By this time, I had stopped talking to James.

An acquaintance from middle school, Mark, someone I would randomly talk to, began to ask me vague, but leading questions about sexuality, and having sex. I told him I wasn't interested, but we still talked as friends, I told about the blowjobs Lance and I gave each other. Within the next week, Lance told me he had sucked Mark's dick.

I don't know what it was that went off in me, but I flew into a rage. I cursed him out on Facebook, as far as I concerned he was scum to me, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

The year ended, and Lance and I sort of stopped talking, Mark and I begrudgingly made up, just because I felt as if I didn't have the energy to fight with him anymore.

Towards the end of the summer, I began to talk to James again, who had broken up with Ashley months ago. We talked as friends, and he made it clear he wanted to be my first anal sex partner. I wasn't really interested in him, because my mind was on Lance.

When school started back, in the fall of 2011 and I was in 10th grade. Lance and I talked here and there, but we didn't see each other much. Mark and I had a casual, flirty relationship.

Around March 2012, towards the middle of the school year, Lance and I met up, and gave each other blow jobs again. Later that night, he sent me a text message saying he didn't feel right about any of it, and he didn't want to do it anymore. Rumors had been circulating around school that he was having sex with many different guys, so I knew the true reason, there was just some guy at our school willing to give him more than I was. I got sort of sad, and jealous, we got into an argument, but made up the same night. We agreed to JUST be friends, and that was it.

I started to text James, who had transferred to our rival school across town, and I also began talking to Mark more seriously. At this point I still viewed myself and simply curious. I agreed with James to have sex, but I never had time, and was always slightly nervous, so one night he went ape-shit on me, telling me not to text him again until I had made up my mind, and that he was over my "bullshit". The only guy was still actually friends with was Mark, I believe it was May, I told him I wanted to have sex with him, because at this point, I wanted to have sex so bad, I was willing to settle for anyone. Although, out of all the guys, Mark is the hottest, he's muscular, cute, with a great dick.

Anyway, Mark said he wanted to see what I was about, so during school one day he told me to meet him in the bathroom. We made out in there for around 5 minutes, this became a daily event for the next month until school ended. I even sucked his dick the last time we met.

The last week of 10th grade, in June 2012, I was studying for finals, and Mark kept texting me relentlessly, and I got so frustrated and annoyed. I told him to fuck off, and leave me alone. Which pretty much ended our strange relationship.
The last day of school, I started to talk to Lance again who said he wanted to have sex, but only because it was horny, and because he knew I wanted to. Cocky bastard called it a pity fuck. I told him I'd rather just remain friends, instead of clouding things up with random sex that may bring forth feelings on my side.

It was now summer 2012, Lance and I were talking regularly, and hanging out as friends.
I reconnected with James, who had come out as completely gay, he said he wanted to have 'get together and "hang out"' but he got into a relationship, and started ignoring all my calls and texts. Which is how our situation is to this day.

Towards the end of Summer Lance and I sort of fell off. This is how it's been for the past three months, James won't talk to me, and Lance and I had a casual "hey" relationship. UP until this week.

On monday, I saw Lance at school, who's been working out, and looks great. So I called him after school to find out where we stood. He said he has no interest in having sex with me. But we still remain friends. We talked about guys, and various girls for around an hour, and the conversation drifted to Mark...

Keep in mind that Lance gave Mark a blow job back in 9th grade while we were "buddies"
He said that Mark is hot, and that he wouldn't mind having sex with him, or even dating him, (they are both bisexuals). The fact that he had the audacity to go after one of my friends via me after he'd just rejected me made me absolutely furious! We hung up to phone, and I texted Mark, who had also transferred to the school James was attending (they don't know each other)

I told him about Lance's comments, and he thought they were interesting. I believe the jealousy in me made me burst out and tell him that I like, and want to have sex with him. Which seemed to get his mind off of Lance, and focus on me.

I actually am physically attracted to him, and wouldn't mind having sex with him, OR dating him. But I believe I did this in a more vindictive spirit because I was mad at Lance. In the past week it has become my mission to keep them away from each other as I don't want them sleeping together.

So as of now, Lance is oblivious, and we are still friends, if that's what you want to call it. Mark and I are basically talking, we text, and call each other all the time. Deep down inside I know that I will only let our relationship be casual sex, and nothing more, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that, because I know he'll go straight to Lance, something I can't let happen.
As for James, he doesn't talk to me, return my texts or calls, and we don't see each other.

A lot to take in huh?

 

Well, I do. I liked 'Lance' a lot, until he told me I was physically undesirable to him. I just left that part out of the story I suppose, there was so much to write. I guess I unknowingly omitted some information. Lance was the first guy I actually had romantic feelings for. When I first started to feel attracted to other guys, I used sex as a cover to try and figure out what my orientation was, which is bisexual. Although I'm not trying to justify my promiscuity, I suppose I should have gone about discovering my sexuality differently. But I did have my experimenting phase. And like heterosexual people, I enjoy casual sex, but I also want relationships as well.

 

Well, sort of an excuse to vent, and get some random opinions on my situation.

 

The thing is, I started out wanting to just be casual with Mark, but over time, I think feelings developed and I didn't really notice them. I haven't been able to figure out if Lance wanting him just made me jealous, or brought those feelings up. I'm not opposed to the idea of being in a relationship with Mark, I'm just not really interested in getting in a relationship now at all.

---------- Post added 5th Oct 2012 at 11:54 PM ----------

But I can understand where you all are coming from. As far as I'm concerned, Lance and mine's friendship is over, and I don't think I want anything to do with him. As for Mark, I'd like to still remain friends, and if it would be healthier for me to do so, then I won't have a problem telling him that and being firm about it. While it would hurt me immensely to see them together, it's something I'm willing to endure for my own well-being.