Hi everyone. I'm posting this problem of mine NOW in hopes of getting answers and solutions in case I come across the problem again later (whenever that is). Anyways, I find myself getting stuck in this loneliness loophole. I have such an absolute desire to love another man and be loved back. The only problem is, I'm one of those people who have a few screws loose because of spending so much time on the internet and eventually developing a sort of senile stability (sort of...maybe not so much stability as it is sense of humor). This basically causes really bad socializing problems both online and IRL. Personally, I'd consider myself very intelligent but easily frustrated. Whenever I meet a friend, let alone someone I'd want to be in a relationship, I absolutely NEED them to be able to compete with me intellectually and have a little bit of insanity. Now here begins the problems. I'm very VERY picky with people, their mannerism, their humor, their thinking, their interests. It's not like I hate people outside of these criteria, I just, basically, will never ever get along with them. So basically I'm terribly lonely because I get along with no one. They are all so god-awfully boring with not even a remote form of an eccentric mind and it is so irritating to even be around them. They all lack intelligence and creativity and I can't even get into conversations we have or even their personalities because it's so drab and dry and everything is driven into the ground pretty fast with me. Honestly I'll admit, 70% of the times, whenever I'm with my school "friends" I'll get more irritated and wanted to be left alone than actually engaged. Even the ones who know of internet things are incredibly stupid. One of my "friends" is honestly, honestly, convinced that I'm an idiot because my sense of humor is really senile and just cracks me up. Really at this point, I'm so sick of all these damn kids. They lack the ability to objectively think alongside with me in conversation, their personality is dry as all given god, yet I'm told to my face that I'm the mentally insane (practically freak). Also, I jokingly refer to myself with the F-word, but my tone and context makes it really obvious I don't actually mean it negatively. At this point, now that my friend/s know I'm gay, they basically call me that word. Everything's a joke to me, but that doesn't mean I can't think on a higher level or have intellectual conversations. (NOTE: It's not that I look down on these kids, it's that they're incredibly frustrating to be around) Am I just doing something wrong? Are there seriously no kids out there who could possibly get along with me? Because the closest I've gotten still barely scratches friendship to me, emotionally. Am I just really mean or something..? I don't really know what I'm doing wrong. Am I expecting too much out of people? Do I need to conform? If that's seriously the only answer, then I'd rather be much happier being alone with my single friend who's three states away from me and has a job, and will graduate soon from college. Speaking of her, I only have a single best friend who I get along with so extremely well it's almost magical. She fits all of my compatibility criteria yet she's the only person I'm friends with and I only see her one-two hours a day. Does ANYONE out there have any advice for me? Am I just really really mean? Because if I have to conform to these kids, cover up my personality, and become another cookie-cutting clone of general groups of people then I really just don't care anymore then. I desire friends. Enough to where I can have multiple BFFs relationships. Yet everyone is absolutely boring and I can't get along with them. What do I do? Let alone friendships, I'm really lost about relationships.
Hi. Just go out there and start having fun. Believe me I used to be lonely too. Staying indoors surfing the web. Also don't be afraid. You got nothing to lose. I combated loniness by reinventing my social life. I started attending my LGBT center and more and meeting people. I also weeded out those who do not accept me since I don't need them anymore. I also don't give a damn now of what strangers think of me in public, yes rebelliousness plays in this too. Most basic, just start having fun. That would be the first step.
I'm going to give you an honest answer, but you might not like it. As far as relationships go, it's okay to be a bit picky. This is especially true if you have a long-term relationship in mind. As far as friendships go, I think you are being a bit demanding. It also seems like you are being judgmental. You are essentially assuming that because most other people are not capturing your interests, that they somehow have this cookie cutter personality and lack intelligence. I can tell you are an intelligent being; however for someone intelligent, you are thinking in a very black-and-white manner. I think the best thing for you to do is to open your mind a little bit and give people a chance. Maybe people don't feel the need to overtly express their intelligence, maybe they don't feel the need to impress or entertain people. Certainly, this does not mean they lack intelligence or interesting quirks in their personality. The thing is, socially conscious people can often "feel" your sentiments about them or others. Because you might find them boring, and hence you become exasperated, you might be unwillingly showing this with your body language. This is why you need to keep a more open mind, and give people a chance. If you just sit back, enjoy other people's company, and make them feel comfortable and want to be around you, I guarantee you'll see results. In short, making friends happens by being friendly. You unwillingly might be putting off an unfriendly or unwelcoming vibe. This isn't necessarily your fault, you just have to trick yourself, or prepare yourself mentally to be more accepting of others. By being more open and wiling to meet different kinds of people, you might actually find that they don't have low intelligence or a cookie cutter personality. They just need a chance to feel comfortable around you.
well as far as need someone smart that is a good, and not just because I'm the same way. As far as being so picky, well you'll need to venture outside your circle, plain and simple.
Yeah, my friend keeps talking to me about tolerance and what-not back when I used to get overly furious about silly things. I got better at it and I'm not even an angry person anymore, but I still can't stand how boring and long it takes for people to express themselves/to meet someone expressive. Guess it's time to go back to the drawing board, lol. ---------- Post added 6th Oct 2012 at 04:07 PM ---------- Also I'd like to mention that it's not as if I find these kids incapable of having SOME form of a relationship with me, I'm just think that they probably will not be able to feed me emotionally because we're not compatible. Sorry if my frustrations/impatience with people made it seem like I was extremely intolerant of people with a snap judgment.
That sounds like me in HS and MS. Most of the kids that were initially friendly toward me I was either shocked by the overload of friendliness or lack of finding compatibility. I mean really, looking bad, I would have done different and expose myself to new things that change the way I look. It's part of being open mind, I suppose. As for selecting people, there's bound to be some trial and error. If you want, you can start with acquaintance type of talking to figure some characters out of people, then decide if you want to step back or forward with them...? Loneliness is kind of a choice thing. I am an introvert and there are times I want to be selfish and alone. But there are times when I want to go out and do things.... How much people time you want is up to you, but you have to do some part on your part. And sometimes, people are not as bad as we think. (well, some of the carefully selected people. It's hard to distinct when the people are in a group who act almost similar except that one or two)
One thing that might cause the sort of behaviors you're describing is a deep amount of insecurity and self-esteem issues that create a need to set an incredibly high standard for others to live up to. If this is the case for you (and I have no way of knowing), then it makes sense that you'd define all these things you think you need for someone to be a friend or a partner; it's a way of, essentially, protecting yourself. Also, you say "these kids." How old are you? There's a big difference if you're in your teens or 20s, vs in your 40s or 50s.
I'm in my teens and lol, yes I'm very aware of the huge mental development and maturity between adults and teens/adults just finishing teenage years. Also I'm pretty 95% sure I am not insecure in order to "protect" myself. I'm insecure for other reasons, but not with my personality and how I am. I'm capable of doing well in what I do and I'm aware of what my faults are (which I usually just laugh at because it's kind of funny to me). Assuming that I subconsciously am more insecure than I actually think I am, then it's usually not a huge problem because I don't notice the problems arising to a level where it may/may not be a problem. It's usually pretty easy for me to figure out when those moments are when my decisions/actions lack any real sense to it or rationality.
