First off.. try not to judge me. I will be very honest. I am extremely protective, highly insecure, and can get very very jealous & territorial. My dating record is so clean, it's squeaky. Never in my life would I cheat on the one I'm with, or want more than one relationship at once. & Never in my life have I. Ever! SIDE NOTE: Poly > Poly-amorous = pertaining to participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships. NOT MOTHER FUCKING COOL! Shit does NOT fly with me.. not at all.. omfg.. So I was going through my girlfriends ( since 9.11.12, short I know, but we've been on and off talking for a little over 6 years now! ) Yahoo messenger, and she's talking to girl who she calls sis.. but she and Angeline(my girl) talk like master / pet and my girls the pet. That really doesn't bother me.. bc she didn't say anything bad, but she did talk to her about something that bothered me. I knew she was talking to this other girl on a dating site way before me whos name is Angeline as well.. And... She was talking about how she really likes both these girls. Her, and me. She said WAY MORE stuff about me (paragraph) and one short mean line about hw aggressive but mean she is. Than this girl on yahoo chat (idr her name.. and dont really think she knows her in person!) was like.. "Does Amanda know your Poly?" and she fucking said "No" SO MY GIRLFRIEND ISNT LOYAL? Is THAT what is happening? Am I being played for a fool? PS: She deleted ang out of her life. I made her, but she mistreated the shit out of her so supposedly it was easy. & She told her yahoo friend her & ang were just friends.. bc ang said shes too fat for her. lolz .. I just want to know how to say this to her... and how to talk about it.. and get the full truth. BC if she wants to live a poly lifestyle.. I am not down to get hurt. I AM NOT OKAY with it. Not even a little bit. I am so fucking mad right now. So fucking hurt and confused. Omfg.... Someone, anyone, all of you.. PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE!? What would you guys do and suggest to me?????????? :bang::icon_redf:help::tears::***:
I could totally help you out, but I am a bit confused. I know quite a bit about polyamorous relationships & I see nothing wrong with them, as long as all parties are in agreement. However, since you were left in the dark, perhaps you should reevaluate your relationship with her. Being in a polyamorous relationship takes a really confident/secure person; pretty much like minded people. Now, if you're the jealous type, it's not going to workout at all. The only thing I've learned to share was toys in preschool, not someone who I love & care about. You need to tell her how you feel, it's unlikely she'll change her relationship preferences. There are plenty of people who believe in monogamy only. She obviously does not, so maybe you should find someone who wants the same things as you
If I were you, this is what I would do: First off, try and do something relaxing. If you try to talk to her when you're upset there is a good chance it won't go well. Second, talk to her about what is going on. Ask what she expects from the relationship with you, if she wants a poly relationship, etc. Then you go can go from there. I'm a monogamous person as well. No offense to the many wonderful poly people out there. If my gf told me she was poly and that she wanted another relationship as well, I'd end it. I hope I helped :goodluck:
Just because she is polyamorous doesnt mean she has already cheated on you. I agree that you need to calm down and then talk to her. I wouldnt want to be in a polyamorous relationship but it works for some people. You need to talk to her and then decide what is best for both of you.
Hi there! Don't throw away a relationship with your girlfriend, based on a suspicion that she cheated on you because you found out that she is polyamorous. Lets start with the following: These four phrases stand out and likely help to explain your reaction to finding out your girlfriend is polyamorous. On its own, it is not an easy conversation to have. However, being highly insecure, and having the ability to get jealous (perhaps easily) can cloud the entire conversation but you will need to have that conversation with her, in the best constructive way you can. Sit down with her, and try talking to her in a calm way and try to listen to what she has to say, and take it from there. That said, I would suggest that you start working on finding ways to become more secure and perhaps less protective and territorial as they could become detrimental to a relationship. Going though your girlfriend's yahoo messenger, isn't the best way to show her "I trust you." In fact, by doing that, you actually gave her a reason not to trust you. That alone, could potentially end a relationship.
not that i personally am offended but that is potentially highly offensive. I wouldn't blame you for it though, Mirko hit the nail on the head in explaining that reaction imo. I would not describe myself as polyamorous, but since i seem to completely lack the ability to be jealous at all, i am happy to be involved emotionally with polyamorous people, and in fact i am right now and have been for over a year. I am open to all kinds of relationships: from polyamorous, open, casual, exclusive, and everything in between. Understanding is the key to acceptance here, i think. There is nothing wrong with polyamory. Talk to your girlfriend, communicate, work toward understanding.
Pinklov4ly, Castle_Walls, Silverhalo, Merko, Pseudojim; <3 (*hug*) Thank you very much for your feedback. I really appreciate it. A lot!! I'm 100% monogamous (24/7), and I see nothing wrong with Poly people; at all! I just don't want MY girlfriend being Poly. With my emotional baggage and shit, I just can't deal with the amount of stress it causes me. Do you know? Great news, however. I talked to her, and she said she doesn't want that life anymore. All it did was teach her NOT to be jealous and insecure, and the people involved in her Poly "group" and her have not even met before.. what a relief. However, she does tell me she doesn't still talk to them. I guess I will give her the benefit of the doubt since I really like her.. a l o t && have been successfully using my PAST relationship faults and foes to my advantage and benefit. It's been helping. You guys all helped A LOT. Thank you so very much again. You all gave very insightful advice. & PS: Um, you are all the best! Genuinely cannot thank you guys enough!!! ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2012 at 06:10 AM ---------- Hey, if you don't mind me asking.. do you consider yourself entirely faithful/loyal? (monogamous) If so, how, if you don't mind me asking, are you okay with it? Not to offend you or anything, but I have no other way to put this.. Why wouldn't you want a relationship where the other person is loyal and faithful and does just and right by you? It's such a beautiful caveat and feeling of security and being loved and wanted. I am not knocking polyamory in any sense.. I am just very unsure of the amount of love I, personally, could give to more than one individual at any set time. It turns my stomach to think of her kissing several or even one other person, telling another girl she loves her, or having intimate experiences whatsoever with another.. could be my past, could be me, could be stereotypes and the general outside world that molded my mind.. but that's me, and I am okay with Polyamory if it's far away from MY relationships. Freindships are different. Idc if you like to fuck inanimate objects or direct barnyard porn.. If you're chill and respectful, we could be the best of friends. :eusa_danc
Regardless of whether or not she considers herself poly, it's cheating to have any sexual/sexually emotional contact with anyone else without each of her partners' consent. Consent and communication are even more important in polyamorous relationships than monogamous ones. You were perfectly justified in being shocked and upset.
SwitchBitch420: I am glad that you distanced yourself from the initial judgment in your post, because it kind of sounded like this thread was just going to be "let's rip on poly folks" time. Polyamory is not for everyone, and in fact, relatively few people identify that way. I am not sure that I consider myself fully monogamous, and I'll try to explain why. The idea behind polyamory is that people recognize that one partner may not be able to provide them with everything they want emotionally and/or sexually. If the relationship is acknowledged to be open, then that creates beautiful possibilities. I think this situation is quite preferable to one with loyal but unsatisfied partners. For example, one person may want to do a sexual act that the other is very uncomfortable with. On the one hand, it is unfair (and actually, it's rape) to pressure the other partner into doing what he or she doesn't want to do. On the other, if you really want to have that particular experience, it also seems unfair to expect perfect monogamy. That desire needs an outlet. I think that couples should have honest conversations about these issues and see if polyamory can work for them. For many, it can't, and somebody just has to suck it up. However, there are beautiful examples of it working. I saw this one episode of Penn and Teller's Bullshit that someone linked to here, and there was this polyamorous straight couple who dated this other straight couple. They would have dinner on a regular basis, and they are great friends. The marriages seemed to be doing quite well even though wife A was having sex with husband B, and husband A was having sex with wife B.
Hey, if you don't mind me asking.. do you consider yourself entirely faithful/loyal? (monogamous) If so, how, if you don't mind me asking, are you okay with it? Not to offend you or anything, but I have no other way to put this.. Why wouldn't you want a relationship where the other person is loyal and faithful and does just and right by you? It's such a beautiful caveat and feeling of security and being loved and wanted. I am not knocking polyamory in any sense.. I am just very unsure of the amount of love I, personally, could give to more than one individual at any set time. It turns my stomach to think of her kissing several or even one other person, telling another girl she loves her, or having intimate experiences whatsoever with another.. could be my past, could be me, could be stereotypes and the general outside world that molded my mind.. but that's me, and I am okay with Polyamory if it's far away from MY relationships. Freindships are different. Idc if you like to fuck inanimate objects or direct barnyard porn.. If you're chill and respectful, we could be the best of friends. :eusa_danc[/QUOTE] This question isn't directed at me, but I feel like responding could send your confusion away - simply because polyamory doesn't bother me and one day I would even consider having a polyamorous relationship myself. Anyways, polyamorous relationships don't mean cheating/unfaithfulness is involved - it actually requires more trust from all parties involved to make a polyamorous relationship work. Polyamory just means loving more than one person, and showing loyalty to more than one person. I also believe that cheating is more of a personal quality, rather than one that can be attributed to polyamory - so just because someone is polyamorous, doesn't mean they are going to cheat on the people they are having a relationship with. Again, to be okay with being in a polyamorous relationship, I feel the most important attributes are for all parties to have mutual trust and confidence in their relationship, for all parties to communicate if/when jealousy rears it's ugly head, and for the expectations for everyone involved to be clearly laid out and in the open. Basically, trust/communication/and confidence in ourselves and each other is critical to making polyamory work for people
I consider myself entirely faithful and loyal, yes. I have never and will never cheat on any of my significant others. I have been cheated on, the betrayal hurt a lot. I would never betray a friend or lover. I am also completely open and into full disclosure at all times. Communicating with people can be difficult for me and i find the best approach is full disclosure. However, the term 'monogamous' doesn't really fit me, i am no more monogamous than i am polyamorous. I'm not anything, as a rule. I just don't understand jealousy. I understand and relate to compersion much better. As such, i would only fit your definition of 'monogamous' if i became attached to another strictly monogamous person and we mutually agreed to enter into an exclusive relationship, which i would willingly do with someone i very much liked. Keep in mind, 'exclusive relationship' may mean more than one thing. There are completely exclusive relationships, where both sexual activity and romance with any other person are forbidden. There are open relationships, where sex with others is okay but romance is not. There are lots and lots of different types. Relationships are as unique as the people that enter into them. With regard to your first question: What makes you so sure that a polyamorous relationship, or open relationship, or any other non-traditional relationship is incapable of of being described as two people being loyal, and faithful to each other, and doing right by each other? Breaking loyalty and being unfaithful means that the rules are being broken. Not all relationships have the same rules. ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2012 at 03:04 AM ---------- Just like in everything else, when it comes to relationships, cheating is only cheating if rules are being broken.
