Hi everyone. I think this is my first post besides my intro, so I apologize if this is in the wrong place. Also please excuse any typos, I'm on my iPod and its very laggy, lol. Anyway, I saw a psychologist for the first time a couple weeks ago after sort of breaking down to my mom about my bad anxiety and focus problems. So now I'm seeing this guy who is going to help me cope with anxiety, since it's pretty bad and irrational. I recently FULLY came out to myself as transgender, female to male, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Only a couple friends I know through the Internet know of my struggles with gender, but not that I'm trans. My family does not know yet. I am a very shy and anxious person. I was so scared when meeting this psychologist and was on the verge of tears and entire meeting, but now I'm not so nervous about seeing him again (seeing him this Thursday or Friday). So, how do I bring up my gender? I don't think he is a gender therapist (as in, I'm not sure if he has experience with LGBT teens or adults (I am 17, btw)). I dont want to just say that I'm trans* because I'm scared about coming out and want advice from someone who can help me work through the issues I'm having. Should I tell him? A lot of anxiety has to do with being extremely self-conscious, and I am self conscious about my looks and that I look female instead of male. When I look more masculine I have more confidence (unfortunately I look very feminine, lol). So I feel weird hiding this from him. It's just that I don't know him well, and people I'm not close to are pretty much like strangers in my eyes. I know I can trust him since he's a psychologist but its still scary and uncomfortable. Anyone have any advice? This is hard for me, but I want to come out to my family sometime around December or so, and could use some help. How do I tell my therapist first?
Well, you can always ask him about himself. What he specializes in.. and slowly work into the topic. Like "So.. I kind of wanted to talk about something with you.." and since you are nervious, slowly work your way up to it. You already know it is safe and secure, so just take your time with it.
If he doesn't have experience with LGBT issues, he can probably refer you to a specialist who will be able to work with you more efficiently. Your anxiety will not be "cured" by a simple therapy, it's a very deep issue that has to be talked about.
Its very important to be honest with your psychologist, and if he's decent at all then he should be knowledgeable and understanding about it. I know its hard to tell people, but a psychologist should be amongst the easiest because they should be knowledgeable on such matters. Unfortunately there isn't really advice I can give, aside from I would do it sooner rather than later. I find it easier to be up front right away as opposed to having to bring it up awkwardly down the road.
I have been in therapy for about nine years, and from my personal experience, it's best to just lay that stuff out on the table. After all, that is what therapists are for: to give you unbiased advice without judgment. Since this seems to be a major topic of discussion for you, if it remains to uncomfortable to talk to the therapist about this, maybe you need someone else that you would click with, and it certainly doesn't need to be someone whose work is solely based on gender, as much as it needs to be someone that you are comfortable with and trust. As far as how to go about bringing it up: I'm in therapy for a lot of anxiety issues too, so I can understand feeling scared. I'm lucky to have a therapist now that I mesh well with but i still have a hard time saying certain things. When that happens, I find it easy to write it down and give it to her. The conversation will still open up and typically afterwards I am comfortable to say what I wrote down on the piece of paper. Hope everything goes well!
Thanks everyone. I am seeing him tomorrow afternoon and I'm still pretty nervous. I'm going to come out to my parents through a letter sometime before December, and that's hard enough for me, so having to tell him face to face is scary. I've only met him once before so coming out to him privately through a letter as well seems.. strange and feels weird, but I really don't know him. I know he's here to help me, though. I think I'm going to tell him that I don't feel comfortable in my body and with my gender and maybe go from there? Even thinking about it makes me nervous. :I
Good luck! I'm meeting with a therapist for the first time tomorrow specifically for my gender issues, so I understand your nerves first hand. I more or less agree with what the others have said. Better to get it out there now and, remember that he is a professional and there to help you. They're correct in that if he doesn't have any experience in your area, he will likely refer you to somebody who does. Once again, good luck
I agree with the others, be honest with your therapist. He is there to help you but it also may take some time for you to build up a trust in him. Relax and talk to him as you feel comfortable. You don't have to get everything out on the second visit.
Over time after you get used to him you should have no problems telling him. He may even beat you to it and pull it out of you.
Okay, I told him today. We started talking about me and how I acted as a kid, so I thought that was a good time to bring up how I felt sort of "trapped" between male and female as a kid, and about how tomboy no longer applies to me and hasn't applied for many years (instead of tomboy, just.. boy). I told him about my male feelings and how I've been struggling because of mixed signals from my parents and because I'm not particularly masculine. But it turns out he has experience with this, is very accepting, and worked closely with a transgender man. I feel so much better now. He wants to speak to me more before I speak to my parents about it. So everything turned out pretty well, I think.
