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Fresh Break-Up: Am I being selfish for not wanting to talk to him?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by anonymousjane, Oct 6, 2012.

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  1. anonymousjane

    anonymousjane
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Burlington, VT
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hey guys! I'm a 21-year-old lesbian, and just yesterday broke up with the last boy I ever hope to date. I haven't told him I'm gay--I haven't told anyone that. I just told him that we're too different (which is true) and that our lives are going in very different directions (also true).

    The break-up was a complete shock to him, and now he keeps texting me, asking if we can talk. And I really don't want to talk to him. I feel awful, and I feel extra awful that he's taking it so hard, but I just feel like I need my space away from him for a while, maybe a few weeks, before I can talk to him about anything. I can't take care of him right now. I'm heartbroken, too, and I need to take care of myself. I responded to his texts, telling him I need space and think he does, too.

    Am I being totally selfish in wanting to stay away from him for a while? Do I need to sit down and have a conversation with him? Am I being totally crazy? UGH, break-ups are hard.

    Thanks for reading, and I look forward to the comments!
     
    #1 anonymousjane, Oct 6, 2012
  2. PinkTractor

    PinkTractor
    Full Member

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    Hi,

    My thoughts (for what they're worth)...
    I don't think you owe it to him to sit down and talk entirely on his schedule. If you feel you need some time to sort your thoughts and feelings, then that is what you need. Period. On the other hand, he has his feelings too, and he deserves to be treated with compassion and respect. Texting is probably not the easiest venue for getting your point across, though. I'd suggest writing him an email, or a letter if that's easier for you. Explain again that you are going through some tough emotional times right now and that you really need him to hear you when you say need some time to process. Reassure him that you're not planning to ignore him forever, that you know he has things he wants to say, and that when you're ready to sit down with him face to face and really listen to him, you'll let him know and give him his chance to express his side. If he's a decent person, he'll back off and give you the time you need, and in return, when you can, give him the opportunity to have his say. If he continues to pressure you for that conversation, then maybe you don't need to feel so torn over not giving him what he needs, when he's not willing to return the favor.
    Break-ups are hard. He's confused, you're confused, but bottom line is you have to be your own advocate, and do what is right for you. Just be as kind as you can. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 PinkTractor, Oct 6, 2012
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