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Asking for NC: How do I make him understand how I feel?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lostinthought, Oct 7, 2012.

  1. lostinthought

    Regular Member

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    We were not exactly in a "relationship" but decided to experiment how things go after having told each other 3-4 months ago (after a 6-month friendship) that we like each other.

    Everything was great until then when it started to change because we got more emotional/open about how we felt and would have several fights over the smallest of things like wanting to watch different types of movies, difference of opinions over things, etc. but things would return to normal pretty soon. However, we finally decided to just be friends again when after a huge fight, we stopped talking to each other because I told him in anger not to care for me if he's not going to respect me. We were back to being cool friends again and things were not really that bad because we had our emotions and words in control again.

    However, last week, I came to know that he has started going around with new friends and that has been tearing me apart. He says they're just friends and nothing more and he's the same old friend of mine like before and going nowhere, however he wanted me to understand how it would be impossible to have a relationship with each other due to various reasons. Although I know that this might be the case as of now, I know it is going to change somewhere down the line and I would not be able to take it then. I tried very hard to get over this myself but when I couldn't do it, I asked him that we should stop talking to each other so that I can get over all of this because it is emotionally draining me out.

    He said that I am just being jealous and need to get mature and learn to let it go since it wasn't working out and we are just friends and that he is not going to stop meeting new people because of this. In his words, he's far more happier meeting new people now who don't point out his mistakes or upset him. However, he said that we are great friends like before and he truly needs me and we can't live without each other in our lives and that I can't enter/exit his life at MY convenience, its unfair to him.

    I don't really want to stop talking to him either, it's like the hardest thing for me to do but the emotional stress I have been experiencing since the past few days is out of my control and I don't see any other solution to this. Everytime I meet him, I am going to be reminded of all this and it is going to hurt me even more. I've never felt like this before, it's painful beyond words. I just want to feel normal again by taking a break from talking to him, I don't know how long that would be. Moreover, I feel that our friendship will never be the same again.

    But he doesn't understand this. He thinks that I am just being selfish and over-dramatic because I am influenced by daily soaps and close parenting and must learn to let things go because we had mutually agreed to be just friends because we gel up really well when we're just friends. He thinks that it's not as difficult as I make it out to be and I should get over it and be the same old "buddies" we were before because we can't stay without each other.

    What do you guys think? Am I being wrong/selfish? Is there a way I can NOT be hurt seeing him with someone else while still being his friend? I really don't want to stop talking to him because it will upset both of us immensely but these feelings are beyond my control. How do I make him understand how I feel? What should I do?

    P.S. I really didn't want to make this thread but since he doesn't understand my POV, I want him to read the responses here so that he would understand the situation I am in and not be upset.
     
    #1 lostinthought, Oct 7, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2012
  2. lostinthought

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  3. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    Sorry no one replied yet, it's just…difficult to respond to this. The problem is that you haven't made it too clear how you feel exactly. You outline many nuances. It's also difficult to reply to because your friend seems to have done nothing wrong. I'm sorry I can't really help you…