Hi everyone, I'm new to this site, and chat forums in general, so if I post something incorrectly I'll apologize in advance, and blame my lack of experience. So, here's my story. Right now I'm 22, and I've had a non-religious upbringing, and led a pretty good life for the most part. I have a good family, a few great friends, and I job that I love going to (the vast majority of the time). However, I've been rather unhappy with myself since I was 17 because I've been struggling with the question of whether I'm straight, bi, or gay. I don't know if anyone else has felt similarly, or whether I'm just an oddball, but I'll tell you a little more about myself and hopefully somebody will be kind enough to help me find some answers. I haven't had a steady girlfriend since I was sixteen, and though I've wanted one, I've often felt inadequate or was too scared to ask any girls out. I've had sex with one other girl, and I have to admit that I enjoyed it at the time. However, I've also gone as far as having sex with two different guys, and both times I felt horrible about myself, and completely dejected, even to the point where I almost became depressed for awhile. The funny part is that I can easily watch either style of porn (gay or straight) and be aroused by both types. I often find myself flip-flopping between thinking I'm gay, straight, or bi, although I'd strongly prefer to be able to comfortably consider myself straight (no offense intended). Any time that I start feeling comfortable with the idea that I am straight, I'll randomly have a dream that involves having sex with another man. Contrarily, I will start (unhappily) trying to consider myself gay, and then I'll randomly end up dreaming or fantasizing about a girl I know. I don't know what to think anymore, and I feel like I'm wearing myself out thinking about it. The other confusing part for me is I've come close to coming out to a close friend or two as either bi or gay, but it just doesn't feel right - I get the gut feeling that I'm lying to them, or myself. At the end of the day though, I have to admit that I've found both sexes attractive at times, but it also tends to take me a little longer to get aroused thinking about women rather than when I think about men. In the end I suppose I was hoping that someone might be able to help me sort through this, and perhaps share their own experiences or advice. At the end of the day, I'd like to know if I'm just grasping at straws because I want to think I'm straight, or whether I've almost worried myself into thinking I'm gay or bi when I'm not. Thanks to anyone who reads this, and further thanks to anyone who offers up their own stories or advice.
Well, it sounds like you're stuck in a bit of denial. It's perfectly normal at this point to have the feeling of not wanting to be gay and trying very hard to hold onto whatever heterosexual qualities/feelings you think you might have. For example with myself, ever since I was little I was pretty much only able to get off from either thinking of guys or gay porn in addition to naturally being drawn to guys my whole life, but when I started thinking about it, I would tell myself that I wasn't gay and that it was just a phase that would eventually pass(and in reality I'm about as gay as they come, feelings-wise lol) It is also quite normal to feel bad after having sex with men, at least the first handful of times you engage in it. I think a lot of us have a deep down shame that comes with it since society tends to make us feel that it's wrong, gross, and unnatural(even though it clearly isn't). It sounds like you could possibly be bi with a stronger preference for men. I would honestly rule out being straight at this point. In your daily life do you tend to check out and feel attracted to both sexes rather equally or is it moreso men than women? Also while viewing straight porn, which gender turns you on more? Or is it pretty equal? And I understand you're probably scared and uncomfortable with the thought of being bisexual or gay, many of us were at some point in our self-discovery. But it gets a lot better once you can fully accept yourself for how you were made. Our sexual orientation isn't something we can help or change. We just need to learn to embrace it and be happy in life.
Before realising I was bi, I had similar confusion (and I’m also non-religious). I first started getting crushes when I was about 12, and I’d get them on girls and boys. Every time it happened, I’d lose interest in the other gender. At first, I thought it was just a phase and I’d one day be straight or gay. I wanted to be straight, since I didn’t like the idea of being gay. I fully support gay rights and so on, I just didn’t want to be different/complex. My attraction to both genders didn’t go away, so by the time I started university I had realised I’m bi (even though I’ve still only ever had straight sex, my gay attractions are obvious to me). Being straight would make life less complex, especially since I still feel awkward around people I’m attracted to. But I know I’m not. From the sound of it, you probably aren’t either. One thing that convinced me I’m bi rather than gay or straight is that, for me, physical attraction is based mostly on things that both genders have, like eyes, smiles, faces, voices, hair, skin and so on -- although I’m attracted to feminine/boyish and not to masculine at all. Even more important is personality attraction, like kindness and thoughfulness, and it’s another thing both genders have.
Hey guys, Thanks for the replies, you've both given me some food for thought, I just think its going to take me awhile to digest it all. To answer your questions Lance, when I'm watching guy on girl porn, I tend to imagine myself in that situation, as if I were actually taking part in what was happening on screen, so I don't really pay attention to the guy outside of what he's doing (and thus I'm imagining that I'm doing) to the girl, so I'd have to say I think more about the girl. However, when I watch guy on guy porn, well, there's really only one gender I can focus on so that's really all that happens ha ha. During my daily life, I don't really find myself focusing on guys in a sexual manner (although I will sometimes find myself wishing I had this guy's arms, or was in as good of shape as a different guy). Occasionally I might find myself thinking, "Wow, he's a good looking dude, I bet he gets all the chicks!" But I don't really think about taking guys out back or about them in an overly sexual manner... Usually that only starts if I turn on some guy on guy porn. I doubt that answers your questions very well, but unfortunately those are the only truthful answers I can give you without taking some more time to think things through. Once again, thanks for the replies guys, and I'll keep you posted on what I figure out (if you'd like me to that is)
Sounds like your bi, I'm gay so I don't know how that feels. I am also gay though and have had sex with a girl and I enjoyed it because it felt good, I was also thinking about dudes the entire time. Everytime I sleep with a guy I feel dirty, because I have internalized homophobia even though I outright know I am gay, so maybe you have some internalized homophobia. I also know a lot of in-denial guys call themselves bi to cope with being gay, but judging by your age you are probaly Bi, because I stopped calling myself bi when I was 18, and I couldn't imagine still lying to myself about being gay, it would hit you eventually, so I do honestly think you are bi. If you are bi stick with girls. If thats too hard, then maybe you are gay. Everyone is a little bi in my opinion, but it's your preference that makes your orientation.
MaxAttack, I almost could have written your post. I am struggling with the exact same issue and am not even sure what I would come out to people as. Please keep us posted on how you make out!
