I've always just assumed I would marry a boy. Growing up with movies about beautiful princesses being saved by their prince charming, I never questioned it. Girls like boys, and boys like girls. It's not that I'm homophobic in any way, I was just sheltered. I guess I should have known, even when I was young, I liked girls more that boys. I thought that it was just because I am a girl that I felt like that, but now I'm starting to realize it was something deeper. About two years ago, I had my first crush on a girl. Her name way Ayanna. She was so fun to be around, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I knew it was love, even though I was so young. Once she passed me a note, that said something like this, in the middle of a big heart: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I know that you know, That I love you She was joking, of course, but I couldn't keep from imagining what would happen if she had liked me back. She moved to Ontario in the middle of the school year, and I never saw her again... It's been a few years, and while I'm over her, I still like girls. They're so much nicer than boys. I feel like I can actually be friends with them, and not be pressured into something I don't want. There's a ton of other things, but all in all, I'm a lesbian. It sounds like I've accepted myself, and I have, it's the other people I'm worried about. I love my friends, but they aren't the most accepting bunch. I mean, we're in high school, for gods sake! There are a few things I'm worried about, mainly these: How much will I be bullied? What is the best way to come out? Is there a way to drop subtle hints that I like girls? Can I get a girlfriend if I'm not out yet? What is the average age that people come out? Any other stories and experiences would be great, too, the good and the bad. Please, please, please don't sugar coat it. I'm new to this, and I really need to know what I will face. Thank you so much! Xoxo, Molly :smilewave
Here's a thread we have going on how old we each were when we came out: HowOld? And I always thought the best way to com eout is to live how you want and when someone asks if your gay answer "yes". But others like letters it seems. And telling poeple one by one. It really depends on yourself. and whether it would be more stressful to drip it out one person at a time, or tear the band aid off at once. lol and yes, you can still find a girlfriend.
I'll move down the line of questions! Speaking from personal experience, I've never been bullied for being bisexual, but I've told all of my friends. A lot of people at school have seen me at parties with my (now ex) girlfriend... kissing and what-not. So, yeah, they know, too. My friends sometimes crack jokes, but I'm comfortable with my sexuality, so it doesn't bother me. In fact, it makes me laugh, haha. When I came out, I already had a girlfriend. It was a long distance relationship, so it was easy to hide from my parents at first. I told them when I was sixteen. My mom was convinced it was only a phase, but my dad never said much about it. Now that I've been out for a little over a year, my parents are both pretty accepting and my mom's said things to me like "whether it's a boy or a girl, I want you to be happy..." yada-yada. For the next two, "is there a way to drop subtle hints that I like girls" and "can I get a girlfriend if I'm not out yet"... I'm not sure! Amanda, my ex, is the only girl I've had a beyond-friendship relationship with. And we met online. It's significantly easier for me to be open over the internet. :S I don't think I would have ever given the thought that I was bisexual any consideration if it wasn't for meeting her because, like you, I was raised "traditionally": girls marry boys. I'm also stuck in the middle of the country... Missouri! I haven't personally met any other bisexual/lesbian girls, so I haven't had an opportunity to try and find another girlfriend or even pursue some sort of "relations" with another girl. Because it's never happened, I don't even know how I'd react or if I'd have the courage to approach another girl. As for the average age, I'm not sure. I'd say anywhere between 15 and college-years! I hope this helped some, and, if you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
First, geez, are we that bad? In response to your questions: 1. I wouldn't be too worried about bullying. This may sound like a greener pastures generalization, but I sincerely believe that girls have an easier time coming out than guys. 2. This may sound cynical, but I guess it's what I have to do. After high school graduation, I will tell my school friends, since I won't see them again for a long time. I'm not going to tell my parents until after college, because they will be paying for half of it, which I'd really like to have. However, I do know that my parents would withdraw financial support if I came out to them, so you might not have to wait as long. 3. Not really. If it's subtle enough that straight people won't notice it, then chances are gay people won't either. 4. Probably not. That will make things a little difficult. 5. No idea.
Haha, didn't mean it like that! I meant, nicer for me to date. I don't have a problem with guys in general, except those aged 9-12, I have only met a few decent ones of that age group! Lol. I was thinking of coming out on the 11th. But next year or the year after, or whenever i (hopefully) get a gf. . I hate hiding stuff from my parents . I don't think that's normal, but whatever XD Also, when most people who are actually gay or lesbian (note to bisexual people, I don't have anything against you, it's just the question doesn't apply to you the same way) finally accept that they are as straight as a French Horn, do they want to like the same sex? That's how I feel. It's like I would rather be with a girl, even if I had the choice, just because I feel like its my equivalent of straight. Not that I would want to be straight, but I do feel kinda special... Like today, at my swimming practice, all the girls are in bathing suits. And the general amount of them are actually pretty hot... And I just thought, "wow, I'm sitting here, staring at girls in bathingsuits, and no one thinks that I'm a perv..." The don't know I'm lesbian, of course, but still. And it's not like I'm checking out every single girl, but I can appriciate a nice body.Dear god, that sounded so dirty! Lol, I'll just stop now... Thanks for replying, anyone else who has advice, please, please, please comment!
My aunt is a lesbian, she said it really isn't that big of a deal. I know you've probaly heard this before, but they are much widely more accepted than gay men. I've never heard people say ANYTHING NEGATIVE about lesbians EVER, but have heard plenty of shit about GAY MEN. I think a lot of the discrimination you hear is aimed at gay men, for some reason people can't accept that, but lesbians are nothing, hetero girls even pretend to be BISEXUAL just to be COOL.
Ya, I've heard of that too. It pisses me of when girls make out just to get a guys attention. It's like, oh, ya sure. I just like girls for a guys attention. Not! Seriously. -.-
Hey Molly! Welcome to EC by the way =D Just reading your thread, this relates to me so much. Just how much you're wondering about and thinking about your girl crush, I totally understand how you're feeling. I get this. Just to answer your questions, I wouldn't worry about being bullied so much. The awesome thing about coming out, you choose who you trust the most and want to come out to. If you don't think the time is right to tell everyone you're closest to, guess you can take some time out and think about it. Maybe talk to some teachers? Or advisors about any other questions you have if you're worried about coming out to someone too close to you. Works for me I have no clue about the best way to come out. Its pretty tough, there's all sorts of ways. You can write a letter or a note, maybe talking on the phone, in an email, or face to face. There's loads of way you can tell, but suppose it comes down to what you feel is the best way, so you're definitely conformable talking and the other person won't freak out.. too much. :lol: when you work it out, let me know! I'm trying to do the same with some of my closest friends but they always think I'm kidding. Or just brush it of. Sometimes I say like, oh that girl... she's so cute, did you hear what she said?! And they'll just be like, ah yeahh. Guess so. :eusa_doh: We'll figure it out someday. Can you have a girlfriend if you're not out? Not sure about this, maybe if you join clubs and get involved with other people.. and somehow hope the girl you like is gay.. :icon_wink then.. perhaps. The average age, as someone posted above, check it out, but it varies. Came out when I was 18, and had been questioning about, almost a year.. ish. Good luck with things, you're more than welcome to talk if you want to =D (*hug*)
Thanks for answering! For dropping hints maybe like, idk, always be supporting LGBT stuff, and hang around gay/lesbian/bi people a lot? And say your celebrity crush is a girl... I really have no clue, but I'm going to do that. Talking about celeb crushes, who's yours? I'm totally in love with Ariana Grande lol
