So here’s the thing….I have no local friends. I want them. I don’t know how to get them. Making friends has never been an issue for me in my entire life. I was just always naturally popular and good with people. Even now, I seem to draw people in so very easily. So you’re probably wondering what the issue is… About a year ago, I moved to where I am now, away from my hometown, away from my family, away from my university, away from every tangible relationship I had, minus of course the one I have with my aunt, uncle, and cousin, whom I live with. Still…they’re a loving family, but its nothing like what I’m used to. There are no hugs, no ‘I love you’s before bed or walking out the door, no crazy game nights. Then there’s work. I have some really wonderful coworkers, and yes, they've become good friends of mine, but I feel like it’s a very hard thing for me to transition to hanging out with them at work to hanging out with them at a club or bar or elsewhere. I’ve done it before, and it was fun, but…it’s hard to get to that point. And financially speaking, I really can’t afford to go out with them all the time. I have really amazing friends, but sadly none of them live close anymore. Like me, they are busy with their own lives and so visiting isn’t so easy. Most days I feel so lonely. The loneliness really gets to a point where it just hurts, deep down in the marrow of your bones. I can smile and laugh and be happy, but it’s always only temporary, the good feelings. I’m almost certain this is a driving point in the depression I’ve been in for so long now. Coming here was initially a very good thing for me, I needed the break from everything back home, but now…with no one, I feel this overwhelming void in my life. As if everyone else is passing me by and I’m barely living at all. I suppose what I’m trying to ask here, is for any suggestions, ideas, or other things that I could try to implement in order to make bonds with people here. I’ve never been in this position before, and I don’t know what to do. I only know that I really can’t keep living like this. Because the truth of it all is that I’m unhappy. I don’t want to be alone anymore. And I want to thank Gen. I would have probably kept this all to myself for many more months to come if it weren't for him. I guess...I'm probably not the only one who feels like this.
First of all, (*hug*) What I did when I moved to a city where I knew nobody, and it's something I see other people suggesting too (on a different forum), is to start doing voluntary work. I started working at a concert venue, cause I love music and this way I got to meet people with the same interest I have. Over time, some of them have become very close friends. The concert venue is just an example, there are a lot of other things you can do. Something that fits your interests. You'll meet people who have at least one thing in common there, but besides that it gets you out of the house, most of the times it's fun to do and you're doing something for the community, something most people appreciate. Of course I don't know what you can do where you live/how this kind of stuff is arranged in the States at all/if this is anything that you'd feel comfortable doing/if you have the time to do this/..., but just my 2 cents.
There are a lot steps that you could take to meet some local friends. Have you ever thought about joining an activity group. For example, if you like to read you could join a book club that meets near you. The good thing about joining one of these groups is that if you're not sure what to talk about you can always talk about the shared activity. Often times, you can find these groups by looking online. Also, you could see if there is a local LGBT center. You could call them up and see if they have any events or if they need any volunteers (depending on your schedules). I've met a lot of friends through volunteering. I'm not sure how recently you moved, but if it was recent you could always ask your coworkers to show you around. I hope I helped :goodluck:
Ive kinda noticed that the momment you stop looking for friends they find you o.o weird huh? I was at a brand new highschool this year and i desided to just focus on my band instrument and keeping straight A's and if i make friends along the way hey thats great. And bamn met my crush/bff the very next day You could try LGBT centers or just being friendly to people at work o: trust me your best friend and or partner is out there Goodluck!<3 keep us posted
As for volunteering, that sounds like a wonderful idea. I'm just not sure how to get into it. Despite living in a fairly well-populated place, I've not really seen any creaked doors to put my foot through for opportunities like this. I'm sure I could stop by some of the government offices, Goodwill, something. I'm sure they'd be able to help me with getting into volunteering, but as bad as it sounds...I can't think of any personally enjoyable volunteer work that would come from that. LGBT organizations? Trust me. I've been trying. Apparently we have one in my town, but it took me a while to find them. And even then it seems like ...well...I just don't it working out too well as of yet. Not looking for friends and expecting them to come to me? Yeah....A year later. I'm in the same boat. I mean...I don't look to make friends with people, and I end up with lots of nice people, but no one I really connect with or would want to hang out with. :\ but these have all been good responses! Thanks for everything so far, everyone. :]
I think you should pick your volunteer work based on what you enjoy instead of just volunteering just for the sake of volunteering. That tends to make volunteer work more enjoyable. Is there anything that you like to do? If you pick an interest of yours, then you could look for organizations that need volunteers. For example, if you like plays you could volunteer at a theatre
Just to pipe in here (not to sound selfish or anything), but I've pretty much been in the position you're in for a good 3 years, now. I have friends.. But they just seem more like acquaintances, more than anything else. And if they're not, well... idk. I could try the LGBT center thing.. I still want to wait til GSA starts. But anyway, I see you're a full member. Perhaps PM me and we can discuss this kind of stuff with each other?
You got it. :icon_wink Volunteer work that interests me. Well really...I want to work in the lgbt community, but like I said...it's had to even find one around here. Le sigh. But I like music and helping people. Oh, I wonder. Does anyone know how one goes about helping out on an anonymous hotline. They're always needing volunteers right? Then again..I don't even know where one of those places would be around here. Mrrr. I like animals. But I'm not so good with the whole animal shelter thing. :\
The location of where volunteers answer the phones is usually hidden from the public for safety reasons. If you find a hotline you want to volunteer with, call them and let them know you're interested. They'll direct you to your nearest center, interview you, train you to answer the lines and then you're good to go. Do you like to listen to music or perform? If you like to listen to music, I'm sure you could call up your local concert hall and see if they need volunteers. If there is a local music festival, you could volunteer there. There are also programs where you could volunteer to introduce music to children. If you like to perform, I'm sure you could call up a hospital or retirement center and volunteer to perform for them. If you don't want to volunteer at an animal shelter you could volunteer to train a seeing eye dog. Granted, I'm sure it would suck to have to give up the dog and I don't know how many people you'd meet doing that but it is an idea. Here's a better idea. If you don't want to volunteer at an animal shelter you could volunteer with an organization that helps animals or fights for animal rights
I know this is going to be unorthodox advice, but I have learnt to not be frugal with my money when I can. It sucks that going out and being sociable usually requires money, but thats just the way society has gone, it used to be alright to just get together at a house, have a feast, drink, .....etc, but now it's certainly more geared to clubs and bars. These two things only offer one thing that all people want, sex. I would say save up to go out more, try and pinch pennies, cut other expense, and spend some on yourself to have fun. Money can't buy happiness, but it may help you get more sociable, you aren't paying for your frieds, you are just paying to be around them. I live in Ontario so booze is ridiculously expensive here, I know how you feel, I wish my buddies would stop wanting to hit clubs and bars, all the time, and just hang out and get drunk at home. It would be much more affordable, but I make sure to just say fuck it and spend my money sometimes, I always feel better the next day. As long as the bills are getting paid, being young is all about having fun and being poor. * Volunteering is great, but I don't think it will fill that social void you want to fill. It helps you feel better and is better for the community, and a good way to meet people, but I think what you are looking for is a good time, and some good friends. That is a lot more tricky to come by.
