:help: I'm 13. I've known I'm bi since I was 9. Yes, I know it sounds crazy. I'm going insane. Haven't told anyone yet. My mom is the only one I can trust as I'm home-schooled and don't have many friends. I hope she doesn't go completely hypocritical and not understand. What I mean by 'hypocritical' is that she has gay friends that she gets along with great. She is never homophobic. I hope she doesn't go all crazy when I tell her. Does anyone have any advice on coming out to her? I just need someone to know or I'll literally go crazy:help:
Just tell her. You're her son. If she can be accepting of her friends being gay then she will accept you.
Sure. I thought about that. But I'm afraid that if I tell her, she will tell someone. Even just my dad. I'm not ready for him to know yet. Or anyone else for that matter.
Well couldn't you ask her not to tell anyone else? she's your mum, she'll respect your wishes. And boy, I envy you, when I was nine I had no idea I was lesbian. Brownie points for selfawareness. Seriously though, if she's fine with her friends, she'll be fine with you, although, since you are young, she may think its "just a phase", so you'll need to be firm with her that it isn't. Good luck. Vampyrecat.
I agree with the posts above. It sounds like your mum will be fine with it. She sounds a LOT more tolerant and understanding than many people's mums here, and they have generally come out OK. Another thing I noticed though is that because you are home-schooled you don't have many friends. Is there something you can do about that? Some club or activity or something in your area that you can get involved with to meet other people, either around your age or of a range of ages?
But how the hell would i tell her. P.S. I'm not lucky. Like I need another reason to be ridiculed. I'm overweight and have glasses and braces both. Yeah, I'm real lucky.:***:
Do you think you could sit down with her and talk about it? Along the lines of "Mum, I really need to talk with you about something. I'm really scared of how you will react but I need to tell you anyway. Please understand that this is not a phase; I've known since I was 9. I'm bisexual." If that is just too difficult then you could write a letter and give it to her. You could post your draft here for us to comment on and help you improve it if you wish. If you do use a letter you still need to choose a time when you will be able to talk undisturbed for a while. There are some excellent publications from PFLAG which you can print out and give to her to help explain things. See the link here http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6835. Or you could send a PM to Becky (beckyg) and ask her to post some PFLAG materials to you.
Now all i need is to find a good time(which i know you guys probably cant help with) Thanks By the way I'd be open to more advice
Try to choose a time when you'll have a couple of hours to yourselves. She will probably be confused initially and may ask some stupid questions or the same questions over and over again. Are you sure? It's just a phase If you met a girl these feelings would go away Do you have AIDS? She may also blame herself, thinking her over-dominance has caused it or something. If you are her only child she could be upset by the lack of grandchildren or by nobody to continue the family name. This thread http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=930 may help to explain some of the phases she could go through. I think many of them she will get through quickly or miss altogether, but it could help to explain things. The PFLAG booklet for parents is worth reading too. It answers many of the questions parents could ask. It could help you better answer them, and indeed realise that they could be what she might think. What about your dad? Is he with you and mum? You said you are "overweight and have glasses and braces". The weight is probably something you can deal with over time. Once you have got over the stress of coming out to your mum and are not hiding your true self, perhaps you can think about moderating your diet (cutting down on fats and sugars) and a bit of gentle exercise. Read JeyHew's article in Full Spectrum magazine http://www.fullspectrummagazine.com/?page_id=5 for some excellent advise on that. It's not a quick-fix but you should see results within a few months. The braces should be gone in a year or two if they work. Glasses are fine, though you may need to choose different styles as you grow. Get advice from the assistant in the opticians rather than your mum! One thing at a time though (otherwise it just all gets too much to manage). First priority is coming out to your mum.
She doesn't have to worry about the family name because of my JERK of a half-brother (Dad's kid). And I want kids anyway.
Once you are out to your mum and she is comfortable with it, perhaps you can discuss coming out to dad with her. She may have a better idea of how she'll react, could be with you as you do so, or maybe could speak to him for you. The two of you could sort our when, how or even if you should come out to him.
Paul and everyone has given you excellent advice. I know you are scared but you can do this. It sounds like your Mom is going to be fine with it. Get the PFLAG materials (or I will mail them to you) and encourage her to attend meetings. You can go with her! You can find a chapter near you by going to www.pflag.org .
Oh geez, I just see you are from Eugene! I live in Prineville, 34 miles east of Bend. Eugene has a wonderful PFLAG chapter. I know many of the folks there!
Hey, I don't think its weird that you knew you were bi when you were 9, a lot of people do gay/bi/straight things at that age but their mind doesn't click to it, so you must be smarter than most people. I also have known a person that was in the same situation at that age and he basically got told "You cant know that at that age" by everyone.
Hey, Honestly, if you think being a bit overweight and having glasses and braces is bad, think about the positives. When your braces come off, you are going to have SUCH a lovely smile because of them (and believe me, I know, I had braces, surgery, plates, the whole shebang). And if you're that selfconcious about your glasses, you could either get contact lenses, OR you could go for a pair that were really bright and funky, just to tell the world "I don't care what you think of me." The weight might be stress related. Seeing how your mum is so relaxed and easy going (From what you've told us), she will probably be fine with it, and will probably even help you come out to your dad. Like PaulUK said, if you're really scared, a letter will always do the trick. In fact, that's how I came out to my parents. I'm a little on the timid side. Once you've come out to your mum, maybe she could help you. Simply by Joining say, a soccer or football or even basket ball team, you'll be doing some gentle to moderate exercise, AND you'll be building up your social networks. you'll make friends easily playing games with people. Wishing you the best of luck. Vampyrecat. PS. If you need any help for anything, feel free to contact me anytime, either via chatroom or private message.
