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Feeling really angry and confused and distant lately, I really need some help.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SerenityX, Oct 7, 2012.

  1. SerenityX

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Let's start off by saying that I'm a Uni student. I live in Australia and I've always kind of thought I was a lesbian but i refused to acknowledge and accept it.

    I'll keep this short. I found myself more and more into women as my life progressed throughout highschool and now into Uni I catch myself checking out other girls and developing small crushes on them. Recently for an assignment we had to get together in groups of three, one of the girls is just so beautiful everytime I see her my heart jumps into my mouth and tries to strangle me.

    Since then, my friends have noticed me becoming more and more distant. Note that I haven't come out to anyone yet. I feel so angry and confused most of the time. I feel like I don't know how to act anymore, I don't know how to be me.

    I think I am really gay, I mean when I picture having sex with a guy it kind of repulses me but when I think of doing it with another girl it feels right.

    Lastly, it's due to my confusion of my sexuality that I've never had a relationship and I'm still a virgin. I just can't bring myself to letting a guy get that close to me. I've considered just going out and doing it with any random person to get it over and done with, maybe then I'd be more sure of myself.

    Any advice on why I'm so angry and distant, or just anything I've written would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. awesomeyodais

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Soon-to-be-frozen again White North :-(
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Not quite your situation but I think some of these things are rather universal - anyhow - in the last few months before I came out to most of my close friends (the ones nearby anyway), I was avoiding talking to them, going to events, etc... In retrospect I think it's because while I had reached a point where I didn't want to lie to them any more (more a lie of omission, not like I was actively pretending to like girls/dating them etc), I hadn't yet reached the point where I was comfortable coming out to them either. Or I was subconsiously getting ready to not have any friends after coming out (btw they have all been really cool about it and supportive etc). And I was angry at myself for still not being ready, at this somewhat later stage in life (late 40s), when some of my younger friends had come out to me in the last few years.