Hello! I have a big issue here, and was wondering if maybe anyone could have any advice. In back story, I am in college and in my early 20's, and have been struggling with my sexuality for many years, I thought I was asexual for a while (and still haven’t completely tossed it out) because I never really was into guys. I had 'crushes' on guys because I knew that they were normal, but there was no sexual attraction at all. I had never been in a relationship either. Then last year, I met this girl on my sports team. After one night talking to her at a social, I finally realized what this whole 'crush' thing really meant. What it felt like to be attracted to someone in that way. I was shocked. I didn't think I could ever be gay...but it felt so right...If that makes any sense? Anyway, so that was about 6mnts ago, and I can't get that darn girl out of my head!! I want nothing more than to be with her. I am just absolutely terrified of asking her out! BTW, I do know that she is a lesbian, and also I 'came out' to her and some other people very casually the other day (just made a comment during a conversation about gay bars lol). No one was really all surprised or anything, but that may have just been because they had no reason to think that I was gay, straight, or anything because I've never talked about that before I guess. I am also in the closet to everybody else. Anyway, I guess my main question is, what do I do if she turns me down? We are kinda good friends (I think there has been some flirting maybe? I'm really bad at this and have absolutely no game :icon_redf ) Is it possible to date a teammate, or is it not good for the team? Can you continue to be friends with someone if they turn you down? Is it worth the risk of losing a friend/making a team awkward? Help!! And if this is a good idea, how do I go about asking her out? I feel that I would have no idea what to say!! Damn, sorry this is so long! I didn’t mean for it to be…
Rugger, I can't say I have ever had a crush on a teammate. To be honest, I had my first crush only a few months ago. I understand how strange it is to have that first crush. I have been a part of my swim team for many years, and people have dated on the team. The consequences have varied by relationship. Some don't have a problem while some do. Sometimes, it has served as an incentive to come to practice because the person you care about is there. Sometimes, it has served as a distraction. I don't know how things would shake out in your situation, but I do have a piece of advice. When I decided to come out to members of my swim team, I waited until the season was over. I didn't want to give them any sort of distraction before the state meet. I would encourage you to explore a potential relationship if that is where your heart is, but perhaps it would be best to wait until the off-season. As far as how you ask her, I can't say I have any experience there. I am still only partially out of the closet, and I've not yet had the desire to pursue a relationship. The closest I've come is the crush I mentioned earlier. The good thing about your situation is that you know she is also gay. The guy I had (or perhaps still have) a crush on is definitely straight. As long as you be yourself, that's all you can do. Best of luck on everything!
Thank you so much for your reply! Yes, I was also thinking about waiting til the end of the competative season (which is only a month, even though it feels like forever haha). I don't think for me it would be a distraction, but I don't know about her, or how she would feel about it. Well, I guess I'll just see how things go (And if anybody else reading this has experince on if its possible to stay freinds with somone if they turn you down, please post :icon_bigg !) Good luck to you as well!
I think you can date! Just say it's for fun! Good luck! Just say bring up a topic and after that just talk to her about going out, and you can say "Yeah, just for the heck of it" Act casual! Good luck! Don't be afraid to ask more questions.
You know she's gay and she knows that you are too. I wouldn't think of it as being an issue. The worst that can happen is that she says no, in which case things go back to the way they are now.
I would let a relationship progress naturally. If there is something there is will happen, you don't need to ask her out. Just try hanging out with her more, see if she is attracted to you as well. You could ask her out too, no big deal either, but with that there could be some awkwardness, especially if you are on the same sports team. I've only crushed on one of my teammates once, and he was definately not gay so there was no issue there, so I cannot say I know how you feel, as I never had a chance for anything to materialize(I tend to notice crushes on "straight" guys years later, because I never let them manifest into a real "crush"). I know with two open gay guys, if there was attraction, something would eventually happen. I do not know the sex drive of females though, they're a lot harder to read to maybe asking her out may be good enough.
Wow, thank you all for replying! I hope that it works, I think I'm going to invite her (just as freinds) to an event with some other freinds this weekend, and see how that goes. And then maybe ask her out for real at the end of the month/end of our season? You also all made me realize that I am so glad that I know she is gay, because if I didnt that would make this sooo much harder! Thanks again, you all are awesome!
