confusion about being mtf

Well, I'm not sure I have any advice, but I can certainly relate. When I'm hanging out with my guy friends I kind of slip back into my normal male personality. I don't really think about trans things and its only later that it occurs to me. I the proceed to feel like crap because I'm transitioning and I act like a guy and fit in with them (minus the sports and car talk). Its actually pretty frustrating, but I think its a pretty common issue, and you shouldn't let it deter you from believing you are trans.

 

Not sure I really have any advice per se either. I've really never had any guy friends who were extremely... Guy like... I guess... What I mean by that is the level I connect with them on is more a shared... Nerdity? On rare occasion when I'm around a group of guys just being guys, I'm kind of a fish out of water. Sometimes I'll try and pretend, but I'm usually a nervous wreck, analyzing everything I do and say.

I don't think it necessarily means you're kidding yourself though. It could be anything from habit to just not thinking about it for a while. I know for me, being Trans can be depressing at times, and although I don't slip into all out guy mode, hanging out with my friends takes me out of that funk and helps me not to sit and think about it and analyze it to death.

Advice, be yourself and pay attention to how you feel. I say this a lot, and I know its difficult but try to think if things without the actual label, just for a little while. If all else fails, there's nothing wrong with speaking to a professional about it either.

Don't know if this helped, but good luck

 

Family. I've only told my sister as far as family goes, it went well but I was a bundle of nerves. Unfortunately we never know exactly how someone is going to react. Advice: know what you want to say and be prepared. Write it down if you have to. A lot of people come out in letters and it seems to work well. Be prepared, as much as possible, for different reactions as well. Be prepared to answer questions as best you can, and remember, not everybody is going to be okay with this right away. That doesn't mean they won't come around. Remember that it can take time, so even if the initial reaction is less than perfect, doesn't mean it will stay that way.

 

Good luck! Hope I helped

 

I think it should be pointed out that a lot of what is considered "masculine" and "feminine" is socially constructed anyway. I (unfortunately) don't feel I am very stereotypical of what is thought of as feminine. However, there are lots of cisgender women that are not representative of that either. Our behavior does not dictate our gender. While I certainly like the feeling of engaging in behavior that makes me feel feminine, that neither validates or invalidates being trans.

 

Who you are when you are with your friends will always be a different person than who you are when you are with yourself, or your family, or your therapist. It's just how things work. Just because you feel less girly when your hanging out with a bunch of guys, doesn't make you any less of a girl. The only thing you should consider when determining if you are trans is whether or not you can continue living your life happily with a man's body along with the social implications thereof. If you NEED to have a woman's body, then that is why you transition.

 

I'm not MtF, but I am having similar issues. I have trouble, even on boy days, not reverting to being kinda cutesie? I cant think of another word...I act like a little kid in a really feminine way haha. I do that and then kind of look at myself and I'm like "Why the heck did I do that?!"...Its complicated...so I feel your pain a little I suppose. I'm sure things will smooth out eventually for both of us though! Keep truckin' girlie!

 

I know exactly how you feel! I often feel the same way. Although even when I am out with my guy friends there are usually girl friends that tag along. When everyone hangs out I feel normal but there are moments where I will also feel jealous of the other girls and then I often find myself socializing more with the girls than the guys. I'll get nervous that people will find out the truth all on there own. It's hard but I know where you are coming from.

 

It is just a natural knee-jerk reaction to the fear of alienation. Certainly, it would be very difficult to suddenly come out to all the people around you and hope they will maybe accept you, so you have to put on a mask and act in a way you know they will accept you.
And I know, it will confuse you once you have to go through it for so long. You will question whether you are really transgender, or whether you are just messed up. Many nights I just cannot sleep, torturing myself with that question.
But think about this: who are you, when you are all alone, looking at yourself in the mirror? Be the one you feel most natural, and stop thinking so much about what it means to be a girl, or a guy for that matter.

 

It's an easy answer: when you hang out with you're friends, you're not forgeting anything, you're just focusing on other things.

I know it's easy to "make an issue" about how one feels, specially after we accept ourselves, so we think of it all the time. The fact you stop thinking on it when you are with your friends, doesn't mean you're not feeling you are a girl, just that you stopped to make it an "issue at hand" for the time being.

It's not a bad thing. Remeber that your personality (what you do and enjoy) is independent of your gender. If when you hang out with your friends you feel good, then you stop thinking on other things, and start relaxing.

For example, 2 weeks ago I went to the supermarket with the 2 friends that know my secret. Last sunday I went to the supermarket with my family.

When I went with my family, we passed through the Women's Clothes area, and I had to make an incredible effort to not stop and look something for myself (having no money at all helped a lot); but when we reached the electronics and books area, I could concentrate on those things instead of thinking on that beautyful dress I saw. From Target we got to WalMart, and there I wasn't thinking on clothing and the other things I wanted to buy; and I just started enjoying the trip. Of course, I didn't forget my woman side, I just wasn't thinking on it.

When I went with my friends 2 weeks ago, I was looking for some things for my apartment, and we were enjoying the trip. When we reached the woman's isle (the disposition ot that particular store was somewhat bizzare) I made some comments about I needed "this" and "that", and one of my friends (transgender FtM) offered to buy them for me if I was too embarassed. I rejected the offer (again, lack of money), and we continued shopping without any trouble at all. I thought (and talked) about that only wen we crossed that section, but didn't thought of that again that night (well until they returned their homes and I put on something more comfortable).

Don't know if this helped at all, but I'm glad if I could help!!!
(*hug*) and bye!!