Hey, It's been a while since I last posted on the forum, but I thought I'd come back and ask for general advice again. The last time I posted, it was an anxiety driven disaster. These days I've calmed down a lot and really relaxed. In the past few months I feel like I've learned a lot about myself, but trying to sort through everything now is what's been bothering me. At this point I know I don't have HOCD even though I tend to be an over-thinker. Seems to me like HOCD really doesn't exist now just because I know anxiety doesn't happen without some sort of cause (just sayin'). These days I know that I cannot be 100% straight after going through a lot of questioning of my sexuality. Now it's just a matter of figuring out where I fit in the spectrum of things I guess. What's happening now is just general confusion of what I find more attractive and if I need to explore to answer some of the questions I'm having. A couple things in my head here: 1) Will trying to explore my sexuality answer the questions I've been having? Or will it only lead to more questioning and confusion? 2) If I don't do this, then will I just become miserable and unhappy? (I'm pretty unhappy and confused now) What seems to hold me back are general fears and confusion I've been having. Since my ex and I broke up, we still talk and hook up from time to time (it's fwb at the moment). I feel like I still love her and think of if things could work between us, but I'm also afraid that any relationship I revive or start now could end up right back to where I am now. What scares the hell out of me is this scenario: I start a relationship and feel it's what I want, then get married, have kids, then realize it doesn't make me happy. I know I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life that's for sure though. I've been trying to move on from my ex. So I have been with a couple other girls. In one case the sex was ok, but no emotional attachment (felt really empty). In the other case, it was a really hectic lusty, crazy fun thing with a friend and it was really hot (not sure if it was a mistake because she was a friend, but I try not to worry about it). I was thinking about seeing her again...then there was this other cute girl in the club...anyways... Where I'm really stuck at in my head is this: I still find girls attractive, but I'm afraid to start a relationship with one. I find guys attractive too, but I have no idea if I should start a relationship with one or if I just want to do some experimenting (can I do the physical and emotional? No idea...maybe? *sigh*...). Long post, I hope It makes sense for the most part.
You seem pretty straight to me buddy. I've never done any of that shit with girls, or has the thought even crossed my mind. I think a lot of "straight" guys find other guys attractive and could sleep with them, it's just easier to do the whole female thing. Doesn't seem liek you have much of a problem, and you are complicating things for no reason. Unless you aren't being completely honest with yourself about your feelings towards guys, why woudl you be struggling so hard if you had such good relationships with girls? If I were you I wouldn't be worrying about thinking that guys are hot, cause some are, and so are some girls, and if you are attracted to girls for the most part you are straight.
Yeah, you could be right. I was being pretty honest. My mind keeps jumping around between straight, gay and bi. I've been questioning my sexuality for a few months now and I'm just hoping things would figure themselves out sooner than later. I'm not a patient person. I think bisexual might make the most sense for now? Some gay thoughts have crossed my mind and it does turn me on, but talking to a girl and hooking up with her definitely gets me going too. I've talked to one of my gay friends about it (questioning sexuality and stuff) and he says that it really doesn't matter what your sexuality is in the end. Solid guy. I just want to be happy and maybe I'm feeling a little lonely after the breakup with my ex. I feel bad for my cousin though after visiting family this weekend. He's come out of the closet (most of the family knows), but because most of my family is conservative and religious he gets a lot of pressure/disapproval. I told him it's cool and everyone should just relax about it . Recently, I've been finding (in my life) religion is more of a problem than a help and proof of that is even in my parents relationship! Guess I'll just keep pushing on for now and see how things work out.
You do seem pretty straight like WooEEE said. However there isn't anything wrong with experimenting if that is what you feel like you need to do in order to help figure yourself out, many people do it. I would just make sure to be safe and also have the other guy know that you aren't looking for anything serious so he doesn't go into things with the wrong idea and end up getting hurt. Usually guys in your situation try to seek out other "straight & curious" guys to try stuff with, then it is typically less emotional and more about having the "experience"," which I say that since I assume you aren't looking for a relationship with a male at this time and just want to try things?
I'm definitely not looking for a relationship, so I guess if I really do feel the need for the experience I'll take your advice and make sure things are clear ahead of time.
Hello again, So I recently tried some stuff with a guy to try and put the questioning to rest. We did some kissing and then we tried jerking each other off. I didn't really enjoy the kissing and I didn't get hard when he was jerking me off. Everything felt weird and surreal. I don't regret it, but I still find myself questioning my sexuality. I thought doing something like this would put it all past me, but it's still there. Recently I've had these weird fantasies of blowing a guy and trying anal sex but I thought it doesn't make any sense since I didn't enjoy my last go. So I have no idea what to do now. I wanted to figure this out and move on with my life with knowing who I was. The questioning bothers me on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel depressed and most of the time I can't focus on anything that I am doing. I'm open to opinions and suggestions.
What I've figured out - which is a little obvious but it may help - is that it all depends on how you feel about the person. For example, I know I like girls, but if I thought about any average girl it wouldn't really be that hot for me. It's when I think about girls that I like, that are my type, that I have that chemistry with... that's when things start to change. Maybe you should wait until your feelings/body tell you different. There's no particular guy that you'd love to experiment with, for example, is there?
Hmmm....there's no particular guy I've fantasize about. I thought maybe my gay friend, but no because he's my friend and that's no good. Then maybe I thought about this guy I play ultimate with, then I thought no about that as well because he's another friend. But you bring up a point that makes a lot of sense. Sex seems 10 times more fun and intimate when it's with someone you have strong feelings for. I was thinking about trying to join a gay/bi group in my city. It could help me with my homophobia and also help me figure things out. I'm worried though that if I join an lgbt group, or something that, I would be outing myself when I'm still unsure of which way I lean.
Yeah there is a danger of that in generally outing yourself when you're not sure, but joining an LGBT group is usually pretty safe. A lot of members are often in dangerous situations at home, so can't come out etc etc, so it's not like they'll be banding your sexuality about willy nilly. Since I've come out to myself and come to uni, I've realised that there aren't that many hot lesbians around... even at the LGBT group. Really for you to find people that're your type and that you're into you need to be on the prowl. It's hard to be on the prowl if you're in the closet. Even if you're questioning, you need to be able to express that interest in people when and where you see it, otherwise the opportunity to explore what you feel may just pass you by.
