I hate my life, I hate myself, I'm over it and want to just end it now. So lately my gf and I have been going through a rough patch, completely my fault, I've been making stupid mistakes and not making her a priority and neglecting her, we've had so many fights and arguments whenever we talk. So today I tried to make amends, tried to apologize and tell her I'll do better... but she's over it and we broke up. She said that she's tired of trying to deal with me and all my unresolved issues (I have anxiety and intimacy issues among suicidal thoughts and gender dysphoria that I'm kinda sorting out in therapy), it's taking too much emotional strain on her and she said I need to take time out for myself and be stable before trying to have a steady relationship. It's the last straw for me, ive never felt so sad and heartbroken right now, I don't want to deal with myself because I hate it so much. I wish I was dead. Sorry bout the rant but I'm on the edge right now with scissors next to me shaking as I type this and no one else to support me. Im only scheduled to see my psych again on Friday but it will surprise me if I even make it til then.:tears::icon_sad:
Put the scissors down and get a cup of coffee. You are going to be just fine. Breakups always hurt, but life goes on (as long as you let it). It is perfectly reasonable advice that you work out some of these personal issues before dedicating yourself to a relationship with someone. You have to love yourself before you can truly love another. Please don't hurt yourself. It's going to be okay.
If you aren't feeling safe (i.e. aren't capable of/willing to preventing yourself from self-harm or suicide) you need to call your therapist ASAP. If you can't get in touch with him/her, call a crisis line. This is a serious problem and needs to be dealt with immediately.
Take a hot shower and/or go jogging. Those helped me when I wanted to kill myself. You owe it to yourself to work through this though, it may seem dark now but you will come through this all right. Believe that, when life has you down that much it only gets better. Just give it time.
I know it might be hard to see right now, but I think that your gf breaking up with you might be a good thing. Breakups suck, but sometimes they give us space and time to sort things out. I bet in a while, after youve dealt with a few things, youll be happier. You might meet somebody else and have a more fulfilling relationship because of all this. I know it probably feels like youve lost something amazing. And I dont know you or her, so its not my place to say wether it was or not. But maybe in the future youll look back and actually thank her for breaking up with you. It might give you what you need right now, which will help you in a future relationship one day. Either way, life will get better. I promise you it will. If you push on it gets easier everyday. It wont be long before your back to feeling good about life. You just got to stick through the tough times for a bit. I know it sounds trite, but its true.
From your post I've gathered this much: 1) Your therapist is here to support you. 2) We're here to support you. I don't have anything exciting to say that someone else hasn't already mentioned, but you could probably use a hug. It'll be okay, really. (*hug*)
Mogget said exactly what I was about to. You should attempt to set up an emergency appointment with your therapist and if that isn't possible call a help line. Break ups are had, and even worse when you have other issues like gender dysphoria in the mix (believe me I know), but the hurt will pass. If you'd like a help line to talk to here is a link to the trevor project's lifeline. Preventing Suicide Among LGBTQ Youth | The Trevor Project Please take care of yourself. (*hug*)
Hi there! As others have mentioned, talk to your therapist, call an emergency support line. Talk to someone about what happened. (*hug*) I did bit of a search, and going by your location information, I have found a crisis line that you could call. Try calling the Salvo Care Line in Brisbane. From the info on their website, it seems that they are well equipped to provide you with some support and least give you an outlet to talk about what happened. (*hug*)
Hey guys, wow thank u so much for the support. I'm still here, what stopped me on Monday was my dad calling me to help him in the garden, it was a good distraction being outside. I tried to get in touch with my therapist but she's been caught up all week with appointments and stress, so I called Salvo line, but hung up as soon as it answered I hate talking on the phone to strangers (thanks anyways Mirko), but the energy from the anxiety was a change of emotion that kinda helped. I'm just putting myself into so much work that I can hardly think about anything else... It's when I stop to breath that the thoughts and urges start again, as soon as I woke up this morning I thought about killing myself. :bang: But I'm going to try stick it out til Friday to see my psych and go from there...
