I want to come out, but I'm too nervous

mollyxoxo,

I know the feeling. The first people I came out to were my parents. I tried many times to tell them, but I always choked. For months, I listened to Lady Gaga on my way to and from swim practice to try to help build up confidence, but I was never able to vocalize that I was gay. Eventually, I wrote them a letter. I am the kind of person who needs to stay organized. I like structure in my life, especially in uncomfortable situations.

Who you first come out to is not important as long as you are confidant they will be supportive. Nothing delays you being true to yourself more than added fear brought on by a bad coming out experience. It's important to build a support system. I came out in a letter because I could put down all that had been on my mind and explain how I was feeling. It also gives the person you're coming out to time to process what you're telling them. My parents were incredibly supportive, but it still came as a shock to them.

To be perfectly honest, my first time coming out was the scariest thing I had ever done, and it wasn't like I felt so much better right after I came out. It took me a night's rest to settle my mind and realize that what I had done was right. I will say I did feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders after my first coming out, and after each successive coming out experience, my confidence grew exponentially. The first few are difficult, but it gets unbelievably better after you gain confidence.

The "right time" to come out is different for everyone. You are young still, but that should not be a deterrent in making your decision to come out. If you have come out to yourself and you are starting to feel like it is more of a burden to keep your sexuality hidden, it is probably time to start coming out.

It's a difficult thing to do, but you will feel incredible once you've made the decision to be open and honest with those you care about. Definitely think about writing a letter. This helps with the nerves that build as you get closer to coming out. Best of luck in coming out, and if you have any questions, I'd be happy to help.

 

To be honest, I've never understood why all the rush. Let's face it, if you come out during or before high school, your life will be worse in high school.

 

well, there's NO way to get rid of the nervousness. you're going to feel like that regardless. what you should do is when you feel like you're up and ready to say it to them, just go to them, talk with them for a minute or two, collect your thoughts and your nerves then tell them. whatever happens after that is whatever happens BUT as long as you tell them... :eusa_clap good luck and hope everything goes well.

---------- Post added 8th Oct 2012 at 10:50 PM ----------

i agree with what you're saying. speaking as someone that is coming out in their mid going to late 20s, it's better she does it now then deal with it later. she might go through hell in high school BUT i believe that she can make it through though.

 

Try a letter, put it somewhere they'll find it and let them read it.

It may be nerve racking to wait for the response, but if you are finding it hard to tell them it is a good way. I did this, and would have never been able to tell my mom if not.

Once you write it, you feel better, then you put it somewhere and let the piece of paper do the work, you sit and wait for a bit and then its done, there is no effort required. The nervousness you will experience while waiting for them to read it outweighs the nervousness you get from wanting to verbally tell them.

When I decided to verbally tell my parents I had an anxiety attack and couldnt do it, when I wrote the letter I was just overall nervous for a bit. I even went on vacation with my friends so I had a week to wonder about it, I eventually forgot I had even done it, and when I got back my mom surprised me with a hug.

If your parents will accept you, just write it down, all your feelings, leave it somewhere, and take off to your friends house or something.

 

Good to hear, you dodged a bullet by doing that, being in the closet to your parents is crappy.