Ok I'm gonna start from the beggining... I guess I always knew I was differnt, in nursery and primary school I made friends with the girls a lot easier than the guys and did more girly things. At the time I wasnt in to violence and football like all the other boys were. I continued to grow up (suprisingly) and I got to year 6 (10-11 year olds) and had two close male friends (one who I susspect is gay and one who I think isn't). I had many other friends and people I knew though more were girls than guys. I liked a girl who also liked football and Reading FC (I had propperly got into it by then) but she didnt like me back. It was around this time that I had my first experience with a guy, he was the friend who I think is gay. He taught me how to wank and even helped me. I went off to secondary school and me striaght friend came with me and my other close friend went to a different school. I was the first from my friendship group of guys to go out with a girl, we dated for 6 months but then broke up. The most we did was kiss. We are now very good friends. At the time all her friends thought I was gay, I'm not sure why though. Over the next couple of years I dated a few more girls but the most I did with any of them was kiss. During this period I had more experiences with both my close friends from primary school and one with another guy who I knew through various clubs. I had a very large group of friends and people who I got on with. It was about 50-50 guys to girls. There was one guy who had come out as gay and another who was Bi. Anywho all the guys would flirt with other guys in a jokey way and everyone seemed fine with it. There is about 40-50 people in this group who all hang around together at break and lunch. During this period I also started looking at gay porn, I never looked and lesbian or straight porn, I;m not to sure why. Then some of my friends were talking aout straight porn so I found some when I got home but it didn't realy interest me. I was now in year 10 (14-15 year olds). Te gayasked me out once last year some time but I said no. He's alright but an emo, who annoys me quite abit. A fair few people susspected I was gay and asked me about it and all the chavs from our school are convinced with telling me I'm gay. I was the most stylish person in our group of friends so I started wearing nicer clothes that made me look "gay" apparently. Anywho I kept telling myself I fancied girls but I don't know if this was me trying to cover up who I really am or if it was for real. One of my closest friends (who is a girl in the year below who is going out with my best friend from primary school) was talking to me on msn and me if I was bi, and I said yes because I knew I had some feelings for guys. I am really confused I have also told me ex-girlfriend who I am also really close with. I want to tell my two other best friends, the guy and this other girl but I dont know how and I don't want to tell them if it turns ou that I'm gay. I also want to tell my mum first because I think she wold accept it and I dont want her finding out from someone else. So from all of this can you tell whether I am gay or bi, I might just be telling myself I'm bi to sound more "normal". I would one day like to have kids because I love them and do lots of volunteer work with them. I have no desire to have sex with a woman and never have and I know I enjoy doing stuff with guys though the furthest I've gone is hand-jobs. I don't know if I want a relationship with a guy though or maybe thats my brain being stupid. I'm 15 with a large group of friends who I think would support me and am told I am quite good looking. Oh I nearly forgot, the Bi guy came out as gay and he likes me and we had so much fun together on the house boat trip (a school disco for people who do extra-curricular activities) and we got really into it. Then on the last day of term I kissed him on the cheek to say goodbye. On the way home from school I found out that he likes me from a friend and I am now very confussed. Apparently someone saw me kiss him and then it went round. Wow that was long, sorry aout this guys please help, if you can desipher what it means. I want to tell my mum first though but I dont know how, any advice?
Hi, Getting straight to the point: from reading that, it sounds as if you are gay - you seem to have a strong sexual attraction to guys and no sexual attraction to girls. From the sounds of it, I'm pretty much the same age as you: 15, just abou to go into Year 11 and I'm out to all my close friends. It sounds as if your group of friends are likely to be supporting as there are others who have already come out so that shouldn't pose too much of a problem and to be honest just ignore the chavs Regarding children - certainly with me, I too have a desire to have children but no desire to have sex with a woman, but that still doesn't rule things out. Adoption is a viable option especially with the recent-ish change in the law regarding gay adoption. For coming out to parents, it depends very much on what you feel comfortable with, some people like to tell their parents straight, some people work it into a conversation - maybe about something on the news or in a soap, some people write a letter - giving you more time to think about what you want to say. But before you do, I advise that you become comfortable with yourself and your own identity. Now I'm the one who needs to apologise for a long-ish post, but if you would like to talk further, just PM me for my MSN address I hope this has helped (*hug*) Will
