Something unimaginable happened the other day and things have been insane. I lost someone I loved deeply. My kids father's brother lost his life on the same day as my sister's birthday. I'm grieving, but I'm hanging onto the little faith I've regained. I'm hanging on, even though it hurts :tears: I'm still gay, and I'm here for him, but it's extremely difficult. I'm at a lost...:help:
I'm gay, but I feel pressured to be with my kids father. I was in a rush earlier, so I left out details. He's in terrible condition right now, how do I dare tell him that I'm here for him and because his brother was a brother to me. I'm shutting the girl whom I'm dating out, which is wrong. She knows, but I don't know how to tell him that I cannot be with him like that :help:
I know its hard but I think its important to be honest, its hard to imagine exactly what you or he is going through but I think you have to say to him, I like or love you like a brother and im here for you 100% but im not getting back together with you. Make sure you take time for yourself this is hard on you too.
That's just not an option for me right now. Everyone expects us to be to together again. I'm gay though, I can't just turn off my gayness.
You can be there for him without being a significant other - everyone gets supports from friends, and yes, even sometimes exes. If you can't be involved without giving in to pressure to be "with" him, though, it might be a sign that you're not the one to comfort him at this point. If you give in, it will only confuse the situation even more, and he doesn't need that right now. Go back to the girl you're dating. She cares for you and can support you - don't forget that you need taking care of in this situation too. (*hug*)
Well I dont think you should have to tell everyone that you are gay but I think you have to just try and be strong and say neither of you are in a position to be getting back together at the moment it will only end in disaster even if you werent gay. I agree that you should try and keep talking to the girl you need support.
I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. (&&&) I think silverhalo is right on the money. Of course you want to be there for the father of your children. That's probably natural and you'll always be connected through your kids and hopefully friendship too. You can still maintain boundaries though and be clear that the relationship will not be going back to the way it was. It is important as well to make time for yourself and make time for your girlfriend. Give her the opportunity to be there for you as this is a tough time for you as well. Rather than push her away allow her to come closer by communicating that she is an integral part of your life too. I wish you the best!
That is very sad I'm sorry for your loss. It doesn't make sense, though, that anyone could force the two of you to be in an intimate relationship regardless of your gayness. Let him know you're there for him but continue to live your own life. Am I correct to assume the two of you do not live together?
Can you tell him you are not getting back together but kind of not tell the rest of the family. I mean if you spend a bit of time together perhaps they will think you are even if you are not. What do you think they would say if you said no?
They keep making comments about us living together again and & getting married. I'm here with him--the place he shared with his brother & he gave me his house key. It's want his brother would have wanted, but I never told him that I prefer to be with a woman. I feel pressured to be here for him in a different way, in a way they expect of me. I'm trying grieve in a different way, but it's like I have to put my feelings on hold. And thanks for the replies
Why not tell him that then? That you love him but not the way everyone wants you to? Again, none of them can govern your life. And if his brother cared about you then wouldn't he want you to be happy too?
I think you just have to tell him, not about the girl preference because that isnt the point. Say you know its what everyone including his brother would have wanted but what everyone would want more is for you both to be happy and neither of you will be happy together even if he thinks that is what he wants now.
HI, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss, the loss of your brother in law. You must be grieving too, very much. I also find it sad beyond words that even in this time of shock and grief you have to deal with all the issues of your sexuality, it's simply too much. With everything a family goes through at a time like this, you shouldn't have all this added stress (if the world was fair). Please try to care for yourself in this difficult time, and if you need to vent, we're here for you. I'm sending you my best wishes.
The majority of his family knew that I was gay. I guess they think it's a choice as well and because of what happened, I'll be straight again. I'm here for him, but when should I have the heart to heart conservation? I love him, but not like that...I feel guilty because his brother wanted he and I to be together ”like that...” I want to go home and grieve differently, but how does that make me look? No bueno Just like we are celebrated at birth, we should be celebrated in death. It hurts and I'll always miss him, but it's almost like, he's telling me to be strong. I think my tear ducts are malfunctioning at the moment because I can't cry anymore. I'm so happy because I enjoyed every moment that I spend with him. It hurts more because it was because of jealously
It makes you look like a human being. You have your own emotions. Your kids' father can't become dependent on you, he also has to go on with his own life.
I dont think you should feel you owe it to him to give him the "gift" of sex. I do understand how you feel, especially as women it is easy for us to use our bodies as a kind of a "gift" and give people sex even if we absolutely hate having sex with them. We are conditioned to be self-sacrificing. Think about though. You are gay, so you are giving up yourSELF when you are with him. That is not healthy at all.
Thank you, so much ameliawesome...I know that he would want me to be happy. Thanks so much to everyone else, your words makes me feel so much better. And I'm not with him like that...no sexual relations.
