Hello everyone! I have now come out to six friends over the course of a little over two weeks. I feel really liberated, and I'm now taking a break from coming out. But today I was thinking about my plans. I don't know whether I should just tell my closest friends and let high school go by without telling everyone, or to be completely out. I am concerned that some ignorant people with bully me and I'm especially worried about that in regard to extra pressure built on top of revising for exams. However, I do want to be open and to have a boyfriend and for no one to be in the dark. DILEMMA!!! Also, in Religious Studies I am very vocal in my support for homosexuality within Christianity. This has led to some people, who don't know that I'm gay, calling me gay and homosexual. This is purely based on my behaviour in class, but it's very awkward because, obviously, I am gay. After class, a classmate said to me "So are you gay? I wanted to know because they all call you gay so...." and I was totally stuck on what to do. I dodged the question for ages - I don't want to lie, but I also don't want this spreading. Eventually after loads of dodging, I told him I wasn't gay. I was really unhappy afterwards - what should I do in this situation?!?
It would be hard for me to give advice because I'm still mostly in the closet, however, I would think that coming out little by little would be better because I think (not 100% sure, this is just my opinion) as it sets in other peoples minds they can be supportive and it gives them time to take it in. Then as more time goes by you can tell more people and it might get easier as you have more support behind you. This again is just a thought and my opinion. Kind of a controlled release of having people knowing about you.
Clearly, you have the urge to relieve yourself of this secrecy. If there's one thing I've learnt about secrecy, it can cause your friends and peers to slowly drift from you, because they'll sense that you're keeping something from them. You may think that you're doing yourself a favour. Maybe. Maybe not (I've also only outed myself to a select few) In my view, you should go for it. Unburden yourself of the lie that you feel you're living, of the lie you're telling your classmates. Life is freedom, and freedom is being who you are. You go, Olli!
Do what u feel is right . If u want to tell a few friends go for it. If u don't don't. Or u could just say yes when asked but ultimately its up to u. ---------- Post added 9th Oct 2012 at 04:59 PM ---------- For me some of my friends know but my family doesn't as they are homophobic. If u they are ur friends the should support u if they don't I'm sorry too say they are not very good friends
I definitely understand the uncomfortable feeling you get when people call you gay. I even get a little uncomfortable when people around me call other people (who are clearly straight) gay. I know it's all in jest, but it's still awkward. I tend to feel even more awkward when there is someone in the room who I've come out to because if I were to have to respond to an inquisition concerning my sexuality, I wouldn't know what to say. I feel naked. I have come out to a number of friends, and I want to be totally out. I've been struggling with how to come out to the world, but I received some advice from one of the experts on this site. He basically said simply not to hide the fact that you're gay. I know this sounds easier than it probably is, and I, myself, have not had an opportunity to test this method, but it might be the way to go. If someone does ask you if you're gay, just tell them you are and try not to make a big deal over it. Like I said, probably easier in theory than in practice, but it's something to consider.
Wow thats a hard situation. You could say something like "i prefer to keep my personal life private". Also, if you are ready to label yourself as gay, because you are 100% positive about your sexuality, then first you need your support system. If you already told your close friends and they are not only accepting, but willing to support you, then whats holding you back to come out? People are always going to judge you, but if you have your friends to support you, then they cant touch you. Good luck with everything! And by the way, before comming out publically think about what you want to do, and how you want to do it, for at least a month, becuase you dont want to have regrets. When your ready, be confident in yourself
Hey Olli, It sounds to me like coming out is going well for you and that you'd like to be completely out. It's certainly liberating to not have to keep secrets, especially when your friends and peers are asking you. I'd encourage you to be open with people who you trust with two caveats: 1. It's worth considering just how serious the bullying might be. Is it possible that you would be physically harmed? If so, and your school won't be supportive, protecting yourself might be a good reason to keep quiet. 2. In schools and other small environments, coming out is more difficult to control than it seems to be. At some point, you'll tell someone who will spill the beans and the secret will be out. In my own experience it was definitely worth it to come out. I expected my school to be judgmental but EVERYONE has been incredibly supportive and I've never been happier since coming out. I realize I'm very lucky, but thought it was worth pointing out that sometimes it seems like coming out will be worse than it is. Hope that helps! Daisy
