Over the past few weeks I've found myself crying a lot and just being upset for no reason. I went to counseling over the summer and I felt like things were starting to look up for me. But lately everything seems to be taking a nose dive and I don't know why. I've started going out and bein social, well social for me which isn't very social, but I get out more than I used too. But I've found that I'm losing my motivation, I've started feeling suicidal again and I feel like I spend too much time crying. Also, I've never been the kind of person whose felt the need to have a boyfriend, but now I want one so bad just to feel good about myself, and I know that's completely the wrong reason to date a guy and really unhealthy, but I can't stop wanting a boyfriend. I spent most of life bottling up my emotions and now that I've started to stop bottling them up, it's like I can't control them. I feel like all the progress I made earlier is being erased and I'm losing my mind, I don't really feel like myself anymore. I don't know why I'm feeling so down and upset, but it doesn't seem to be going away. I can still keep up my happy facade around people, but as soon as I'm alone, I'm a complete wreck. I'm seeing a counselor at my school tomorrow, but I just needed to get this out.
You pretty much described the exact same thing I'm feeling right now. I want a boyfriend so bad, but for all the wrong reasons. As well as crying for no reason. You're only 18, You can't even drink yet. You have your whole life ahead of you and you should enjoy being single. You have plenty of time to date and all the stuff later. There's someone out there for everyone. Go make some friends, try new things and soon you won't feel so bad.
Hey, take a deep breath. It'll right itself. I went through something really similar. For no apparent reason I spent a week in bed crying and sleeping. I still don't know what caused it but random mood shifts like that happen sometimes and they tend to pass as randomly and suddenly as they come. I will say what really helped me was working and feeling like I had a purpose. Definitely don't bottle up your emotions. Then they just all burst out at once and that tends to be a lot worse than dealing with them as they come. Good luck with your counselor! I'm sure they'll be a lot more helpful than me but if nothing else know you're not the only person who's felt like this. (*hug*)
(*hug*) I'm glad that you're letting out your feelings both to us and to the counselor tomorrow. Regardless of how unpleasant those feelings may be, I want you to give yourself credit for feeling and sharing them and not numbing/bottling them up anymore. Since you've spent almost your whole life bottling, I congratulate you all the more. Setbacks are common in recovery processes and in life generally, and it's only been a few months since you've tackled this lifelong problem head on. Just be authentic with your counselor. Find a trustworthy friend you can drop the happy facade with. It sounds to me based on your sudden desire for a boyfriend and your past problems with socializing like you're hungry for connection and intimacy. Being honest about your emotions is the first step towards that, so you have indeed progressed, not regressed.
This right here is the key. You are definitely making strides in not bottling up emotions, and in a sense, experience this kind of distress is normal when you finally start working on things. Spoiler alert - spending *any* time crying from depression is a sign that you need help, especially if you're having any kind of suicidal thoughts. Can you start opening up to people more about your feelings? Try letting the happy facade down a little bit. It could be beyond relaxing for you to acknowledge how you're feeling to some of your friends. And if the happy facade is the sign of more work to be done, this is the sign that you're making progress. Get out what you need to - whether on EC or anywhere else. It will do you good.
So I went to see my counselor today, it was okay, I haven't quite decided if I like her or not, so I might end up getting a different one. On the plus side, I spent a few hours with people from my scholar society, it helped take my mind off things. I had a mini heart-to-heart with one of my friends there, I told him that I have anxiety and depression problems, something I've never admitted to anyone in real life other than counselors and my parents, it was a baby step, but at least it's a start.
Hey Cornella...if its any consolation I had a lot of that kind of trouble today...(I posted earlier today about it if you want details..."Feeling so down today"...) Just...you're an awesome guy. One of the people that made me feel welcome here. I hope things get better for you <3
One of the hardest things, for people used to keeping everything locked away and bottled up, is that when you do start letting the feelings come up, it can be momentarily a little difficult to control. But it gets better pretty quickly. It's sort of like opening a relief valve in a pressure system... the steam will rush out like crazy at first, but then it equalizes and comes out at a more normal rate. And, of course, if you're used to not feeling the feelings at all, they're all the more overwhelming. The truth is, you're totally on the right track. You're not regressing, you're getting closer to being able to feel and emote in a healthy way. Talking to your friends is a huge help. Sharing here at EC can be helpful too. You've got a lot locked up so just be OK with the idea it will take a little while to get the pressure "equalized."
