they knew anyway...

You've gotten farther than I have. I'm currently contemplating coming out, probably starting with my mom. I've been thinking about it, and there are definately people out there right now whom I don't want to find out. I know one guy (who was bi) asked me about a month ago if I was gay, because he and his friend (who was gay) had been discussing it. He thought I was straight, his friend thought I was gay, and he decided just to ask me. I, of course, said I was straight. He told me a couple days latter that he had felt horrible asking me about it. What's a good way to tell him that I am gay, after all?

It's weird. I swear that my mom at least suspects that I'm gay. She makes comments that, I'm not sure if it's just how I interpret them, but I swear she knows. Like the other day, my sister and I were having a discussion in the car. We were talking, and she asked me something to the extent of "you want to get married and have kids, right?" I (as i haven't come out yet) was silent, and my mom came in with "not everyone gets married when they grow up." I'm pretty sure she'd accept it, it's just hard getting the courage to tell her.

 

I think it won't be that difficult telling your gay/bi friends that you're gay. If you just say something like "I feel terrible about not telling the truth. I just wasn't ready to tell anyone yet" they should totally understand seeing as they were most likely in the exact same position as you at one point in their lives. And as for your straight friends...they should also understand the position you're in, and, if they're your true friends, they should accept you, no questions asked (well...maybe some questions...but not a whole lot).

As for your mom stephen...my mom's pretty much in the same boat...the other day she was going on about how she thinks I should be a priest (I vehemently reject that idea) and she's like "in the episcopal church you can get married and be a priest. You can also be gay..." and its just little comments like those that she (and my dad) makes...but I think it should be easier to tell her if she already seems to have some inkling that you might be gay.

 

I'm not sure about others, but if someone who had been denying approached me and told me they were gay, I would understand. After all, it pretty much the same thing I'm going through right now.

Straight people are going to be a little more "interesting" (i've never told any straight friends, or any friends so far, so everything i'm going to say is a guess). I think, like you said, it's really going to depend on their personality. Someone who has other gay/bi friends and is a little more informed and tolerant is going to be more accepting than someone who is a complete homophobe.


Ok, so I finally got up the courage to tell my mom. I've been doing a lot of back-to-school shopping with her, so there's been a lot of time where it's just me and her in the car. So, today after we stopped at the bank, I finally got enough courage to tell her. She took it supprisingly well, I thought. I think the fact that she had suspicions about it definatly helped my cause. She told me to be careful with gay relationships, and warned me against sexual activity, but besides that, she was really supportive.

She also though that my dad would be ok with it if I told him. He has a gay brother, so he's got some history with it. It sounds like (from what he just told me) his brother didn't come out until about 8 years ago, and he's in his 50's). He had also had some suspicions, so he took it rather well. Although, while my mom seems to long have accepted the idea, he appears to still be in the denial stage.

I just told them tonight, and I've hardly spent any time talking about it, so I've got a feeling they'll be asking more questions. I'm still trying to figure out if/when I'm going to tell my sibblings (my sister's 15 and my brother's 12).

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to take all of the focus. I promise, that's not what I'm trying to do.

 

Yah, we had different things going on with our parents. I knew that both parents had suspicions, and I wanted to get it over with. You, on the other hand, seem to have a lot more uncertainty with your dad.

I've thought about the whole choise thing, and have come up with this concusion (simmilar to your mom's): If I had had a choise, I would have chosen to be straight. I'm the type of person who likes to blend in with the croud, and being gay doesn't exactky help that. If I was given the chance to change my orientation, say tomorrow, I definately wouldn't do it. I am who I am, and don't feel any regrets.

I'm still curious in regards to the original topic question. For those of you who who have come out, how did you deal with the issue of telling people you lied about your sexuality, especially to those who were straight? suburbs_of_sodom, thanks for your comments. I'm just curious how other people have handled it.

 

Since I'm right on the verge of outing myself to most of my old (hetero)buddies, I can understand your concern about not having told them the truth at sometime in the past. But hey, you shouldn't feel guilty for choosing the time and place to reveal something as personal as your sexual orientation. If they already knew or assumed that you were gay, they probably didn't believe your denial anyway, so no harm done.

I'm just anxious to set the record straight with friends I care about. We spent a lot of time together at my old job and many a night partying. I already told one of the gals via email and she is fine with it. The rest of us are meeting on 31 August and I'm trying to get most of the gang together. I don't think any of them will think that I lied to them. At the time, I just wasn't ready to even admit it to myself, much less to my friends, even though they might have suspected long before I figured it out. That's what I'm curious about and I'll find out next week. I'll probably get some comments like "Yeah I always wondered about you." I can live with that. The main thing is that I'm being open and honest with them now. It doesn't much matter what anyone said or thought 6 months ago.

As we evolve, the truth evolves. All you have to do is explain why you denied that you were gay. Simple answer, you weren't ready to tell them. Even close friends will understand that. Hope that helps. I'll let you know how my little reunion goes after the long weekend.

Lorenz:icon_smil

 

That's really weird 'cause that's exactly what's been going with me...minus the telling her part. We are in the car alone toghether almost everyday, especially now that's she's starting to give me tons of driving lessons. So everyday I get out of the car and kick myself for not using that perfect opportunity. Although I am a little hesitant about doing it in the car, just seeing as how if she were totally shocked she could easily ram the car into an on coming truck and that would just be no fun at all.

But it's kind of funny how she has no idea...she's picked up on the fact that I'm a really good shoe shopper and so she goes "wow, you have really good taste in shoes. You're just like your father." and I'm like "umm, ok. wait....what??".

Oh, and Tired, your mom sounds awesome.

 

I'm 18. I've just entered college, so things have really gotten interesting recently. Ah, but I think I'll save this for a new topic...

I was lucky, because when I did that, I was driving. We had just gone to a bank, so I went and stopped in the parking lot, incase anything major happened.

 

My reunion last Thursday went great:icon_bigg . Nobody went into shock and it was marvelous to be honest with everyone that I’ve known so long. My old girlfriend had bought some toiletries and told me to watch them while she made a quick stop at home. She made a special point of telling me not to mess with the body lotion. Naturally, I couldn’t resist the opening and blurted out that these days, I’m more interested in lubricant than body lotion. That generated quite a bit of laughter, including my own for having said it.

Anyway, I have some very cool hetero friends who are more than understanding and certainly not homophobic. Much to the contrary, they are so pleased that I’m happy. Bottom line, if they are really your friends, they will accept you the way you are.(!)

And Brenton, you sound like you're in more agony about coming out to your dad than your dad could ever be when he finally finds out. This is just a wild guess but dads are not less intelligent than moms:lol: Chances are your dad already knows or has a strong suspicion. He's probably just waiting for you to confirm what he already knows. The sooner he hears it from you, the sooner you can build your relationship on truth without worrying about a slip of the tongue. It also relieves your mom as the caretaker of your family secret. If you're spending so much time agonizing over it, you may as well get it over with. Try to find one of those days or moments where you're bursting with confidence and happy about who you are. Then tell him the good news.

Lorenz

 

Thanks. It means a lot to me. Now if only my sister would finally call. :bang:
The suspense is killing me.