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im so confused and worried abt future !

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by vibz, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. vibz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2012
    Messages:
    3
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    Location:
    India
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    where should i start from , there lot of things pushing me to the edge and i just can't understand it feels like i will go mad. i think i have anxiety disorder and obessive compulsive disorder. well let me start telling my worries.
    1) i live in India. so u can understand as our society too conservative. i am worried that will get humilated and socially rejected if i told anyone that i am attracted to men
    2) i dont know my sexual orientation. Its like sometimes i like men then i come back to women. its making me go crazy
    3) I am fat. I have a step mother. I dont have understanding relationship with her. I respect her that she raised me as her own. But she says that my dad has beaten her and doesnt respect her. i have a good relationship with my dad. Although there have been signs that what my step mother says might be true. I am so confused by this mess.
    4) i have taken medicine as my career currently im doing my pre meds. my teachers have lot of expectations from me as im intelligent. but im not hardworking. i am stressed out whether i will be able to enter Aiims which is one of the finest medical colleges of india (yes i have that much potential). But all this anxiety is driving me crazy.
    5) i feel scared u know of everything. i cant speak to anyone abt my problems. 4 months back i just fainted while taking bath. my dad took me to neurologist i dont have courage to put my problems in front of psychologist or a therapist. The neurologist gave me valium which he stopped after i told him that valium makes me lazy.
    6) i seriously cant understand wat im gonna do. i am worried no will accept me here. i just feel like going to some different place where i can just at least live for i while.
    7) i know i have to fight. i think im gonna lose if dont get help
     
  2. marino

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Victoria, Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey buddy,
    I went through a similar period a couple years back of questioning my sexuality and feeling very confused. I also suffer from anxiety disorder and OCD as well and am pursuing medicine as a career! It's a tough period to go through but always remember that when you are young you are still searching for yourself and things ALWAYS become clearer in time. Hang in there, hope you're ok :slight_smile:
     
  3. vibz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2012
    Messages:
    3
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    Location:
    India
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    hey thnx marino. You just saved my ass. i dont what phase would i gone through. A huge load is off my chest after writing to somebody that i might be gay. I dont hav a laptop or net connection i wrote to u frm a cyber cafe. in mobile i couldnt log in but i saw ur post the same but i couldnt write to u back. i hav more questions like Does the patients mind if they know u r gay? i am lot fine now. the day wrote to u. Many people noticed that im unusually sad and depressed. ( my friends know that when i dont have sumthing on my mind I talk too much). if i hadnt written to u i would have definitely gone crazy.

    god knows, from where strength came in my and i was able to complete the syllabus for a test that happened today. I will get good marks dont know about my Rank. i really want to talk to u more