i am extremely lost and i do not know what to do!!i am a senior in high school and i am good student;good looking like 7.5/10 and social!most of my friends are girls because my class is full of girls and they like me and i cant be alone all the time they are like sisters to me but this thing make me look girly and i can't do any thing about it!i always wanted to have a good guy friend that i can be a close friend to him but i can't find any one!all the guys are freaks or jerks!!i mean i have many guy friends but no close one to hang out with all the time!! so my problem that all my life i considered my self straight because i love girls and i feel attracted to them in a sexual and mental way even when i see a good looking guy i keep staring at him not because i like him but because i want to be him!!i know i am cute but i want to be more xd!! so my problem started last year when i saw this guy and i totally felt attracted to him !!we go to the same school and i kept seeing him around and every time i see him i feel happy !his blue eyes feel like magic to me!!every time i see him i say i am gonna ignore him this time but i really can't!also i wanted to be a friend of him or even talk to him ones but i couldn't since we do not have any friends in common!!the weird thing is that every time i look deep in his eyes he do not turn his head and he looks back even when i pass by him and i can't look in his eyes i fell his eyes following my steps!he has a girlfriend and they are all the time together i rarely see him alone or with friends!he is always with her and they look happy together even me when i am with a girl i feel attracted to her and she make me forget him for a while but when that moment pass all what it is in my mind is him!!so last year i was afraid that i would not be able to see him again since he was a senior and i wished all the time that he would fail his exams and guess what......he did fail and he is still a senior!!this year nothing changed and since the first time i saw him my heart was back to life !!he is still whit his girlfriend since she is younger than his and she is still in school!!i really can't figure it out!!is he gay or straight!!does he like me!!what to do next!!i am really lost and i am sure he knows i like him and i think maybe even his girlfriend suspect i like him because lat time when i passed by she was serious and when she saw me she smiled !!it is really weird but i only can assure you that i am not imagining any think because i like him!! maybe i have so many girls as friends but i am not a girly boy!i act straight !i love sports and i am extremely well in it !i dress very manly but in a very good way!i take care of my self like any straight guy !it is jut my luck that i can't have close boys as friends but i really want to because i feel weird around girls all the time and they say a lot of shits !!
Try not to beat yourself up over this. First, having mostly girl friends can sometimes be suggestive of sexuality, but it's definetly not a sure thing. What you said about "wanting to be him" is something of a common theme. Without being in your head I don't know if that's how you feel or if that's how you are justifying your feelings to avoid realizing you like guys. You're the only one who can tell. Something that has helped me through questioning (still working on it) is internalizing being gay for a couple of days. Don't really change your behavior or anything, just spend maybe a week in the mindset that you are gay and see how it feels. It may feel better (or worse) than how you felt before. As to him liking you, I may be a bit jaded on that particular aspect but I would say he probably doesn't. I've twice been convinced a guy liked me and found out I was imagining it. Now it is possible he does like you, but especially if he has a girlfriend, it doesn't look promising. I'm not saying don't be hopeful, but don't build yourself up too much to be dissapointed. Good luck, it's not a fun thing to go through but you aren't alone.(*hug*)
