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Outed by my Mum

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Albannaich, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. Albannaich

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    For a couple of months I have promised myself to come out by the end of this year so yesterday I decided to come out to my Mum mainly because I knew I could trust her. So I called her yesterday afternoon and told her I need to talk to her about something.

    I told her everything so it felt good to finally speak about something I have hidden for a while and she took it really well. She said that I am still her son and that she will love me no matter what. I then asked her to promise not to tell anyone else because I would feel more comfortable coming out in my own time and at my own pace which she agreed to. I specifically didn't want my Dad to know because when the subject has come up before he told my little Brother and I that we can date whoever we want but if we turn out to be gay or bisexual we're not allowed to make any contact with boys in front of him!

    So today I got a phone call from my Grandmother of all people. As soon as I answered my mobile she said "Is it true what your Mother and Father have been telling me?". I just hung up on her which I felt quite bad about but I was just so angry at my Mum for breaking this promise after just one day. We had agreed that I would come out in my own time so i don't understand why she couldn't keep it to herself. Now a few more relatives know and I didn't want it to happen this fast which is why I talked to my Mum in private in the first place.

    I really don't know where to go from here now so any advice on what do to would be appreciated.
     
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    Why dont you just go talk to your mom? It was not ok for her to tell everyone without your knowledge, and you should tell her that you are not ok with it. She will continue to do it and not see a problem with it, if it isnt confronted.
     
  3. BradThePug

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    I agree that you need to talk to your mom.. If you don't confront her she most likely won't stop telling people.

    As for the people that she told, well, I guess that there is not much that you can do there. You'll probably just have to tell them the truth. At this point, it's not like you can just go back into the closet easily. I think that a bit of suspicion will always be there.
     
  4. Trixie

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    Oh hon, I'm so sorry. I'm proud of you for feeling the connection to your mom to confide in her. I'm disgusted by her betrayal. My 15 year old son came out to me a few weeks ago. It was hard, I won't lie. But only because I know the discrimination he will face (I am a female in a make dominated employment field). His father sounds like yours. Did I talk to people about the situation? Absolutely. But only those two that I felt would never betray me. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Life is tough enough, but know that there are people who support you and are proud of you!!
     
  5. Albannaich

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    Thanks, i should have added it in my post but I have spoken to my Mum today about how it was a difficult thing for me to tell her and I asked her how she would feel if her own Mum had outed her like that if she had been anything other than straight.
     
  6. Luke Matt

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    I'm just gonna jump in here & say I think it's awesome that there are mothers/fathers of gay children supporting other people in this forum. I'm am closeted (at least, I don't think anyone knows..) & there's nothing harder than seeing my own parents (on a weekly basis) consistently remind me of how vile & destructive the "gay lifestyle" is. I just wish I could tell them the truth; tell them what I'm really feeling, because at the moment I feel totally disconnected from my family. I'm pretty sure their distasteful remarks stem from ignorance/lack of knowledge, & there's so much stuff I wish I could show them just to enlighten them a little.

    The thing is; I don't even come close to the commonly viewed stereotype of gay people, so I don't see what they would have to fear; It's not like I'm flamboyant & paint my nails or anything (not that that's a bad thing!) >_>'
     
  7. Albannaich

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    Exactly, I'm not the stereotypical gay/bi person either and I think that is making it even more difficult to come out to people because it will be quite a shock to them. I suppose I'm lucky in that at least one of my parents is okay with it but my Dad has the same suspicions about it as your parents seem to have.

    My Dad has been told so I guess I'll have to face him at some point although I just feel like hiding from him right now which I can do to an extent. My Mum told me he thinks I'm trying to deliberately antagonise him because He's my step Dad but all I'm doing is showing who I really am. I hope whenever you decide to come out to your parents, it goes better than my attempt.