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I don't know what is real anymore

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Catkin, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. Catkin

    Full Member

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    I am so so fed up of questioning. I'm like a kid with a wobbly tooth though; I can't seem to leave it alone even if it hurts. I've found myself in a bit of a conundrum too; I can't look at this objectively. Is there even any point in trying to work out if I like girls, when I desperately want to be straight? That's not exactly a neutral starting point. I don't even know why I feel so strongly about it; I was talking to someone on the internet recently, and told them I really didn't want to be gay. When they asked me why, I didn't have an answer.

    The last two times I went out with my friends, something happened that made me think that maybe there might be something to the notion of me liking girls. The first time it was just a girl giving me her hand so we could dance (jiving while everyone else is jumping to dance music is fun), but I felt, I don't really know, warm? The second time a group of us ended up jammed in the backseat of the car on the way home and the girl beside me kept putting her hand on my knee while she was talking to me. Normally, I completely shy away from physical contact (my friends think I'm weird for it), but I didn't really mind her hand on my knee. At the time, I was thinking something along the lines of - I really might like girls. In the light of day that just seems so unlikely though. Just a passing notion, just my imagination acting up.

    If you cannot change your orientation, if it's true that you are born gay, then I can't be gay. I only used to have crushes on boys, I didn't even know that there was such a thing as gay for most of my teens. In first year of college for no apparent reason I started to think that I might like girls too and recently I've hardly been attracted to guys. But if being gay is an inborn trait, then surely my earlier crushes were the valid ones. I think that maybe, all the questioning and the wondering has messed up my perception of attraction, and made me think that I like girls, when I'm not really attracted to them.

    I would really like to forget that I ever started thinking about this, it's unsettling, and I'm nowhere near as happy as I used to be. I'm not sure what to do, I'm fed up of feeling stuck in limbo.
     
  2. Fruitylicious

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    I am one of those that believe you are born Gay, I don't believe you can just make yourself Gay, just like a Gay person can't make themselves straight:slight_smile:

    It could be that maybe at some subconscious level you did like girls or that you had thought about it at one point and shoved the idea back and didn't think about it again, until now. There may be several things that may have happened, but whatever the case may be, it is what it is(*hug*)

    Sometimes we don't want to be the thing we are afraid of, take it from me, I was bullied a lot and called all the homophobic names in the book, but always denied that I was Gay. I didn't want to be different, because I seen what different may get you, so I was scared to be anything but straight.

    Your reason for not wanting to be Gay is probably different than mine, but the thing that brings you, me, and some others together is the fact that at one point or the other we didn't want to be different.

    I think you shouldn't rush it, give it time and what happens happens, if you find out your Gay then celebrate(!) If you turn out to be straight, celebrate(!) No matter what happens and no matter how things play out, you always have us to support you(&&&)

    Also you may try to do a little more studying on you and don't shy away from the notion of you being Gay, the first step is to accept that you may be and if you turn out that way, then the next step would be to accept yourself:kiss:

    You can try to go to a local LGBT meeting if they have one around you or you can do some research on your own and consider the possibility of what you may be, it's OK to question and find out more about yourself:icon_bigg

    Remember, you are who you are:kiss:(*hug*)(&&&)
     
  3. Caudex

    Caudex Guest

    I think that your crushes may be the result of self-training, like I used to do. I would go into the wee hours of the night, thinking, "like girls, like girls." I managed to fool myself for a while, but my true colors kept resurfacing if I didn't train for a week or so. Naturally, I've given it up by now. I do feel a little attraction to girls, so I might be a 5 or something.

    I know your feelings about not wanting to be gay. Whenever I imagine my future, it's still with a girl, having biological kids. I personally wouldn't feel right having biological kids in a gay relationship because there are so many needing adoption and you need a surrogate and all that. I guess that's the part that's killed me most. I always imagined having my own kids who looked like me. But I guess that won't happen.
    I still don't want to be gay. But that's why I'm on here. To get myself to accept it. And I hope you do to. (*hug*)

    *Footnote: Of course, we are all biased to go around proclaiming everyone within sight gay, so I might be totally off here.