I'm so lonely.

Hang in there! You're young and have plenty of life ahead of you. You are feeling lonely right now but in time you will meet someone. Is there a GLBT group on campus you could join? Have you considered trying to find someone locally online who is in a similar situation and also looking for a friend? I'm not suggesting a hook up, just someone you could go on a date with.

Don't let you Mom get you down, she'll very likely come around when and if you eventually come out to her. A lot of prejudice stems from ignorance and a lack of knowledge. Pflag resources can likely help her in this regard when and if you eventually tell her.

 

Melbourne is a great place to meet other queer young people - there are heaps of social and support groups around, which don't necessarily revolve around the club scene (which I know can be really hard to get into - I still don't really want to get involved in it). I worked for a big queer youth organisation in Melbourne for four years, and if you feel like PMing me, I could give you some numbers to call or groups to check out

 

First things first: (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
The thing is that you won't get those years back, so the best way to be less lonely is to look forward! Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't have friends. But I wouldn't try to actively find someone, because if you do, it will be forced. I would wait until you find someone. You're only 19! If you want to go on a forced date, that's great, but it won't help with the lonely feeling.
One thing I can say is that we can both feel this sharing of loneliness (after all, I have a similar situation), and, in sharing in it, not be so lonely!

 

Hugs shall not be in short supply. (*hug*)

Maddy already said it, but just to echo her, I'd suggest getting into some kind of non-clubbing group - it can be a great way to meet other people and feel more comfortable and "part of" a circle.

As far as feeling like you've wasted time or are violating people's expectations, try not to hammer yourself too hard with these ideas. Sometimes when we internalize the idea of "people are just supposed to have a significant other by the time they're eighteen/sixteen/ten/twenty," we make it more urgent than it really is, or than anyone else realistically expects. Sometimes people are out and proud at nineteen, sometimes not. Sometimes people start dating in high school, sometimes people don't have a serious relationship until late twenties, early thirties, or, if they choose not to, they just don't. Ultimately, there is no master story that you're supposed to satisfy - don't be afraid to let life happen at its own pace.

 

melb is mint i came out there nz been way harder 2 tho. im kiwi aye in nz at mo.melb is a great place 2 come out.hope you go to a group soon bo .

 

Aw, I know how you feel...I wish I were there and could give you a real hug, but unfortunately you'll have to settle for this... (*hug*)

But you're still young, don't despair. It does suck that a lot of us seem to have that experience of feeling that we were 'robbed' of normal teenage years, but we can't dwell on that, we need to look to the future...or at least find someone we can commiserate with about it- and maybe fall in love with...

 

Yeah, watching everyone around you all getting into relationships as you just kind of sit and watch sucks. I didn't even care about relationships through most of high school and then uni came and for some reason the drive to experience a relationship started to become more apparent until this whole year which has been occupied with thoughts of it almost non-stop.

Having family that you aren't completely sure how they react would be hard. My parents always said they'd accept if any of their kids were gay, which I suppose was helpful coming out knowing that (though I kind of had a screw them anyway if they didn't accept it and am relatively close to them, twas odd). Now my sexuality is just pretty much ignored, which I suppose the only difference from before was the occasional pestering about getting a girlfriend.
Expectations suck no matter what its for if you can't meet them. For feeling like you wasted your teenage years, I think most people feel like this. The whole point of them are to find yourself so looking at where you are getting to I wouldn't look at them as a complete waste. I doubt anyone in the world has looked back over there life and been able to say they were completely themselves all the time and didn't keep themselves from doing things they really wanted to based on fear. A lot of people never really allow them to be themselves.

sorry for not being any help, just a little bit of rambling.

 

*hug*

do you want more? *hug*

As far as loneliness goes, it could be a mixture of going to college and you don't know people, or a mixture of being relationship-less.

How about just meet some people/ join student organization in your uni to make some friends, even lGBT friends, have a diverse group of friends to get comfortable yourself to new ideas?

 

Hmmmmmmmmm.....yes I get how your feeling.

My dad I don't think is a true homophobe but he enjoys making jokes about "faggots and fairy boys who like botty sex". But then, he does have a very wicked sense of humor in general. He's never said anything truely hateful about gay people.

I've never heard my mum say anything regarding gay people or sexuality in general but I remember when I was much younger, she was watching one of her favourite dramas. There was a gay character and in one scene, he and his boyfriend kissed. She wen't "Ewwwwww!" and covered her eyes with her hand. I thought it was pretty childish/pathetic of her concidering how shes usually so pragmatic/understanding of things.

Thing is..I bet if I came out to my parents, they'd be completely accepting.

Then there's the student life that you mention. I spent 3 years living with 5 other straight guys. I remember when they all invited their girlfriends round for the fresher's week ball thingy. We were all sat in the kitchen and for the first time in my life it actually dawned on me that I was the only person there without a significant other.

Same, but I don't get upset about it though, just frustrated. Being in the closet leaves you with very few options.

That sounds like the line Sigourney Weaver says in Prayers for Bobby! I'm really sorry your parents are acting this way. But I think your parents are like mine and are (like you said) just ignorant but really would love you regardless of your sexuality. Please don't let what they say get you down!

Sorry for rambling lol :icon_redf

 

Luke! Let me just tell you. I went through it also. And it's growing pains man, it really is. You're such an attractive guy, I wouldn't just say that. lol. If I were lying, I'd just say you were kind haha ANYWAYS... The goal we all have in our lives is to conquer ourselves, I love the quote about that. That's the one goal you have. By definition, that would be to feel completely content with yourself. That would mean that having your boyfriend or your hugs would be icing on the cake. It's a long journey there, and i'm not there either. I just wanted to share that thought with you. When it comes to your parents, everyone's situation is different. In mine, my mom and brother have said terrible things about gay people. Well, my mom not so much but whatever she did say it was always spiritually based, which in essence, kinda hurt more to think that God wouldn't love me the same. I told her I was gay and she adjusted all of that for her son. And you might not find that same support, but you have to promise yourself that you'll come out when the time is right. That time is when it's affecting your health. That's what really made me tell her, I was becoming extremely unhappy and depressed and the weight on my shoulders? Man.. crazy. Anyways, saying all this to say, focus on you right now and everything else will fall. Tell your friends you're gay. College is the perfect time because you can make other friends. I'm sure there's an LGBT Group on campus. What you'll find from your straight friends is that most people our ages already have gay friends and they would protect you like the secret service if anyone tried to hurt you P.S. It also gets you out there!! Your girl friends will help you meet other guys and confidence is key my man. With those looks and confidence, there's no way you won't find what you want.

 

Oh man, I remember years back when my mum was talking to a neighbour and the neighbour mentioned that her son was gay. My Mum said something like "I'm sorry to hear that" as if he'd died or something.

That might have been 6-7 years ago but it stuck with me all this time. I couldn't help thinking how dissappointed my Mum would be if I told her. It's the same with friends. I'm sometimes sat there while a friend makes a homophobic joke or comment and it feels horrible knowing that they're talking about me without even knowing.

The loneliness for me comes from people not knowing, not literally being alone. I spend a lot of time with friends but somehow it doesn't feel genuine. I feel like people don't really know me.

Chin up though, it was only a month ago I first told someone I'm gay and I feel so much better for it. I'm planning to tell more people soon which is terrifying but also exciting, like I'm scared but I can't wait at the same time.

My advice is to tell someone you can trust to be cool with it. It will make you feel a lot less lonely, it did for me anyway.

 

Even for you, those people COULD mean what they say, or they could actually not realize there's anyone around to offend. It's like word vomit lately, people say the things that are not necessarily inspired by the heart, it could just be situational. Hell, I still face that with my mom on occasion. They will learn how to be receptive to you if they appreciate your friendship. It's only the best friendship in the world

 

Me too
I'm slowly turning in to one of those weirdos that stare at pictures of gay couples on the Internet

 

Yeah, I don't think they're truly homophobic, especially not my Mum. I think her attitude has changed a lot over the years and I don't think she'd mind now if I told her. She doesn't ever really talk about it so for the longest time the last thing I'd heard her say about being gay was that story I just told. Then out of the blue a few months ago (I can't remember what prompted it) she said she wouldn't mind if me or my brother were gay. She didn't say it in a significant way like she suspects anything, just a general comment. It was pretty big for me to hear that though, considering how I thought she felt about it and then realising that she actually wouldn't care at all. It made me a lot happier about things.

As for friends, yeah I don't think they're truly homophobic, I don't think they'd say it if they knew. It just feels horrible to have to hear it from people you're good mates with and you just have to sit there and not say anything, I hate it.

Oh well, I guess the answer is to tell everyone.

 

I kissed a boy and I liked it! Hope am girlfriend don't mind it:O

 

Matt take your time what ever you do. Don't look for love it will find you.

You can be in love but if he isn't then it is no good. Go to the gymn and see if some one cruizes you. It often happens but let them approach you. It can be awkward if you go to some one because they glanced at you once.

If they seem to stare at you then you might be surprised that he too is gay. I have met most of my friends out of gym activities.

But we are still friends and I believe a good friend lasts longer than a relationship.

But if you are so lucky to land a relationship, then after a long while of dating you can see who you he really is and what you are dealing with, then go for it.

I am also lonely and out of a very bad relationship that I got into when I was just turnng 20. I left at age 35. The pain was horrible. All those years I had been in a relationship questioning why I was because he was no good to me. I found out I was afraid to be alone. He was the first and only lengthly live in that I had ever experienced. He was an alcoholic. So be careful not to fall into a trap. I never knew the truth from him because I would always catch him accidently in a lie. That was too painful.

Any way I have been alone for 20 years now and I don't mind it. I love my own company and I don't have to sit and worry is he cheating on me or worried that I will get into trouble if I am late for dinner. My life was hell in a relationship and I was too unwilling to see the truth.

Don't let that happen to you.

Enjoy your life and find people to chum with. If they do drugs leave them, because drugs are no relief for any kind of pain in some ones life. If they do drugs you know they are suffering in a way that can't be helped and there would be no way that I would even consider such a person.

I told my parents as they were the same as your parents. But I thought it would be good to let them know that I was gay so they would dig the crap out of their own back yard before they dug in others. I was so sick of hearing them talk negatively about other gays. He's a fruit, he is a queer etc. etc. etc. So when they found out I was gay from me, they stopped almost instantly talking about others in that very hurtful way I would hear them and feel that they were talking about me too.

So they didn't accept it at first and my mother still thinks I should find a good woman to straighten me out. But I keep telling her you can't change a cow into a horse. If they were born a cow.

So since I have basically lost the ties with my disfunctional parents. I feel so relieved.
Mother up until a few weeks ago, was still trying to desperately controll my life.

But if I had to choose my parents as friends I just wouldn't. Pick people that make you happy Matt. Disown the ones who make you sad.

I hope I pointed out a few warning signs for you to consider when you find some one. And being alone isn't so bad if you have a buddy to snuggle with occasionally.

Loads of Love

and Hugs to you too

Ron