Hi! I just wanted to talk to someone (other than my cousin lol) to get a bit off my chest.. plus it feels better to talk about it, and I might actually make sense writing it down! I have known that I was "different" ever since abouts 8th grade. I would look at boys and girls and just daydream. I never acted on any of my wants until a few months ago and it was ..hilariously a disaster (but that is a diff story). I came out to my cousin when she came out to me! Talk about wonderful timing, my cousin is my closest friend and I trust her with everything. She is also bisexual. (BTW, sorry I'm not very good at talking about this juuussst yet.. sorry if the story is all over the place.) ANYWAY, when I went to college I got a job and that is where I met the bulk of my friends. It was an amazing time, while working there.. there was this other guy that worked in the back. I never really talked to this guy at first.. he was your typical "jock" kind of guy. It actually turns out we became really good friends. I drove a sports car that he was envious of and he didn't know who drove it. I told him and he made fun of my saying he hated me, then he said I looked like a certain celebrity and I laughed. I am a rough-houser so I pushed him (out of his shoes) and into a pile of broken down boxes. The boss ran out to see what was going on.. we found it hilarious and that is where the friendship began. I always found us as an "odd-couple" when it came to friends. I was never friends with any of the "jocks" ..but people found me "good-looking" (yeah right) and "popular." But I was still a short and scrawny guy. So, to me, it looked odd but I didn't care. He is 3 years younger than me. He was always wanting me to go out to drinking parties and stuff, we were inseperable for a while. (Yes I thought he was amazingly good looking.. dashing.. wonderful and all that jazz but I never ever wanted to act on it... well I did, but I just didn't think it was a good idea to tell him anything.) I looked at him as the totally straight guy I wished I could be. He may have been younger than me, but he felt my age or a bit older. BUT.. I always felt like he "knew" about me. I don't know.. I just.. ah, I don't know it just felt like he did. He never said anything, never treated me different... actually he did treat me differently. Different than any of his friends.. different than anybody. He wanted to protect me from everything. This is probably why he felt older than me, felt like a brother. I remember even after I left college, whenever I had a problem he would ask if I wanted him to come down here and take care of buisness (even if I could take care of it myself lol). Anyway, back to some college experiences. I remember one.. really weird night. All of us got together at a friends house before we went out to the bars. Half of us would go and half would stay (due to age). He had to stay, I think he was 20 at that time? I remember going and getting just... plastered. When we came back he was tipsy. This was the first time he saw me drunk, and he got ecstatic! He made me come sit on his lap, and he held me there for a while (I wasn't even thinking anything sexual.. I was too busy laughing my ass off). He eventually stood up and was carrying me around the room like a baby. He tripped over something and I went rolling on the floor.. this (of course) caused me to get sick. He took me to the bathroom and I remember just belching for about 30 mins. I have some INSANE belching capabilities lol, this astounded him. Eventually the party moved into the bathroom. All I can remember is a guy coming in dressed in lingerie. ^^^^ That was just one instance.. I remember another when we were playing beer pong and he was opposite me, and in order for him to try to mess me up he would flash me his testicles >.> yet again I was too drunk to enjoy lol . But we had the grandest times together! Always getting into trouble at work.. he eventually got bumped up to manager, and eventually I moved back home to continue studies/work. I remember I changed my number and forgot to tell them all, he eventually added me on Fbook and ..did I get a bitching. He had been trying to call me A LOT.. so much infact that a lady had my old number, and she ended up cussing him out lol. He always wanted me to drive back up to visit and such.. most of the time I couldn't due to being poor. Eventually we just started talking on Fbook, he really wanted me to go to Oklahoma with him to go gambling and drinking ..just the two of us. I eventually went back up for a Halloween pub crawl. It was funny.. every time that I went up there he couldn't make it, but this time he did.. my cousin was with me (by this time she knew). After the crawl, my friend let us use her place.. we brought some random guy home with us and my friend came back with us. He did NOT like sharing us, he wanted the other guy GONE. When that guy was finally gone (they about got into a fight), we had a lot of fun. We wrestled and "giggled" all night.. when we went to sleep he fell asleep on the couch and I fell asleep on the floor. My shirt was riding up so part of my back was bare, his hand fell onto that patch of skin and lingered. I knew he was awake, but I didn't say a word and eventually he took it back. In the morning, we sat on the couch and my cousin (who is a bit of an attention bleep came and sat with us). My friend put his head in my lap and stayed there.. I eventually put a pillow under his head (c'mon ..it was MORNING lolol). He kept his head in my lap for the rest of the morning (he had to go back to work). He would be playful with my cousin (she is friggin gorgeous), but he always kept me close. When he left.. (this would actually be the last time we would hang out) he looked at me longingly and my cousin said "oh just go and hug him" (wow starting to cry writing this.. not like me lol). And he did.. I playfully grabbed his butt ..two big handfulls, he made a little shriek (we did this a lot through the years) and he left. (actually we took him home... his car was towed LoL) but that was the end of the "embrace." That was about ..2 1/2 or 3 years ago? This story covered a span of about 7 years. He told me once about 3 years ago, that I was the best friend he had (I was going through women troubles). That out of all his friends (including the ones he grew up with) I was the closest, and he asked me to move to St. Louis with him.. I declined (stupid). Anyway, he eventually stopped getting in contact with us (us as in all of our group of friends not just me). That was not like him, ends up .. he got a girl pregnant, she just had him about 2 months ago? It came as a shock to us all considering he said he didn't want to settle down at all, not for a long time! He is gorgeous like his daddy (she posts pics and links him in it although he doesn't use fboot). I tried (and other have tried) getting ahold of him, but he just doesn't respond. I do wish him the best, but I miss him like crazy. I find myself with NO friends here, a weird ex-gf, a best friend cousin who is moving this Sunday far away, and my family who is in the dark. I ..well I guess I just wanted to talk about it again, and be able to live these memories again with others. Thanks for reading ..sorry if it was all over the place, very emotional for me to write. There is so much more to our friendship, but it is hard to try to write everything lol. I hope this woman treats him right, and I hope they have a great great life together! Miss you buddy! ---------- Post added 10th Oct 2012 at 09:10 PM ---------- Whew some of that was so grammatically crappy, lol sorry!
Thank you for sharing, it was a nice read. Do you feel your friend might have liked you or been "straight but curious?"
I really have no idea. I look at myself (even now) and wonder how we were such close friends. I never really tried to look at it that way, because he was also my first "best friend" and I really didn't want to ruin that. I guess I looked away from that aspect to keep myself contained, but some of those "homoerotic" times reallllllllly does have me wonder. He was always an upfront blunt guy.. so I have a feeling if he was he probably would have told me.. then again maybe not. Guess I'll never know! People did wonder though, including my Mom.. when he wanted me to move with him she said "(My name), you don't think he is gay do you....?" ---------- Post added 10th Oct 2012 at 09:37 PM ---------- Er, oops 2 years younger >.>
