Transgender Self-Questioning - Thoughts and Depression

You sound transgender, but whether or not you are transsexual is a completely different matter. If you feel an overwhelming need to permanently physically alter your secondary sexual characteristics to that of a man, and to take on the social implications associated with being a man in our society, then that would put you closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum.

Keep in mind that right now you still have a choice to present as female or male. Once you are on testosterone, however, your voice will change permanently, you will have facial hair, your body fat will change and you will put on muscle. With top surgery and the combination of hrt you won't have breasts anymore. You will have to change your name, your driver's license, your birth certificate, and passport. You will have to inform your family and friends that you are in fact a man, you are not a woman. It is a long, painful, difficult process. But for people who are transsexual, every bit of pain is completely outweighed by the amazing relief of finally living their life the way that it was meant to be lived. Maybe try meeting up with a therapist who has experience dealing with gender identity issues and working out these questions with them.

There are plenty of people who aren't super depressed before starting transition. I was definitely depressed, and frequently suicidal, but for a long time I didn't understand what these feelings were. It was a very frightening realization for me when I started to consider what I may lose in pursuing my transition. As time has passed, though, I've gained so much more. If you are happy crossdressing and don't feel the need for a full transition, then don't feel like you are half-assing it, cuz all it means is that you are transgender but still identify as a woman (albeit one who enjoys wearing mens clothes).

 

I actually think I know exactly how you feel. While I have been pretty depressed over my gender the last couple years, I certainly wouldn't say I was at your age. I knew the gender dysphoria was there, but it would come and go and I could manage. Then something clicked to the point where I had to do something about it. So I got a therapist.

That is my advice to you, to get a therapist. And please don't go in there trying to convince them you know everything and you just want hormones. I went in there being honest, with a genuine attempt to determine if this was the right decision for me or not. Even after one meeting, being told that my feelings were real made me feel so much more sure.

No one can tell you what your gender identity is, but it seems very plausible that you could be transgender from what you described in your post. That's why I think its so important that you get some help. You are 18, and if you do decide to transition then its better to do it now then 10 years from now. You have so much potential, but just make sure you don't rush into anything unless you are 100% sure its what you want. (*hug*)

 

Ahhh :icon_redf

Yes I understand that. Well, at the inverse of course, since I'm a born male. When I crossdressed years ago, I looked like a boy wearing a dress. Now that I'm taking the time to do it as I always wanted, I'm started to look more feminine (at least, more than before).

Just the other day, before sleeping I changed into my night gown, and stopped suddenly when passed in front of the mirror. Except for my face, I looked feminine!!:icon_bigg Not just a crazy boy wearing a nightgown, but actually more "woman" than previous days. I felt soooooo good with myself, like "Now, this is a hint of what I may become in the future with enough effort, I'll keep it up !!!!!".

What I'm trying to say is, I agree it would be a good Idea for you to see a therapist, but if you felt good seeing yourself as a boy, then you're defenitely should keep on. Just remember, there are several kinds of transgender, you may not be aiming to be transexual, but that doesn't mean you're not transgender.

Anyway, I'll cheer up for you, hope you find your answer (wheter you'll be a transexual, or not), just keep it up!!!!!(*hug*)

 

I also have similar feelings. When I look in the mirror, I see a mask of a boy but I can see the girl in my eyes. When I dress up and look in the mirror I feel so much better! I'm not depressed about it but I do get strong feelings that make me want to talk about it. (hard to do bc I don't have many friends that know about me).

 

I think it is a good thing actually. You have been able to be honest with yourself, accepting who you are naturally and simply, so maybe that is why you have no depression problems.

As for me, I went through a whole denial period, lying to myself, chain my true self in, until one point it all came down crashing, with regret, with self-destructive anger, and depression. Took me a while to dig myself out.

So, embrace who you are and live on. =p