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are your fantasies a good indicator?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tapsilog2012, Oct 11, 2012.

  1. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    I only fantasize about women to "get off" and most of my sexual dreams have been about women. But I have never done anything with a woman besides make out (although I would have taken that further if she had wanted to:icon_wink). I have had many sexual relationships with men, most of them short term, and most of them felt like I was always trying to prove something. However, I can "tolerate" sex with men. The only way to orgasm is to think about women, but there are aspects of sex with men I can enjoy (the feelings of the closeness of the bodies, the warmth, etc).

    I came out to my "boyfriend" 3 months ago to explain why I never want sex with him.

    He is going to make his relationship status official as single today on Facebook. I don't have a Facebook account (for other reasons) but we have the same social circle and I am semi-close to his family. People will ask, and in a way this will be my (indirect) coming out.

    Im still not 100% sure. There is that little voice in my head telling me that since there are aspects of sex with men I CAN enjoy, I should try to make the relationship work out.

    We have a great "best friends" relationship and I really do love him, he understands me better than anyone, but I cant have sex with him, which isn't fair to him and doesnt fit his definition of a "couple".

    Any advice?
     
  2. Cassandra

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Well, I do believe that the sexual act is not part of love, per se. While you may enjoy some parts of sex with males, it doesn't mean you're attracted to them.

    And while you have fantasies with women, it also doesn't mean you're attracted to them.

    WHat you should watch is with whom you feel comfortable. Take your time to examine yourself. Have you ever felt something for any of those men? Have you ever felt something for a real woman you know?

    You don't have to answer right away. Just take your time to know yourself.

    I, personally, consider myself bisexual. I enjoy anal sex, and have many fantasies about having it with men; but that didn't take me to the conclusion I'm bi; I reached that conclusion, because there's been some guys I really liked, even some I did consider to date; but at the end, I'm more leaned towards women.

    Likewise, you should take your time, take it one step at a time, and the confusion will go away by itself.

    Hope this helps you!!!
     
  3. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Yes I have had feelings for men. I have been in love with men. But sexually, I only think about women.

    I had one VERY STRONG crush on a female friend many years ago, that lasted much longer than any of my unrequited male crushes, though. I still think about her. I would find any excuse to get her to make out with me, would sleep in her bed, etc etc. All of the men I slept with during the time I knew her, I would imagine her while we were "doing it". I do believe had she been "not straight" she definitely would have been my girlfriend.

    I do a male dominated sport/activity and most of my social circle is men and boys so its not like I spend much time around women at all anymore.

    In terms of feeling comfortable, I am very comfortable around straight men and boys, I am very competitive and tomboyish so it just feels natural.
     
    #3 tapsilog2012, Oct 11, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2012
  4. Cassandra

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Mexico (Mexicali City)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Well, I don't have bisexual or lesbian girl friends, so I guess I lack the correct view of the matter; so I guess I can't really give more advise; sorry:icon_redf

    But I do can say this: by what you've said, it seems to me that you may be bisexual. I know you may still have some issues to resolve first (we all have), but at the end of the day, any confusion turns useles when you find your special someone.

    I sincerely hope you find a person you can love with your heart(*hug*), wheter be man or woman. :thumbsup:

    Again, I'm sorry if I can't be of more help, I wish I would.

    Greetings(*hug*)!!
     
  5. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Ok thanks Cassandra.

    Any more replies or interpretations? I want to let him change his facebook status but I am scared of making my coming out so public unless I am 100% sure, and I feel like I cant be sure until I have a full relationship with a woman (like, a real girlfriend).
     
  6. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    It is possible for your romantic orientation to not line up perfectly with your sexual orientation, like in my case. You definitely sound biromantic since you described being romantically attracted to men and women. However, it doesn't sound like you have any sexual interest in men. Finding something tolerable or even rarely pleasurable is not the same thing as liking it in general. Also, for some people there is a divide between sensual (cuddling, touching, maybe kissing, etc) and sexual attraction.
     
  7. tapsilog2012

    tapsilog2012 Guest

    Thanks Tetraquark.

    I am healing a knee injury right now and dont have much else to do other than rehab my knee and recheck Empty Closets.

    Does the fact that I am hoping that you guys just say YOU ARE DEFINITELY GAY JUST ACCEPT IT mean anything?