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So lost...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Olivier, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. Olivier

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    Nothing seems clear to me, I just want to be myself and not live in fear anymore. I hate it, I hate it so much, I know I'm gay, but why do those words have to be so hard to say to the people I love? I just want to be free and I don't wanna be ashamed *inner gaga coming out of me* :/ I don't relate to anyone at school, I honestly can't even find the courage to tell a friend I'm gay:/

    *casually fantisising about the future*
     
  2. Amicus

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    The words are hard to say because even if you've known this about yourself for a long time, saying them aloud to someone else makes it real in a way it never was before. Right now you can continue to hedge your bets, but once those words are out of your mouth, there's no going back (at least with that person). So feeling fear to the extent that you do is perfectly natural!

    Don't put pressure on yourself to tell other people if you're not ready. But if you think you are ready and are just having nerves about actually getting the words out, push back against your fear: what's the worst thing that could possibly happen if you told them? In the case of your family, it could be that they kick you out and disown you. A friend could sever their relationship with you. These are possibilities.

    But also think of the other things that could happen: they could completely embrace you, even find themselves so much closer to you because of your courage and vulnerability. You could live in the freedom you've been longing for. These are possibilities too!

    Your task, then, is to decide which of these reactions is more likely (or whether it would be something in between, and, if so, whether that "between reaction" is acceptable to you). If you have no good reason to doubt the good will of those you would tell and you are ready to do so, then bite the bullet and let it out. Of course, you don't have to tell everyone at once either. Start with those that would almost certainly embrace you, and go from there.

    And if you want to wait, then wait. There's no right way to do this, and certainly no fixed timetable!
     
  3. Olivier

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    I feel as though my family wouldn't really care, especially my mum because she's really laid back. I just need to really push myself and stop living in fear, I need to say those words aloud. I need to do this!! Thankyou sooooo much for your help! Olivier :slight_smile:
     
  4. LiquidSwords

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    From the day I finally accepted I was gay (at 20 years old :bang:slight_smile:, it took me about a year to finally find the courage to tell someone. Yes it was fucking scary (it helped that I was drunk) but it feels like the biggest moment of my life so far and I don't regret it one bit.

    Knowing for so long and not being able to talk to anybody is horrible. Being able to talk to a friend about everything I've felt for years felt like such a relief and I'm much happier for it. It even feels like we're better mates now than before.

    Next mission is to tell my Dad. I'm shitting myself but I know for a fact I'll be happier for it, just got to stop being such a pussy and do it.

    My advice is don't force it, don't tell anyone if you're not ready to. But if you want to tell someone and it's just fear that's holding you back then don't let it! Think of a good friend or family member who you know for a fact will be cool with it and just go for it. You'll feel better for it I'm sure.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Olivier

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    THANKYOU so much xxx
     
  6. Closet88

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    Out to everyone
    Can you imagine in the future if we lived in a world where it was just a simple question of liking girls or boys and it not being a big deal whichever you preferred? If only it was that easy... I feel your pain. I'm sure you'll get there one day though. There's lots of really helpful people on this site though who've been through the whole coming out process. Hopefully you'll be able to advise others on how you came out to your friends/family in the future :slight_smile:.
     
  7. channel48

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    Hey you are not alone. I think everyone on this site has felt the same way you do, that's why we're here. I still feel that way sometimes. At least you know who you are some people are still figuring that out. Those words are sometimes the hardiest to say, but they get easier to say. I've said them twice and it's already feels a little easier. If the ones you love are homophobic I can see where your fear steams from. You'll know when you're ready for them to know. If not then they will probably accept you. I know it's still scary. My mom and stepdad are huge gay rights supporters and I almost passed out when I told them. It's not about finding the courage it's about doing it when it feel right, when your ready. You'll know. It took my a year to tell my best friend. Don't be afraid. Be you. Be Olivier! (*hug*)
     
  8. gaYMich6el

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    Some people dont like the word gay

    I just say "I dont like girls" it gets the message across
     
  9. greg56

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    A few people
    LOL.... gaMich6el