So, after 33 years of struggling, I came to a point where I made complete peace with who and what I am. I met an amazing guy in January this year and we've been going steady for 9 months now. Which helped me get to the point where I wanted to tell my parents. After telling a couple of friends and receiving their unconditional love and support, I finally managed to get the courage together to tell my mom last week. I prepared myself for a few different responses - from the worst being to be chased away and not being allowed back in their house, to the best being accepted as I am - as I am still their son and who I love doesnt change who I am. But then I got NO reaction or response at all. My mom just sat there and when I asked if she is going to say something, she said: No, I have to think now. A week has passed and still no contact from their side. And its killing me not knowing where I stand with them? Do they hate me? Or are they just processing? My question is, do I make contact? Or should I be patiently waiting giving them all the time and space they need? Any advice would be appreciated! xx
I think I would wait because rushing their thought process increases the chances of you getting some anger that they are dealing with etc, which isnt what they neccessarily want. If you want to make some kind of contact then I suggest it is by email or letter (whichever you feel most appropriate). You could print some information off the PFLAG website which might help them if they are struggling a little and enclose it with the letter. Just make it brief, say you dont want to intrude on their space to think, but you are here for any questions that they might have and you have enclose the information which you think might be helpful for them, something along those line. If you do it by email/letter, they can read it in their own time, and digest it before deciding on a possible response. If you phone them or go around it forces them into the situation where they have to talk about it.
Thanks Silverhalo I was concidering sending them an email, so I am soooo with you. Will let you know how it goes down Take care xx
IF you aren't familiar with the stages of loss already (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance), that's something everyone goes through when processing loss (in this case, loss of perception that you're straight, and all that comes with that.) So likely your parents are somewhere in the early stages of that. My guess is they numbed (an automatic response for some people) to avoid the emotions they were initially hit with. An email saying something to the effect of "I realize this may have been a complete shock, and it's OK if you need time to think and process, but it's important to me to understand what's going on for you, so please respond when you feel it appropriate to do so" might be appropriate. My guess is it won't be more than a couple weeks before they are better able to deal with their feelings. Remember that it took you a really long time, so they will likely need a bit of time as well.
