Hi all, my son came out to me about 3 weeks ago. He knows he has my full support. My question is this: he has to decided to come out to a few friends at school. And then a few more, and probably a few more. Eventually, his brother and sis (both 11th grade, he's 10th) are going to catch wind of it. The school isn't that big. I feel he should talk to them before they find out from the rumor mill at school. I believe sis will be fine. Brother will take a little longer to process and accept. I fear one if them will hear the 'rumor' and jump to their brother's defense. I think he should tell them himself. Thoughts?? As always, thanks
Def the best thing for him to tell them directly. Honestly, I'm surprised they haven't already heard, as the rumor mill in middle/high school is generally faster than light speed. He is probably uncomfortable doing so but you should remind him of how he would feel if roles were reversed and he heard secondhand.
He has to tell them first. Or you can if he's more comfortable with that. The initial thing is for them to come to his defense, the second would be to wonder, the third feeling would be sadness or betrayal to know that their little bro didn't feel comfortable enough to tell them first. Regardless of how his older bro will feel, and I think it'll be supportive.. it doesn't change the fact that he is and that he has the innate obligation to be his protector, in all things I think he'll be fine. I wasn't even thinking about coming out in high school because I hadn't identified with myself in that way yet. So, kudos to him for coming out to you but he definitely should tell his siblings before he goes further. Not for approval, just to let them know he's doing it.
Yeah, you need to get him to come out to them first. Coming out is a snowball process. Once you come out to one person, you start coming out to more and more until nearly everyone knows. Hell, some people accidentally out you because they don't know who all you've come out to. So yeah, follow your instincts on this one.
great to see you support him what a great mum .i would go with what ever he feels comfortable with.talk to him how he would like them to find out.
I agree, he should tell them first. I'd sit down and talk to him about it; discussing any concerns that he may have. Ask him if he wants to do it as a family, with you sitting next to him for support. That way it sends a strong message to your other children where you stand on the matter - that you're fully in support of him and love him just the same. After things are all said and done, and hopefully goes well; I'd look for opportunities over the next couple of days to speak to the other children alone one on one. Get a reading on how they're feeling and help them through any difficulties and concerns that they have. (I.E. "What will people say about me when they find out my brother is gay?" "What should I do if someone is making fun of my brother for being gay?")
Your son or yourself or both of you should sit down and tell ur other two kids that he is gay. Definitely shouldn't hear it from someone else, they deserve to be the first to know. Then after that he should tell school friends etc. also don't worry about school and bullies and stuff, kids surprisingly dont really care if someone is gay
