On Tuesday I told my best friend I was a lesbian. She's been ignoring me since. On Wednesday I asked her if I if I was still going to her house she said no she had stuff to do with another friend. I don't care if she hangs out with out people, but we had plans and she said it fast and sharp too. I said hi to her today and she said hi, but it was emotionless. Before she would say hi all bubbly and start talking about something random. She's gone some days where she doesn't say much to me before, but she was hanging out with her other friends then the next day she hung out with me. She hasn't sat with me in our normal spot since Tuesday she on the other side of the Mulberry (is like a cafeteria outside). It's Friday and she's said nine words to me in four days. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her. She said she was okay with is when I told her. Please help. :icon_sad:
Hey, I can't say that I had this experience with coming out with close friends. But what I can say is that.. They need people to talk to also, and they also need time to adjust or digest what you say. It's not as easy for some people. She wanted to make a point to say she was supportive, but it doesn't sound like she knows what that means right now. I know for my straight buddy, he needed to tell his gf and another friend so he could build the confidence to say something in response. This is tough also because i'm not a female lol. I would say that whenever you tell someone, they might feel like you could've said it earlier, or she could just be downright disappointed. I think the right thing to do is to maybe give it a couple more days or so. Or just kind of pin her and see what it is that's affecting her. It might be something you can assure her of. Some people really just act out when they learn this part of who we are. I hope this works out for you! It really sounds like time is going to tell you what you need to know. Most people will say that, you were never friends if she can't accept you, which is true. but that doesn't make it any easier of a pill to swallow when you're being rejected in a time of need. See if you can get her alone to talk somehow, pop up on her..just try to see where she stands maybe. If she needs time, make that an option. At least it will give you some clarity about what's going on exactly. I really hope this works out!
Thank you. I think you're right that she needs time to adjust. I'll talk to her after a few more days. She's also popular. I'm not out at school yet. I'm still working on that one. What scares is that if I do come out at school would she stop talking to me cause she doesn't want to be associated with the school dyke or whatever people want to call me. I'm also scared to tell my other friend because of her reaction. Your advice helped me. Thanks Pat.
You're welcome! You know, you can't even worry about that other stuff. If you're courageous and ready to come out in school, then power to you. If you wait until college, that's cool too. Do what's best for YOU ultimately. Not what's best for your friend. I've lost some and gained some better ones. The important thing for all of us is to build confidence and assurance with who we are, and not let anyone stifle our progress. Keep moving forward. There's some really great girls here, start meeting them. Take your mind off of her for a few. If you can manage to stop talking to her entirely for the next couple days, that would be good. Then just.. shoot her a message or pop up and see where she stands with it all. I think she's worried about what it means for her, she didn't forget about you, she's just trying to figure some things out. So you take the time to do the same thing and then see where you stand in a couple days.
:icon_bigg Thanks again. You have great advice. Lol I'm not even in high school yet. I'm going into high school next year. I might come out then by being part of the Rainbow Youth Alliance Club. It's not hard to not talk to her since she won't even look at me. I don't think I'll be talking to any of the girls here they're probably really cool, but I don't need to meet someone I have a crush already . I'm going to my other friends house next Wednesday. I think I'll tell her then I don't think she be as accepting as my other friends was. She's Catholic. Friend #2 is okay with gay people. she's not a big supporter, but she doesn't hate them. You're a good person (*hug*)
Lol. I'm glad I can help ya. I'd say if you're still in middle school. That's kind of the add/drop period of life. lol You'll find that you guys could have had that separation anyways because high school kind of sparks the whole individuality phase. A lot of friendships break off with that transition. I think her attitude is pretty normal then considering how young you guys are.
:icon_sad:I know high school does that. Friend #1 hangs out with her theater group. Friend #2 is starting to hang out with more Latinos at our school. My crush who's also my friend might be moving. And I don't have a group I don't fit in I'm like one of the only white girls at my school. The other ones are popular and athletic. Not me at all. I have no group except for the friends I have now and I can see them leaving. leaving me. I have no group. Other than LGBTQ which my middle school doesn't have. :icon_sad:
lol.. yeah I hear ya. Have you ever thought about starting your OWN group? lol. Start thinking about being the leader in everything you do. You can start your own club in high school and begin working, a lot goes on. You'll be fine.
I'm too shy for that. I'm not a leader. To lead people you need to be able to lead yourself which I'm not doing a very good job of. I think I may have to get off soon cause my sister might need the computer and she doesn't know. I'll be back on later tonight I think. I don't have to get off now just soonish.
ahh ok. Well, i'll be around. you can message that wall thingy if you need to. it's important to start young on your confidence. People can really really tell when it's lacking. Even when you don't feel upbeat, you have to fake it till you make it lol.
okay good cause I gotta go. lol that's how my homework gets done ---------- Post added 12th Oct 2012 at 10:06 PM ---------- I found a way. I'm gonna use my phone and pretend I'm texting which I kinda am. My confidence doesn't exsist. I don't have spell check anymore so sorry if stuff is misspelled.
oh okay lol. find other people to chat with here too, you know girls who have been where you are. it'll help you build the confidence.
I'm gonna try I'm gonna make a new post asking for advice on how to come out at school and another about other lesbians' experience at my age. You were just the first person to reply to my first post I just joined not tonight.
Hey i have never posted on any blogs or forums before but i just kind of stumbled upon this and thought i'd check it out... Im a lesbian and i came out in h.s so if you have any questions i'd be happy to offer support
Ok cool. And yes, ask them about the school thing. I was never that brave lol. I guess the thing that worried me is that I wasn't all the way confident or content with it. If your confidence isn't there, it might end up making things worse for you. People only screw with you in this world when you're unsure of something you're saying. So if you do it, you have to be on point and have some thick skin I could imagine. Women are more receptive to gay men from what i've seen than they are to women who are lesbians. Definitely ask around about that!
My sexuality is one of the few things I am confident about. I'm ready. I think it will be hard at first to have a thick skin but if I join that club it will help I think ---------- Post added 12th Oct 2012 at 10:44 PM ---------- Hi Emilyann welcome to EC. Thanks for the suppory
Hello there! Whew i gotta say you're brave for coming out so young. It's really awesome how you're so sure and confident about yourself. Has your best friend ever said anything against LGBTQ people in the past? If she hasn't, there is hope that she just needs time. If she can't accept you for who you are, then she isn't worth it. Would you want to be something fake for the rest of your life just for pleasing other people? I hope coming out to other people for you is gonna go better
Just give her time she might be a little shocked but if she's your true friend she'll like you no matter what i told my best friend recently that i might be lesbian and she was fine with it.if your really curious than sit down with her and talk it over ask her if she is still your friend and tell her your the same on the inside i hope it works out
Thanks for all of the responses. I'm going to give her more time. I was fake for a long time. It got exhausting and I'm tried. (&&&)
