So, I came out in mid-May as pansexual to most of my friends and even my family, who accepted me without any problem. I had to explain to most of them what it meant, but now they understand. However, I think I went too fast because I wasn't 100% sure of my orientation then, but because I found the perfect time to come out, I went ahead. I remember many crushes on girls before I was 15, but I can count them with one hand. From then to present, I've had no other crushes (other than thinking that a girl is gorgeous). And when I crushed it was weird, and it lasted only for a few days or even hours. So I guess it wasn't real attraction to the opposite sex. However, when it comes to guys, things have been more intense. I've crushed way more on them than girls, and I had sexual desires, something that never happened with girls. I've known my attraction to guys since I was 10 or so, but until last year (when I was 16) I used to think I was a monster because "it wasn't right to love guys". I was careful before coming out and thought in those girl crushes, and that made me think I was more bi or pan than gay. I can see my attraction to guys is something deep and my girl crushes something more... exceptional, I guess, unusual. I think that "gay" fits me more than "pan". What do you think?
Judging by what you've wrote I think the word "gay" would definitely fit more. I think your feelings for girls stem from the way we are all brought up to believe that the only relationship that exists should be between man and woman. You're sexually attracted to guys but your brain says you should be attracted to girls as this is what's generally accepted in society, thus causing your confusion. I will definitely agree with you about finding some girls attractive. I can recognise when I see a hot girl, however it will be in more of a "wow, she's really pretty" kind away as opposed to a "wow, I wanna have sex with her" way.
Ehh, I have the crush thing too. For me it's not a sexual thing with pretty girls. It's just curiosity haha. I didn't know they could be soooo cool. When I used to think of girls, or the girls I went to school with at least, they were all so high maintenance. And all googly eyed at me, so maybe I just formed an opinion they were all like that. As far as already coming out, I think in order to do some damage control, you should just continue to live. I don't think it requires a correction or anything. There's this feeling that we all get when we see someone. I see a very beautiful woman walking by and my first reaction is to look back at her, I think girls are pretty as hell when they actually dress themselves up. But it's not a sexual desire, it's more admiring. If you can say that you admire females, then I would consider you gay. All those erotic thoughts you have, you would have to think them about women. you know, those dirty thoughts we get lol. If you don't have those thoughts of sex with women, then you're gay for sure.
On the bright side, having come out as pan leaves you room to figure yourself out in. This time you can patiently figure it out and explore your feelings before coming out again if you need to. At least if they accepted you as pan they'll acceptyou as gay.
Thank you very much for your advice. This time I'll go slower and do it the right way. As rx79g said, if my parents and friends accepted me as pan (something really complex and difficult to explain), they'll have no problem accepting me as gay. In fact, when I came out to my parents, my mum told me: "We had thought you were gay and it wouldn't have ever been a problem for us". So there's no reason to be scared, I guess
