Some time last year I came to the realisation that I was going to be gay forever and would never find love and happiness if I spent my life with a woman. Of course, I'd known this for longer, but last year was when I came to a point where I realised I couldn't pretend forever and would eventually need to tell people. That's taken me a lot longer than I planned, however I am out to one person who's not really a close friend. However, since I came to my realisation last year I have turned into a really anti-social person. In the past I could go out and have fun with friends, pretending that I was attracted to women but secretly lusing after guys. But I can't even do that anymore. The lying has just got too much for me. So for this reason, I have completely secluded myself from the group. On the rare occasion that I do go out, I spend the night in a miserable state, not telling my friends what's wrong with me. But mostly I just stay in, turning down the majority of nights out my friends will ask me to go on. I have kind of convinced myself that I enjoy sitting alone at home drinking, however this really isn't the way to continue with my life. I am stuck in a rut, working a 9-5 job during the week and spending the weekend drinking alone. But, I can't face spending any time with people because I don't want to lie to them. Has anyone else in the closet faced similar problems, or am I alone on this one (pun intended)?
i know how you feel bo .i avoid alot of friends just because every social situation seems fake which it is largely when you cant be honest with people.the only way out for me i think is make more progess coming out.one girl i told has become a way more close friend now she knows.i used to avoid her cose she was hot and wanted me.and my mates kept on giving me shit for not going with her.now i enjoy her company far more than i did.
Hey dude, I felt obliged to reply as a fellow Brit and yes I recognise your behaviour because I did it myself for the last 12 months. The nights out with my straight circle of friends were becoming boring and pointless. I had little interest in chasing girls because I had already self-accepted that I was gay and wanted to hang out with gay guys. It felt easier just to stay at home rather than go out and lie to your mates/pretend to be someone that you are not. There is only one way to stop this rot and that is plan to come out. I came out last month and it has changed everything. It has given me licence to meet new people who are exciting and interesting (and happen to be gay) and also be truthful to my straight mates which is refreshing. In my opinion what you are doing (and what I did) is indicative of a person suffering from some form of depression. I believe my conscious decision to isolate myself was connected to depression about being closeted so once you can confront this issue, hopefully you can look forward to a brighter future. Good luck!
Hi Like lwp08reh says, the answer is to start coming out. I did exactly the same thing, only for much longer. I withdrew into my shell, and avoided as much as I could all social contact. I had a few good friends, (now I've come out I realise just how good they are) but even with those guys I would never open up and pretty much forced myself to be miserable. It all came to a head about 4 or 5 months ago when I pretty much broke down and opened up to my friend. I knew if I didn't I was going to do something stupid (I'd already attempted suicide 7 months earlier). A couple of weeks later I came out to him, and despite my worries he was totally supportive. I'm now out to most of my friends , and I'm enjoying a new lease of life. I actually go out and have fun on my days off work instead of moping about - I even smile now and then :lol: I know coming out is a huge step - it took me long enough - but if you've accepted it within yourself, you have already won half the battle. Good luck (*hug*)
Thanks for your comment, that first paragraph describes exactly the way I feel! Hopefully I'll get there eventually, I know I will come out soon, just a matter of when rather than if ---------- Post added 14th Oct 2012 at 10:38 AM ---------- That's good to hear, it gives me some hope. The fact that you even smile now and then gives me hope that I might actually be able to smile without my face cracking in the future haha .
