Iv been going through ups and downs these past few months and i have opend my eyes to alot of things but one of the big downfalls of trying to figure yourself out is to accept yourself. Right now i dont feel comfertable being GAY. Accepting yourself, is it like a switch from one day to the other? I thought that it was going to be like that but it isnt. The other day i was at lunch with my friend who knows and she was talking about something and she said this is totally gay. Then she looks at me and apologizes. At the time i was like whatever but really to tell the truth i wasnt even insulted or anything because even though im out to my friends i dont accept myself and dont consider my self gay. To tell the truth even if i have no physical atraction to woman i still want to date one. And i think im in denial about the whole thing but whatever. So how do you come to a final conclusion about being gay? The truth its that I DONT WANT TO BE GAY! I dont want to be one or feel like that. I feel like being gay its just a world full of hate and sadness.
I know how you feel. I don't think anyone would choose to be gay and willingly take the discrimination and bigotry that some closed-minded people express. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that I am gay. I would simply try to put it out of my head and not think about it. It worked for most of my high school career, but come junior year something changed. I was at "Career Day" at a local university. There were people from surrounding towns as well. After lunch, we all had a bit of free time so we hung out in the mall part of the campus. One of my classmates who is openly gay kind of nudged me onto the path of acceptance. There was a group of girls from another town who were just enamored my him because of his sexuality. They accepted a complete stranger who was gay! Throughout the year, I did a lot of thinking (I spend an hour in the car everyday driving to and from my sports practice so I had lots of time). I would play Lady Gaga, Adele, and other artists I loved and had messages of self-empowerment in their songs. Part of my problem was that I was afraid to even vocalize "I'm gay" so as I listened to music, I would look at myself in the rear view mirror and say, "I'm gay." To be honest, it was soft and meek at first, but it got louder as I came to accept my sexuality. I know this all may sound a little strange, but it seemed to help me. I especially find strength in music. I hope this helps!
I know exactly how you feel, but the sooner you accept who you are, the better off you will be. Denial is such a strong defense mechanism; while it can be helpful in short term, it's a nasty thing that can eat you alive. It's not healthy nor safe for your mental health. I know it's hard, but try telling yourself, ”I'm gay” in the mirror. I laughed every time I said it, but it took a lot for me to accept. Just take things one day at a time;day by day, accept it slowly, but surely.
Yeah, I know telling yourself that your gay in a mirror may sound like the kind of lame thing you would be told in a seventh grade health class (which was probably my least favorite class btw), but it actually helps.
How to accept yourself? Not easy right?! I don't think it is like a switch. You have to work at it over time. I know you say that you don't want to be gay but I suspect you realise that you can't actually change it so unfortunately anything you do to try to stop your feelings amounts to rejecting yourself and it will hurt you. I understand though that what hurts you now is the idea if being gay. You do not always have to feel this way. I know it is possible to work towards acceptance- I am in this process. You have time so much on your side. Maybe sit with your feelings for a little while and make a conscious effort not to be hard on yourself by rejecting who you are. There are so many people out there who are going through similar anguishes. In time, hopefully you may be able to reach out and connect with people in a similar position. Take care Rose
As you very correctly point out, acceptance is not as easy as flipping your "I Am Totally Cool With Homosexuality" switch. As with most things worth doing, acceptance unfortunately takes a while: you're attempting to throw off an idea (i.e., being gay is BAD BAD WRONG WRONG) that has been crammed into your head for your entire life. A few months' effort might not yet be able to match a life's worth of indoctrination, so don't feel bad that you haven't had a Very Special Magical Gay Self-Acceptance Epiphany just yet. So instead of trying to be ok with your sexuality, start by trying to be ok with not being ok with your sexuality, if that makes any sense. The pressure's always on to feel as good about yourself as possible, but the feelings you're experiencing are completely natural: if you admit to yourself you're gay, then you also have to take on the prospects of (1) Social and legal discrimination! (your mileage may vary depending on where you live) (2) Much more difficulty in finding a partner! (3) Having to disclose the feelings in your pants to other people in your life with whom you would not normally feel obliged to talk about sexy matters! And many many more things from your individual situation that could potentially complicate these even further! These are not fun things, so it's totally understandable to not be happy about them. The important thing is to acknowledge that the gay is here to stay for the foreseeable future...that doesn't mean you have to be happy about it! Our brains start to unlearn bad habits when we actively put ourselves in situations where it can gradually start to say to itself, "Huh, that seemed big and scary, but actually it's not so bad." So once you've admitted your homosexuality to yourself, ask yourself as you go about your business whether things are really that different. Instead of being "GAY AND CONDEMNED TO A LIFE OF MISERY," you are "GAY---and doing the laundry," "GAY---and taking a shower," "GAY---and studying for a test," etc. Not to say that all the potentially nasty things listed earlier won't be happening, but remember, we're mainly concentrating on your internal acceptance. Let me ask you this: do you feel like it's "wrong" that you prefer certain kinds of music over others? Do you feel "wrong" because you like the tastes of certain foods better than others? True, true, no one's probably going to deny you marriage rights because you like chocolate ice cream better than vanilla, but even if society won't be as lenient, do you in your own internal life need to feel bad about having a special appreciation for Dude Humans? Be patient and kind to yourself. Try to reconnect with the fact that you're a pretty cool guy!...who happens to like other pretty cool guys
It just happens. Well, that's how it did for me. I cried when I accepted myself, because it was so unexpected. I spent years hating who I am and then BOOM, I felt like I accepted myself
Wow i been reading everything you guys said and i dont know how to feel. I feel completely backd up with people who care but i still dont feel like i am gay. Right now i might say my brain is rejecting being gay every guy on tv repulses me on sight for no reason. And girls are just not exiciting their just there. I feel like iv lost all sense of sexuality. But sry i went off topic. I tried saying "im gay" in front of the miror. Not even a tiny squeel went out of my mouth i stayed there looking at myself for about two minutes without saying anything. And i realised something im afraid to say gay, to my friends i came out using code words and now a days i dont even say gay and when i say it i feel completely wrong. IM AFRAID TO SAY GAY!!!! How could anyone be so dumbfounded to feel bad about one word? I remember at first i coudnt write gay i found it stupid like it wasnt me and i still dont feel any connection to it. Iv been self discovering myself for about 4 moths now and for some people it may not be that long but i feel like iv made no advance.
The first time I tried saying it out loud...no, the first twenty times I tried saying, I'm gay out loud, I couldn't do it. It'll take time. Be patient. Try not to think of all the negative connotations that have developed from that one little word. Originally, it simply meant happy. Maybe think of it that way at first. It's process that takes time. You might find that your sexuality is different than you first thought. It's possible that you're asexual. Have patience!
I understand not being able to say 'I'm gay' out-loud, I used to try and it would be like I were just mouthing the words, no sound. It made me cringe at the thought of me being gay, I used to cry every time the thought crossed my mind, just remember that you're not alone. Give it time, things will all fall into place eventually.
