To those who have come out to their parents- it can be pretty scary. I really want to tell my mom and dad I'm bi because it involves a lot of the issues I am facing currently, and I feel like there's no one I can talk to sometimes... I also just want to let them into my life and be honest. I hate having to hide, I just want to come out of the closet after hiding from them for three years. My parents are accepting of gays and lesbians, but if the topic of bisexuals comes up, they get a little cross. "I don't get it; just pick one!" is their philosophy on the topic, but I think they would be supportive if I told them because they have said they will always love me regardless of who I love. I'm hoping they might see my journal or my internet searches like "How to come out to your family" and things similar to that. So, how did you come out to your parents??? It would be like an amazing gift if I could get an idea of how to do so. Thanks :3 Sorry for the long post lol
hi and welcome to EC. I'm glad you have come to terms of accepting yourself and it is a challenge in telling other people because of their expectations of their loved ones. Parents are typically more difficult to come out to because they are your family and we often view them as strict or conservative especially on lgbt topics. I came out to my parents 3 yrs ago when I called my mom and explained to her why I was depressed and why I do not want a family. That's when she realized that I never dated girls and she asked me if I was gay. oh I got teary eyed and she accepted me day one and the rest of my family, dad and siblings. I had lucked out on friends, they were the conservative ones, my parents are liberal on lgbt. I had to remake friends again because everytime I came out I was kicked out of my former friends houses (mostly guys) if I told them. I think your parents view of bisexuality is that they think its an off and on date with both genders, not the case. Being bi is as natural as having blond hair or jet black hair. You just have an attraction to guys or girls at an X% depending on who you have an attraction to. Looks like they love you. Be honest because it is who you are. Tell them. If you don't its like lying to them anyway. But everyone is different. If your ready to tell them at the right time, go for it. Believe me the burden will go away. You'll do fine
Hey Masonsgirl27, What you've explained sounds like how I felt before I came out to my parents. I would try to tell them, but I would always choke. I ended up writing them a letter. I feel like I express myself better in writing, and a letter gives you the opportunity to get your thought down on paper. You can explain your feelings, you fears, and your desire for your parents love and support. A letter helps because you can just hand it to them and let them read it. You should stay in the room while they're reading it, but you can let the letter do the talking. A letter is also nice because it gives your parents time to process what you're telling them (make sure you come out fairly early on in the letter). I hope this helps. It feels amazing to be able to talk to your parents about this and be honest with them! Have strength. Things get a lot better.
Thanks bubblyhappy and Fishman 27 I really like the idea to write a letter. I might start on that soon, write a draft and hopefully give it to my parents next weekend, when everyones together in one place. I will be honest and tell them soon. Thanks so much both of you This has really helped, now I have a starting point
How do you think of this letter? (Before you read- Mulrennan is the school I transferred from two years ago) Dear Mom and Dad, I have something really important to tell you. I’m going to need all your support and encouragement as I go through this important step in my development as an individual. I’m bisexual. No, I’m not confused or kidding myself. I have crushes on guys and girls alike. Gender just doesn’t have an influence on who I can love. It’s been this way since kindergarten, so I’m sure. As soon as I heard the word “bisexual” and found out its meaning- I said, “Yep. That’s me.” For the past three years- since sixth grade- I’ve known. I’ve been waging a war with myself, trying to make this go away, trying to fit in to society’s “normal”. Being straight. But I don’t. I have a crush on my best friend, Savannah, and she’s straight. It’s painful. That’s what’s been bothering me. It’s part of why I left Mulrennan, because I knew I would get hurt if people found out. (Mulrennan was the kind of place where they pointed at the “one gay kid”, as if he was a freak.) I just want to tell you, this changes absolutely nothing. Only the fact that I don’t have to hide anymore. I’m still your child, and no matter what I say, I will always need you to be there for me. I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, about three years. My friends at school know and are very supportive. I love the both of you and I just want your approval. I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell some of our extended family, like Granny, Uncle Scott, Aunt Cheryl, Grammy and Papa (both sides), just because of their religious beliefs and the fact that they just might not understand, and that Uncle Scott might do the same thing to me, when he ostracized Uncle Tom for being gay. If you have any questions for me, I will answer them honestly and to the best of my ability. I love you guys so much and i just want to let you into my life- not close you off from it. Sincerely, with love, Amanda
I think this looks good. It clearly explains who you are and what you've been going through. You are honest, and you open yourself up for discussion. Your parents may be shocked/confused and it's good that you allow for questions. It'll help both you and your parents accept this part of you and move on with your lives as a loving family. Well done.
I came out to my parents through fear someone else placed on me. I know that doesn't sound good at first. After I told them my Mom was in tears and she said she would do anything to help me. My dad seemed not really care for my problems then on and gives me the cold shoulder. It is definitely a scary thing to go through but once you come out to them I think they should try to help you. I would try your Mom first since thats what I did and it was a lot easier. Maybe you can do it through a text message to ease the fear? Stay Strong!(*hug*)
Thanks! I'm gonna print it out and give it to my parents this weekend I'll stay with them while they read it, and hopefully all goes well :3 Thankies
