Hey all, I guess i just want reassurance... This is my first year in college, and coming out in college has gone rather smoothly... which has been nice, but things just feel different. For the first time in my life I realize that I really hate being gay. Since I admitted to myself I was gay some time 3 years ago, I never really hated it. Now, it just seems to make everything much more annoying when it comes to dating etc. It's very acceptable to be gay where I am, but it is still a very different thing to most people. I don't advertise that I am gay, nor would people predict from first meeting me at all;; but I never deny it, and i do my best to act like it is completely normal... but it just isn't normal to most people. Not to mention, how annoying it is to find a guy :/. There is a guy here who I have a crush on, probably the largest crush I've had for a couple years... I rarely fall for one person. It's at a point though where there is nothing I can do because he isn't necessarily gay at all, he may be straight, he may be gay and not realize it... most of my friends think he's gay... but I have realized that waiting around for one person is probably not in my best interests. It's just REALLY frustrating.
Never be frustrated. You have to enjoy to accept who you are and be comfortable with yourself. I have a feeling you haven't fully accepted yourself yet and don't worry, you will. As for dating, don't be desparate in finding someone quickly. Make new friends first and the rest will bloom for you. Once you have fully accepted who you are, it becomes easier to start letting people know even if it is difficult to tell them. You will do okay and always be yourself.
People do know- and i've accepted it, i just am more frustrated with it now then I was in highschool- where i was also completely out.
Sounds like a lot of the thoughts that went through my head as I was coming to terms with being gay. I thought about how difficult it would be to date. I thought about how I might have to go to a gay bar to find other gay people (which sounds really horrible to me because I have no interest getting drunk/seeing other people get drunk in a bar so...). I want to have biological children when I'm older, but that's not too likely. I have thought about so many ways that being gay would affect my life, from personal matters to professional matters, but in the end, all I'm doing is complaining about the problem and not thinking about the solution. There is no easy fix. I don't have the answers right now, but I'm taking my life one day at a time. As far as the guy you say you have a crush on, I'd suggest just hanging out with him more. I, like you, am pretty masculine, and I don't fit into any gay stereotype. It may be hard to tell if this guy is gay, but at least you could find out if he would be accepting/wouldn't be offended if you asked him. I, myself, had my first crush a couple months ago. He's definitely straight, and we're still friends now. He knows I'm gay, and he's cool with it. He doesn't know I had a crush on him, but that's not really important. Stay positive, and try to be patient. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it!
are you sure you're frustrated that you're gay, or just that you don't know which team your crush digs?
I can relate to a point. Now that I'm out, I feel like I need to go find a boyfriend ASAP. And, the dating part SUCKS. Unlike straight people who can just go up to anyone, you have lots of homework to do if you like someone. "Is he gay?" "If he is, does he like me?" "He acts so gay!" "Ugh, he acts so straight sometimes."
Don't let your orientation or love life take over your daily life! Just take some time to relax and not think about any problems. Your orientation cannot be changed, so love yourself as much as others. As I've been told numerous times, the right guy will come when you least expect it and/or when you stop looking. So, just take comfort, it's all just a matter of time. It's good that you live in an area that is socially accepting towards homosexuals, it means that there's more opportunities around. And don't forget that many gay guys are still in the closet which makes it harder for you to find that special one. Just talk and get to know some people and you'll be bound to find someone you like and is gay. Or befriend your crush and get to know him. Even if he isn't gay, then there's another friend.
Yup sometimes this feeling occurs to me as well it really Sometimes sucks. Well its life u have to keep goin on. We are all a part of big cosmic joke( see the irony in there im only som to my dad and i m gay). Being gay needs lots of mental strength and only brave ones can be gay. The ones who are cowards are homophobic. Do u know abt 60% of homophobic are closet gay. So my best advice to you is that keep on goin. If u really like that guy just go there tell him what can happen more than that he tells u hes not
As far as the guy, I just plan to be friends with him and if something happens, great... But I don't plan on asking him if he's gay... I'm over him but it reminds me that if I were straight, I wouldn't have to assume 9 out of 10 people wouldn't work automatically. The guy is not the main thing at all though. The main thing is now I'm facing the real world more being in college and I think too much about how it affects everything like Fishman said exactly... My professional career is a big consideration (i want to teach) And I will deal with things as they come up... But I have lost most optimistic feelings about being gay... It sucks. Thanks for the replies all!
Some aspects of being gay do really suck, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm happy to be such an accepting and open-minded individual due to what I believe is a result of my sexuality. I'm happy that my life isn't just standard and I gain strength from being gay. I feel like I'm apart of...not a community, but change - people are becoming more accepting and I'm glad to be apart of that.
I think the fact that you want to teach is awesome! As long as you find a community that is accepting and co-workers who are accepting, you put yourself in a position to help a lot of students beyond what you teach them in the classroom because of your experiences.
To add on to Fishman's comment, you can also consider teaching in community colleges or universities...I think with Masters' degree you can teach at community colleges.
Hm, well it doesn't sound live you've put yourself out there very much. Spark up a convo with this guy, at worst he can be a friend if he's okay with gay people and he's straight. It's only as different as you make it out to be. My friends have done such a good job making me feel like nothing's different, its amazing. I shouldn't even say "making" because they aren't trying lol. It's actually annoying to me that i'm not being seen any differently lol. All in all, I actually don't mind it. It makes me mysterious being masculine, it's something I tell people who are taking a liking to me, so it holds a special feel to know that about me. I'm well rounded. I know how guys can feel and I know how girls can feel so I can offer them excellent advice.
I guess there is something to that.... I might just be going through a grumpy phase about it. Ya, I want to teach music! Probably a much more accepting field then most, but I'm probably not going to want to take a job in an un-accepting environment I don't have to worry about this now... it's just coming up more on the radar now that I'm in college. That would be cool, I can't see that far ahead to be sure what my exact plans are yet. Those jobs may be harder to come by especially in the field of music... He knows I'm gay, we're friends, and we talk a decent amount. He himself has not hinted to me that he is gay really at all unless I'm totally missing signals, but he acts like he is in some ways. How could I put myself more out there?
