To make a really long story shorter, when I was married to my first husband (horrible marriage/cheated on me from day one for 14 years) I met a girl one night who was a friend of a friend. She was having a hard time that night and said friend dropped her off with us to keep an eye on her. I had known for years that I was attracted to women but had never said anything to anyone. We ended up having an amazing night and I fell madly in love with her. Not to mention she became my best friend. We always said that some day we would end up together we just needed to get these men out of our systems. Lol. My current husband knows the history with her and he knows how much she means to me. But lately I have had no desire to have sex with my husband. She is all I think about. I am seriously wondering if I am in fact gay. I even discussed it with her and told her that I am still in love with her. She's been in love with her current boyfriend since she was 17 and finally got together with him 3 years ago. She said if it was anyone but Charlie she would drop him in a second to be with me. I never liked him to begin with but that just makes my dislike that much worse. I don't know what to do. I love her so much and know in my heart and soul that she is my soul mate and we were meant to be together, out timing has just always been off. Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.:icon_sad:
I've tried to resign myself to the fact that I'm only gonna have her as a best friend. She is the only friend I have that I can count on to be there for me when I need her. I have no other friends and it's not for lack of trying. Every time I try to make new friends I end up getting screwed over. They only wanna be friends as long as I can help them as soon as they don't need help anymore then they don't have anything to do with me anymore. This girl and I have been best friends for almost 15 years. I can go a month or so thinking that I can settle with being just friends with her but then those feeling surface again. I can't NOT have her in my life. We've been through similar bad experiences and we are the only things that's kept us both alive this long. Just tired of hurting.
Well we live in a very small town and word spreads like wildfire around here. But :icon_sad:, even though I have been attracted to other women I could never see myself with anyone but her. She was my first and only.
I personally would just wait and see what life gives you. Find ways to put things out of your mind and try to look at the positive. I know it must hurt. I can't imagine how hard it is to love someone and not be with them. The only thing I can say is, just keep your head up. If it is meant to be like you feel it will happen on its own time. Just don't let the chances slip past you. If you ever get the chance to be with her, jump on it. For now, just keep yourself busy either through focusing specifically on your marriage or a new hobby. I hope this helps.
