Ok so I was reading a thread in anonymous and there was talk about "oral" and now I'm scared to have sex. How do you know if the person you are having sex with has disease. I'd this weird to be scared like this should I make him do a Test to see if he has diseases? I'm not having sex anytime soon I'm still a Virgin but these thoughts are now in my head
Use condoms. You can't generally tell if a guy has an STI by looking, and while there are a lot of honest people out there, there are some who'll be dishonest if it means they'll get laid. If you make sure to use a condom every time - even if he says he's clean, even if he says he's a virgin, even if you're monogamous - you'll be about as well protected and safe as you can be.
I think getting used to the idea of sex and stuff takes time..our society doesn't raise us to fear these thing and sometimes it can be overwhelming to hear about all the diseases etc. but everyone has sex and takes the risk..use protection and its a small risk. KB once made a good metaphor about how we drive and its a risk, but one we take. I don't remember the exact wording!
It really shouldn't be a problem as long as you aren't meeting random and sleeping with them the first day. When I look for hook-ups one of the first things I ask is if the person is clean, I also talk to said person online or on the phone for days before I even consider meeting them. And even after all that I make them wear a condom. I don't mess around when it comes to STI's or STD's, I let the person know they must be open with me about it. When you know someone's full name, where they live, and their cellphone number it is less likely they are going to risk infecting you and getting charged. It is illegal to not disclose your information, or at least in Canada it is, so just be careful who you hook up with and you should be find. Poke at your to be partners previous sexual activity. I tend to only go for closet cases, and personally have never hooked up with an open gay person, because I think I would require a test if they were open and had a lot of sexual history. Closet cases tend to either be virgins, or have only ever hooked up with other closet cases(like me). No need to fear sex, but there is a need to fear the disease, so your mindset really isn`t all that bad, it is a little paranoid, but when it comes to health, I really don`t consider that the worst personality trait.
Um, there are plenty of "closet cases" that have tons of random hook-ups(that's what they're doing with you, I'm sure it's not their first time) in addition to unprotected sex like anyone else. Just because someone is not "out" does not mean that they are any more clean than an openly gay person. That is a very ignorant statement.
First, I know you didn't intend it that way, but asking someone if they are "clean" is considered really offensive, since it implies that someone with HIV or another STI is "dirty." But more importantly... asking is almost pointless. In talking to a lot of people about safer sex, I've discovered they almost always lie. They lie about how often they have unsafe sex. They lie about how recently (or if ever) they've been tested. And they even lie about their status, particularly people who are newly HIV+, and they are usually the ones with the highest risk of transmitting the virus. Unfortunately, that simply isn't true. I know a half-dozen people who were infected by people that in a couple of cases didn't know they were HIV+, and in other cases knew, but knowingly started a relationship and lied. It's illegal in most US states as well, but it is very rarely prosecuted. Sorry, but that's the most ridiculous safety precaution I've ever heard. Many so-called 'closet cases' have been closeted for 10+ years and have thousands of sexual contacts. In fact, many closet cases are far more promiscuous than people who are out, because they have such strong shame issues, and they use the anonymous sex as a "drug" to numb the shame. And again, people lie about the number of hookups or partners. Additionally, tests are near worthless, because the test only has any accuracy after about 21 days, and then it's in the 80% range. So someone could have a test, show HIV-, and STILL be positive and have huge viral load if they've been infected within the past 30 days. The only way you would reasonably reliably know is if you absolutely know that the person was tested 60 days ago, and has not had any sexual encounters for the past 60-90 days. Now... all of that said, if one always practices safer sex techniques, doesn't hook up with random people (closeted or not), and uses common sense, then the risk is pretty low.
