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Credit in the straight world

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ragsandbones, Oct 14, 2012.

  1. Ragsandbones

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    So, I came to this site to ask for some help/advice. I am not ashamed to talk about my sexuality to the straight people in my life...I'm mostly scared to talk about it with those who aren't because I'm painfully aware of my perceived and actual privilege as someone who comes off as straight.

    I've known since highschool (I'm 30 now) that I'm attracted to individuals regardless of gender. A certain someone just has that certain something and I find it attractive. I've had crushes on girls from afar but not many and since I mostly hung out with straight people I just became part of that culture. I have had 2 very long term relationships with men which took up almost all of my 20's and while I always wanted to explore other parts of myself I just felt either afraid because I had no experience or like I would be perceived as predatory or 'playing' with people's feelings. Because of that I have just ignored that part of myself.

    Recently though I joined a club and met HER. She is smart, funny, talented, kind spirited and very active politically and within the GLBT community. I would love to persue her but have no idea how. I feel nervous in the usual way but also just terrified of all the rules and boundaries that I'm unaware of and having to explain to her or anyone really that I'm not a lesbian...I just really really dig this person. I've never felt this strongly about a woman before. I think about her all the time, fantasize about spending time with her, being intimate with her and all the other things you think about when in serious crush mode. I feel like there is a club I'm not part of and frankly don't deserve to be part of. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself very well. Deep down I personally don't believe it should matter but I fear it really does. I'm afraid to basically be a virgin again and of how someone else might view that.

    What should I do?
     
  2. BudderMC

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    First off, welcome to EC!

    I think it largely varies from person to person (because some people are really surprising for an otherwise should-be inclusive community), but generally speaking people won't care if you don't fit a specific "label". I mean, if you like this girl, you approach her like you would anyone else you were interested in. The only caveat is that she's into girls (unlike the majority of girls), but you ARE a girl, so it's all good.

    So talk to her. Figure out whether or not she's into girls and whether or not she's single, then whether or not she's into you. And then take it from there as you see fit. You've been in relationships before; you probably have a better "feel" for this than my inexperienced person can give.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Ragsandbones

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    She definitely like girls! So that's good. I guess my fear is because I've been involved in political circles before (she's quite academic and politically active) and while the core values are usually inclusivity the practice is generally exclusivity and a looking down your nose on people who don't know how to talk the talk. I don't know if it necessarily comes from a bad place, I just don't want to go bumbling in offending everyone I meet. Lol. But I guess that's what I have to do.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Most of us gay folk are well-aware that some people "join the club" later in life, for a variety of reasons. I can't speak for the community at large, but I don't recall ever running into gay folks who look down on those who were slow/late in coming out or becoming active socially in gay circles. If it ever comes up, a simple "I had a feeling I might be bi/queer for years, but I never really made any steps towards doing anything in that direction until recently" would probably be more than sufficient.

    Lex
     
  5. Ragsandbones

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    Thanks for the advice...we'll see what happens. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Ragsandbones

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    Well, as it turns out she is queer and usually dates women but currently has a boyfriend. Of course the usually dates men girl falls for her. Ah life.
     
    #6 Ragsandbones, Oct 16, 2012
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2012