Hi EC. So, after my sister's party 2 days ago I realized how happy I was, and how much there is to live for. I'm not going to go into my past plans, but they involved suicide as soon as I would become officially independent, as I have fucked up a lot of my past and I just simply couldn't be bothered to put it right. Now I have a whole new vision of life, and thus I want to change. Starting from tomorrow I am going to be making a vast amount of changes to my life, and as a part of that I need ways to vent to try and help my confidence and internalized turmoil. First off, crying is out of the picture, as I haven't been able to cry in years. I've tried getting in touch with my emotional side, but I just simply can't. So, what ways are there to help vent depression, apathy, stress and loneliness? As they are the main emotions that dominate my life. I am considering trying a journal, as it does appear to help a lot of people, but I'm not sure it would work for me. I'm extremely uncomfortable sharing any information with people I know, or for that matter even met in person. I never even thought to tell anyone about my suicidal state. I have done some very minor forms of self harm before, but nothing too serious, and it was quite a long time ago. I find that going for a jog/bike ride almost always relieves depression and loneliness, however it doesn't help too much with my stress and it leaves me very apathetic after. Plus I can't exactly do that every time I get upset. So, any ideas appreciated, and thanks to anyone who inputs
What works for one person wont necessarily work for another, you need to find what relieves your stress, not someone elses. Starting with what you enjoy doing is a good start, you said you enjoy jogging and riding your bike, maybe exercise is going to be your reliever? Maybe join a gym or try exercising at home. I know for me stress relief is usually my bad habits, like smoking or a drink over the evening, which i wouldn't really recommend lol. I also find a relief when i'm reading or certain video games, but thats more of an escape than a release.
You can try other forms of exercise if jogging or biking doesn't work. For anger, something aggressive, like sprinting as fast as you can or learning to box or kickbox might help (beating the s**t out of a bag is so satisfying). Yoga can focus your mind more. You can also try some kind of art, like writing bad poetry, drawing, singing or dancing. Dont worry if it sucks, you dont have to show it to anyone. I often don't know what Im feeling until it comes out when Im dancing or singing. The only thing for me that got me through my darkest times when I would have killed or seriously harmed myself was to remember I had goals to live for though. If you have something you are passionate about, a crazy dream or goal, that you work towards it basically makes you immune to suicide (at least for me it does).
Having such a goal is a great thing, but not always a silver bullet for me. So in the darkest times, I find being extremely distracted does me the greatest good. Browsing the internet like crazy (funny stupid pictures mostly), watching a movie and playing a video game at the same time. Anything that doesn't require much thought but keeps my mind occupied so it isn't idle to start crashing in on itself. It's not great to be so sedentary or isolated, which can prolong episodes. But being comfortable and safe and staying away from stressful things is good. When I am more able to leave my apartment, going on very long walks and finding new places refreshes me. I get the sense that the world is more complex and larger than I can imagine it in my mind, and it helps me remember that I don't know everything. So when I get negative self talk, I can stop it and humble it- "You don't know anything more than I do, let's just be quiet and soak in what's real". Taking photos helps me pay more attention to little details. I use 750words.com to journal because it splits up every entry by day and you can look back over the months. I don't journal all the time, but when I am particularly sick I write down all of my feelings and thoughts. Same with when I am extremely well. Aside from just venting, these also serve as markers to me to keep track of my moods, what triggers depressive episodes, and what helps with recovery. Even if I can't use these immediately in my life, they are tremendously helpful when talking with doctors and counselors. Singing loudy is another good way to let loose. Go somewhere no one will hear and sing and talk and laugh and shout yourself hoarse. And if you have the energy for it, dance, too. Don't even give a damn if you look crazy, just go for it. And keep places like this in mind when you're too lonely. Try chatting with fb friends who are online at the same time as you are, even if they were only distant friends before. I'm not a full member yet, but when I am i'd be glad to keep you company when you need someone, through private message or chat.
You need to find things that fulfill you. Everybody can find something fulfilling, most people just assume that it's something they can do as a career, which isn't always the case. Venting and Creating can be very similar, as long as you remember the difference between creating something in anger and frustration, and creating something you enjoy. A journal might be a really good idea. I would suggest looking into other things that might help you find fulfillment, things that have caught your eye before. Try an art form, or a martial art. I have a friend who is doing Kendo, and I swear he's never been so happy in his life. If swinging a wooden sword over his head can make him happy, I guarantee there is something out there you will find interesting in a shattering, fulfilling way. Consider the things you have wanted to do, consider the hobbies you have been interested in or curious about, and start giving them a shot. Some people manage to make money doing the thing that they love, but it's not always the case, nor is it required. Maybe you'll never feel so free as you do rock-climbing, or swimming. It can be anything, even video games if you like that kind of escapism. The point is that I don't think you're really looking for a way to vent, you're looking for something worth living for. I bet that if you consider the things you enjoy doing, or even things you love the general idea of, you'll find something you're passionate about. A passion for something will grip you like nothing ever has. I hope you are surprised by how fulfilling something can. You'll find it though, we all do, most of us traditionally wait for our mid-life crisis to do it, you have the advantage of youth and an entire lifetime ahead of you to follow your passions where they lead you.
There are a lot of great ideas being tossed around here. I definitely think having a goal is the most important thing. That will give your mind something to focus on. I personally find a good escape in music, listening and playing. I love Florence + the Machine! Especially her album "Ceremonials." Just don't get any ideas from it (a good number of the songs have drowning references). I play piano, and that seems to be the biggest help. Maybe you could learn how to play an instrument. It could be piano or guitar or something else that might interest you. Also, as mentioned above, exercise can really help! You said you enjoy jogging/cycling. For me it's swimming. Swimming is different than a lot of activities. Your head is underwater so things are quiet. It gives you a chance to stop and think. Also, if you're swimming in a competition pool, you'll always have a black line to point you in the right direction. lol
Hey guys, sorry for the late reply. Influenza has been going around like crazy over here, I appear to have lost a few days. I will definitely consider guitar and art, as I have always loved the idea of learning guitar, and I've always loved art although I'm not particularly great at it. I will bear in mind all of the other suggestions too, so thanks all
Guitar and art sound great! And don't worry about your skill as an artist, if you enjoy I bet you'll practice more, and keep getting better!
Well, when I had my depression moments I would dance around to happy music and during that time I would think about happy thoughts. It's different for everyone. But that's what I did.
