is he really straight? i want to know if there's a chance that he is in some sort of denial let me explain the situation: (im "kinda" in the closet by the way) he was my friend for more than 10 years, i didnt have a crush on him...only pure friendship...when his mom passed away 3 years ago i started to visit him a lot...we were so happy together, smoking weed, going to the gim, drinking smoothies at the mall...he had a girlfriend 4 years ago but he kinda hated her, she dumped him cause he didnt returned her calls and they were always fighting each other..after that he had one night stands, but never attached to girls who love him, he says that he likes to be "free"...he is kinda narcissistic, likes to call attention, being center of attention (but anti-metrosexual), he says he never want to have a kid because he hates babies...he makes a lot of gay and penis jokes, all the time he cals every male gay when they are "not man enough"...he also joined the firemen... at some point we talked to each other every day, i drove him and went with to different places, i was so happy helping him and suporting him... when i realized that i loved him, i wanted to him to realize it by himself, and to be himself the one who ended the relationship (mistake but had doubts on his feelings for me)..so i started to touch him passed the line of friendship...when i was driving my right arm was touching him (side to side), he sometimes realized it but he "hated it" but didnt say a word... one day i even cried in front of him telling him that i cared for him so much..we were living as roomates at the moment...another day when we returned from a party we were both not drunk but with alcohol and i managed to hold him tight, he said he wasnt used to hug people (he always says he "has no feelings"), a girl (friend with benefits) ranged the door in the lobby, she went up the elevator and i got him to keep the hug until she got at the door..it was a really beautiful intimate moment...another day also after a party he ended up asking me "do you feel atracted to me in a sexual way?" i said yes and that was the end of our relationship..he had to go far anyway for some months, that was like a year ago, i knew i had to let him go, but now he hates me, doesnt answer the phone, i called him to his house and asked to talk to him (that's intrusive) and he sounded nervous, and doesnt want to talk to me... i just want to have him as a virtual friend, or not so best friend like before our "break up" but i just cant seem to take out the feeling that there is some real love between us..but i cant think of ways to get him to talk to me, its an imposible barrier that he just wont lower ... i know for a fact that he is not in a relationship with a woman now.. i just want to him to get a girlfriend and be happy, so i cant really forget him (stop with the delusion) and move on with my own coming out/accepting process.... is there a chance that he loves me?? how unconscious can homosexuality/bisexuality be??? of course being "gay" is the worst thing that could ever happen to him...i am like a splinter but i resist to forget him...im not ready yet
This is the danger part man. You came on to him way too strong. He's not gay, but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings either. I think when we want something really bad, we kinda stop thinking about what the other person is going through. I'm pretty sure this happened to me and my straight crush. Although he has told me before that he loved me when we had contact, I don't think he meant it the way I took it. In this case, just like me.. it looks like you played on his words and his actions too much. Ultimately, I'll tell you like I tell everyone else. You can't even think about outting someone else before you address yourself. Telling him you're gay opens the lines of communication or it closes it, there's no in between. Well, there is.. but that's not really fun lol when literally nothing changes in the relationship. The damage is kind of done here, you have to pretty much go on with your life and message him periodically and see if he bites. When I say periodically, I message my straight crush who's now in the marines once a year. Throughout the year he makes no effort whatsoever to contact me. The day I text him is his birthday, just so he remembers that I remember.. what that day means to him since he always seemed fond of his bday. And I like to do that whether he responds to me or not. There's no chance that he loves you in that way. And if you think you can change him or enlighten him to his gayness, it will make him despise you. Even when we know better sometime. I don't think we're crazy about the vibes we get, I just think it's not our place to seduce or inspire that emotion when we aren't being honest and upfront with who we are. Time to give him a break for a while. Keep contact but you kinda have to start from scratch here building his trust and making him feel like YOU'RE moving on that YOU'RE happy without him. Whether or not he has a gf is completely irrelevant to you for right now. Try to re-kindle the friendship if it's salvageable. ---------- Post added 14th Oct 2012 at 04:48 PM ---------- Re-read that and it looked harsh. Didn't mean it that way, just firm. I do want you to message me personally if you'd like to talk more. I can kind of help you sort through some things. I know what it's like to feel like what you feel all too much.
