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One year on and nothing to show for it

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Davo, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. Davo

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    I haven't posted anything properly for a while as really I've had nothing to say but I need to vent a little

    One year ago today I came out for the first time to my best friend (I only know the day because it's another friends birthday). And nothing's changed, I still haven't spoken about it. I'm still in the closet, except my best friends know although neither will ever bring it up in conversation, but then again, neither will I.

    The good thing about coming out is it has cemented my friendship with my 2 best friends; I'm closer to them than ever and it's good to know that they'll support me no matter what. I guess it shows how insignificant being gay is to our friendship. However it's annoying me that I can't have a conversation about it; I still haven't, I wouldn't know how to. There's a crowd of us who meet and even though I'm not really close to any of them, I just think any friendship I try to have will be a sham unless they know. I hate keeping everyone at arms length as it usually makes people think I don't like them.

    There's a girl I'm really friendly with, who I feel I should come out to, but she's religious and I don't know how she'll handle it. The subjects not going to come up unless it's forced, i only came out to my best friends because I absolutely had to. I wish I had the confidence to be completely open but having a deep conversation is pretty much out of the question. I don't want another year in limbo, I want to move forward, but I feel it's too late. I pushed away any attempts to talk about it early on and now I'm stuck in these friendships based on a lie, too scared to be myself, with no idea who myself is and I have no clue how to make things better.
     
  2. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    How about trying some humor with your friends? Make a joke about a guy when they are talking about girls. It will break the ice and hopefully open up things so you can talk with your friends more openly. Once you do this, then hopefully its going to be easier to talk to more people. I think its great that your friends are still your friends. I'm sure they can handle talking about it more. They probably are just waiting for you to say something.
     
  3. acorn7

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    I know how it is... I've tried to bring it up from time to time with people I've come out to, but it's not always natural. Best thing is to start talking about it as soon as possible; it's *never* too late.
     
  4. Suede7

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    Davo,

    Wow! you've said alot here. You see you are having conversations. This is good. I encourage you to keep it up! Trust me I know there's something worth looking at here. You came back to EC cause you had something to say. Further you said it when you were "pissed", ok that counts! Keep comin back my friend keep sharing and keep expressing your disappointment. You see in time the more of this you do, the more it gives you the confidence to speak your truth in your own time and on your terms.
    I relate to your plight your feeling like your stuck your feeling like no one gives a crap or they don't understand ME. Ok...... all justified for now as part of your growth. Davo, I want you to know this. There is no "forever".......these are just that (growing pains).........you're growing!! and unfortunately or fortunately with growth there's PAIN. and yeah it sucks when your in it. Try also believing that once you rebound the otherside of pain and growth is profound happiness. Then you look back at your suffering and really begin to understand that sometimes pain brings us closer to our goal and makes us stronger.

    Hang in there!

    Suede7
     
  5. Davo

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    Thanks for your comments. I saw my friends last night and I've started testing the waters, making a few comments or jokes about being gay, and it's alright; my friends have also done the same so it seems safe to talk about it, at least it will be soon.
     
  6. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

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    Great! I hope you continue to communicate.