I'm going through some questioning in my life right now and I have no one to really talk to right now. Ok, so when I was eight to twelve years old I was molested. Ever since then, I feel like I've repressed my sexuality or any sexual thought. I never felt any sexual feelings for anyone, but I would make up crushes on boys just so I could feel like I was normal. Then when I moved to college and met my best friend, who is a lesbian, I fell in love with her. I wanted to love her, kiss her, make love to her and when I realized that I could possibly be gay I felt like everything cleared. Like as if my life started to make sense. I eventually told her how I felt, but nothing happen since she had a girlfriend. Anyway, I've graduated from college and now back home. This is where my confusion begins. I'll see women and think they are hot and I wish I could know them or try to talk to them, but at the same time I might see a man and think he's attractive, but I don't want to have anything to do with him. I guess I'm just questioning whether I'm not lesbian or not. Or if what happen to me had anything to do with how I feel. I'm twenty-three years old and I haven't had a sexual experience with a woman, yet I do have these feelings. I feel like if I don't try to explore them, I'll be unhappy forever.
It seems to me like you know how you feel and are avoiding it. I coul be totally off base with that but that's how it strikes me. If you don't want to be with guys, than your probably aren't bi or straight. You can find them attractive without being attracted to them. As far as your childhood experiences, I can't really help you, but I think some of the admins could. You could send one a private message. They're very helpful and you can find one knowledgable in the area you have questions about.
Thank you for replying. You know after I wrote posted my thread I kept reading what I wrote over and over, and I did see that I was trying to avoid this part of me. Or at least trying to prove to myself it's not valid. I just need to make sure you know. Life as a lesbian isn't going to be easy for me. I already know that I'm going to have a hard time with my parents and with society. Anyway, thank you again.
