Hi. I've been reading a few threads from other questioning members, but I kind of need some advice on what to do next. I'm 29 and have been with my boyfriend for about 9 years. Throughout my relationship with him and my boyfriend before that, I've had problems with my sexuality. Before it was that I had very little sex drive. I thought I was asexual; I knew I was drawn to some guys in a romantic way but didn't really like the thought of sleeping with a guy. About 2 years ago I had a crush on this woman at work and it suddenly felt like maybe that was the answer - I did have some drive but it was towards women instead. Since then I keep thinking about having a girlfriend but also I keep doubting myself thinking maybe I'm just making the whole thing up. I'm currently temporarily separated from my boyfriend whilst I try and work things out in my head. We're meant to meet up again in a couple of weeks to decide what to do next. But we've already been separated for about a month and I'm no closer to deciding... I'd just like to get some advice from other people who've questioned their sexuality in the past. I'm worried that I'm making a huge mistake with all this and that I'm putting myself and my boyfriend through a lot of unnecessary pain. What did you do to get through it?
I tried to live my life for a bit (a week or two) under the assumption that I was gay to see how it felt. Maybe you could try that. Also, maybe you're bi if you have romantic feelings for guys. Then there wouldn't be a problem with you and your boyfriend. I'm sorry I can't help more, I've been single while working through most of this. You need to ask yourself if you're happy with him. Do you want to spend more time, possibly your whole life, with him? Does he make you feel excited when you're close? If not, than you maybe shouldn't be together, regardless of sexuality. Honestly though, questioning takes time. Some people do it quickly but it usually takes a long time, maybe even years. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's the truth.
Thanks . I known it's going to take some time, it's just pretty stressful when my decision will affect my boyfriend too. I really get on well with my boyfriend; he is my best friend and I've really missed talking to him whilst we've been separate. Dunno... If I was single I'd just go and try dating women... maybe that I keep thinking about it shows I shouldn't be in a relationship with him It's been great to come to EC and see other people questioning. I'd not heard of anyone else having doubts about their sexuality before, so it's awesome to know I'm not alone.
