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Just passed up a good coming out opportunity. Ugh

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Jared, Oct 14, 2012.

  1. Jared

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    So I was talking to my godmother earlier and she was telling me that her niece just came out to her the other day. She said she was hurt that it took her this long to come out to her, since they are pretty close, and it was no big surprise. She said nobody in the family cared and nothing has changed. I feel like I should've taken the opportuni to come out to her, but I'm too much of a chicken. Now I'm justifying it in my head trying to convince myself I'd rather do it in person, but I still don't think I could bring myself to do it in person either.

    I guess the things holding me back are that she always talks about me getting a girlfriend and a family and how she is rather dismissive of gay people, kind of the who cares attitude. I guess that is an okay attitude, but I feel like I'd want some sort of reaction since I've been struggling with my sexuality and being in the closet for the better part of six years. I feel like it'll be harder to come out to her now, since she gave a me a good opportunity and said she was hurt when her niece didn't trust her enough to come out sooner and I just kept my mouth shut.
     
  2. Luke Matt

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    Oh, damn :frowning2: My step mum frequently corrects my dad on his occasional distasteful views on gay people & I know she's really accepting (I think) of gay people in general. It's kind of ironic, but she'll probably be my first port of call sometime in the future (when I catch her alone, as well) to come out to.

    I think if you're convinced that she's accepting & will understand, then you should tell her. Don't go on my word though; I'm still in the closet D:
     
  3. Lad123

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    Its ok that you didn't come out to your godmother even though she would have been accepting. I don't think you did anything wrong, you were just not ready or didn't feel comfortable sharing your secret at the time. I'm sure she will understand if you explain it to her. The important thing is that you now know she will be ok with it so whenever you are feeling brave I guess she will be the next person you will come out to? ^^
     
  4. FishMan27

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    You should come out when you are ready. You shouldn't feel pressured into coming out. When you've come to accept yourself and you find it harder to hide than to share, that is when you are ready to come out.

    When you do come out to your godmother, I think it would be a good idea to share with her that you wanted to tell her earlier, but you just weren't ready. It's difficult for someone who hasn't been through what we've all been through to understand. Do your best to explain how hard it is. That's all you can do.

    Going back to what you said about how she talk about you getting a girlfriend a lot, I can totally relate. There are several people in my life who talk about girlfriends a lot. One is my coach who really only brings it up because he likes to joke about how girls are a waste of time better spent in the water. The other is my uncle. He's a little different story. He's the kind of guy who always has to be right, and it's difficult to talk to him sometimes or tell him, "No, I'm attracted to guys."

    I haven't come out to my uncle yet so I'm not sure what to tell you with that, but I wish you luck in figuring this all out!
     
  5. emopuppy

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    Don't feel bad that you didnt come out. You have to learn that coming out is a process that you do when you are ready. You don't have to come out just because someone else did. Do it when you are confident and ready. I wish you all the best of luck.
     
  6. Pat

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    You're making this sound like it's too late. It isn't. You can tell her whenever you're ready. Of course our loved ones want to see us married with kids. So much so that it blinds there own vision to see that clearly, you're gay. I think every guy i've met and i've known their gay, I can see it when they tell me haha. So yeah, don't feel down about anything. If anything you should feel good. I'll be honest, when I came out and stuff went back to normal, I was like, "SH**!" lol. I wanted it to be a defining moment because it took me so long to tell them just to have them blow it off or tell me they knew already lol. But you know what, in todays world, it really IS judged as not a deal breaker by a lot of people. They just basically want to let you know that it didn't change how they feel about you or your friendship.
     
  7. jaysuss

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    I don't think you should feel bad about that. I'm sure you will know when the time is right. The pressure about how they say you'll have kids and stuff is really hard to put up with but I think once you tell them they will realize they had put stress on you and try to make it better. Hope everything works out for ya.(&&&)