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How could I get a boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PowerGuyG4, Oct 14, 2012.

  1. PowerGuyG4

    PowerGuyG4 Guest

    I feel lonely and have lately been wanting to have a nice guy I can call my own. I am not out of the closet and am not willing to do so yet. I'm still in high school and so there is next to no guys who are gay (that I know of) and the ones that are out are effeminate and I'm not attracted to effeminate guys. I'm quite masculine myself, so no one suspects me as being gay. Also to add on top of that, I am extremely quiet and shy. I also have no idea how my school views homosexuality. I do have a couple homophobic friends but the rest of them I don't know their views on homosexuality.

    How could I possibly find a boyfriend like this?
     
  2. stumble along

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    News flash, you cant unless they come up to you and come out to you and you come out to them and if you two like each other then yes.

    You're going to have to come out to somebody if you ever want a boyfriend
     
  3. Retrospect

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    Well, it's pretty much impossible. The only situation where it could happen is the one stumble along mentioned, and that scenario is so rare it's not worth wasting your time on. Sorry :frowning2:

    You could also try a dating website. I'm using one now - no real luck yet, and I doubt I'll ever get lucky. But, you never know.
     
  4. kageshiro

    kageshiro Guest

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    Your situation seems nearly identical to my own. we gays really have got it more tough than anybody when it comes to finding genuine happiness in a relationship... before even considering less important details of preference or whether they even like you back, you need to of course confirm they're also homosexual. Since it's such a personal matter, that can be difficult if you're shy and reserved around people, (I'm that way as well) but at the same time there's unfortunately next to no chances of anybody approching you for as long as you're closeted.

    My advice would be to gauge as best you can the level of tolerance - starting within your own group of friends - people in your school have towards homosexuals. If directly coming out right away isn't an option (I'd assume this is the case since you don't know what they think yet either way) this might be the only way to go for now. Try your best to get closer to those which you observe examples of tolerance in, surrounding yourself with people who will support you regardless of your sexuality is a good first step towards coming out I think.

    Another option you could maybe look at is an online or long distance relationship if you're sure there's no one that's right for you in your immediate area. While that can easily be viewed as risky or troublesome for any number of different reasons I have known it to work suprisingly well for some of my own friends; both straight and gay.
     
  5. Luke Matt

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    I'm looking at universities in Calgary for exchange next year :grin:
     
  6. PowerGuyG4

    PowerGuyG4 Guest

    I don't think this is a dating site :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. AAASAS

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    I wouldn't say it's impossible, those who say it is obviously haven't tried. I had a boyfriend and was completely in the closet during highschool, I actually met him on a forum similar to this and he just so happened to live in the same region as me(we pay the same taxes).

    I'm not saying thats gonna happen again, and the odds of it happening were slim. But it can happen.

    The best advice I can give you, and it is advice that actually addresses your problem; I find the majority of answers on this site are ambiguous, lack any thought, and are very standard in definition. It is easy to say it can't, it's harder to explain why it can.

    I would say become more active on forums, become more active on homosexual websites, try chat sites. It takes a while, but you can eventually meet someone. It's not the best way to go, but it is a legit way at least. There are a lot of gay community things online, and believe me I am straight acting too, so I couldn't just meet a gay guy in real life, because all obvius gay guys I wasn't attracted too.

    So online is the best answer I can give you, make sure people verify who they are before you meet...etc, take precuations. But there are a lot of people in the same situation as you online.

    I don't know if I can name sites so I won't.
     
  8. PowerGuyG4

    PowerGuyG4 Guest

    I'd use a dating site if I knew how to verify who I'm talking to (And to be sure that even though they aren't a creepy pervert, they are still not going to kill me) but even more so, I'm a mere 15 years old. What dating site exists that would allow me to even have connections on the site? I am a member on Trevorspace, but that's still not a dating site.

    But thanks for the tips anyways.
     
  9. stumble along

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    again, that involves being out to some degree..
     
  10. PowerGuyG4

    PowerGuyG4 Guest

    I'm starting to rethink this - that guy I like is most likely straight and because of this 'loneliness' I have been feeling more depressed than ever. Especially when I tell myself I won't have a boyfriend unless I come out which I would be terrified to do. My half sister is already lesbian but even still, I can't talk to her for physical reasons. Besides, I'm already sure that my parents don't want their son to be gay on top of that, but it's too late for that now. Come to think about it, I doubt that I will ever have a real boyfriend.

    How does everyone manage? I'm sure my friends would ditch me and at that point I wouldn't return to school from the teasing I'd likely get.
     
  11. PowerGuyG4

    PowerGuyG4 Guest

    Anyone got any ideas for me?
     
  12. Rinamir Mortem

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    Your biggest problem is the lack of a gay community. This could easily be why you feel lonely and your desires to have a boyfriend could easily be the manifestations of the fact you have no immediate contact with members of the LGBT community. To echo everyone here, I strongly advise finding at least some slice of contact with the LGBT community as a whole, I guarantee there will be one in or near where you live, even if your only contact will be via the internet. You might also get a level of contact by perhaps talking with the overly effeminate men you avoid, they could point you in the right directions. Also I figure if there are gay men who are out of the closet in your school, it might be an idea to figure out what reactions you will get based upon the reactions and actions of those around you to those who are already out.

    Failing this, I advise waiting until you leave school and possibly go on from there either through the internet or, if you go to college or University, a LGBT society, if they have one. If you do go through the internet then there are places you can go to that aren't just your usual hook up sites but I distrust internet dating myself as I fear the vast amount are just out for a cheap thrill and little more. I could be entirely wrong of course and I just haven't found the better sites that are out there.

    If my life, however, can give you one bit of advice on the way to find someone to call your own, being patient is the best thing you can do. Unfortunately, the sheer want of a boyfriend will not activate some kind of human attraction that will drag every gay man near you to you. You are going to have to wait, like it or not, and realise that while in the closet, your chances are incredibly slim. But there is a chance, none-the-less, and you might find someone and I really hope you do but you are going to have to be very pragmatic about this.

    Just do what you feel is best and think your actions through. While coming out might alienate you from one social group you could easily find a new one just waiting to accept you and you might find better friends among them than you had before.

    Take it one obstacle at a time my good man and trying to run before you have learnt to walk does more damage than you think so giving thoughts to how and when you will come out would make more sense now than trying to find someone to call your own. That time will come and when it does all the past will just pale into comparison.
     
  13. BudderMC

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    You would be very correct, sir.

    Anyways, I think you need to evaluate why you want a boyfriend. "I'm lonely", while a legitimate reason, is not necessarily a good one. If you aren't comfortable with yourself as yourself, how can you give yourself to someone else too?